SAHM Funk

[leticia1995]

Lately I just suck. My husband is in school for his new job/contract (active duty) and spends M-F in the field, then PT Saturday and Sunday mornings, and is at formation Sunday afternoons. I stay at home with our 19mo and we’re 4+ hours from family and friends. And I am just worn out.

I was really good at first about taking LO to story time, the splash pad, the beach, the park, etc. and in the last two weeks we haven’t done any of that. I take her outside every day at least twice and try to spend about half an hour each time but it’s ungodly hot. We also have two dogs that shed like crazy, so I feel like all my time inside is spent tackling the mountains of hair, dirt, spilled milk, crumbs, dishes, laundry, and everything else that goes into being a sahm.

Right now LO wants to play by sitting in my lap. She doesn’t really want me to touch anything, she is not playing independently very much, and I hate to be on my phone but I find myself on it all day long, a lot more than usual. When I am trying to get anything done, she’s running after me asking me to “come on” and play with her and melts into a puddle when I don’t go immediately. I try to include her in what I’m doing but that doesn’t go very far, or do things sitting next to her but she has to be in my lap. I’m getting very frustrated and impatient. I’m finding it very hard to be sympathetic.

I feel like our days are full of her being very weepy and me being strung out. I do take time to just be in the moment with her, give her all my love and attention as much as I can but I can’t seem to find a balance. I am so tired. I try to give myself grace because I understand anyone would be tired in my place, but my LO doesn’t know that and it’s not fair to her. I’ve run out of activities and I’ve run out of ideas. Water play and bubbles don’t cut it. I try to do dance parties and she just cries. Coloring and painting are now boring and last about 20 seconds. She begs to go outside and then immediately wants to go right back in now.

She also misses her dad. He started this tradition with her where we say night night to the sky at her window, and I started saying night night to dadda when we do that. Last night she teared up and was saying, “night night dadda. Where are you? Love dadda. Night night dadda.” Damn near shattered my heart into a million pieces. Poor thing just misses her dad and I don’t blame her for her behavior because it’s either that or developmental but I don’t know what to do anymore.

Anyways if anyone has some pointers to get my strength back so I can be a better mom I’d appreciate it. We’ve got months of this ahead.

 

[richa94]

@leticia1995 If it is an option for you, I highly recommend looking into a gym or rec center with drop-in childcare. It can be amazingly revitalizing to do a class or solo workout and then have time to shower and get ready uninterrupted while you know your kid is safe in the same building.

 

[weepingwillow422]

@richa94 This! Having an hour and a half to myself to sit in the sauna and do a class where I can meet people or lift was amazing for my mental health!

 

[balu111]

@richa94 I second this! My husband is also actuve duty and in a really busy training period right now. Even if my workout is done in 1 hour, I make myself go sit in a chair in the locker room and doom scroll for another 15-20 minutes. my 19mo loves going and it has truly revitalized me.

 

[johnbenjaminprice]

@richa94 YES. I just signed up for a gym with childcare and it has been amazing

 

[johnbenjaminprice]

@leticia1995 First of all, the fact that you’re taking your kid outside for an hour per day in this summer heat is AMAZING. Just based on that alone, I think you’re doing a wonderful job.

As far as the independent play, IMO, I think you need to be firm on this and just let her throw a tantrum a few times until she gets used to it. It may look like saying kindly, “I know you want me to play with you right now, but it’s important that I get some things done around the house.” and let her know when you’ll be able to spend some time with her. I know she’s still young, but it’s amazing how much they’re able to understand at this age. She may throw a fit, but this sounds like a boundary you need to set and independent play is SO important for kids to learn. It’s not our job to keep them entertained! As long as we have some good quality toys out for them to play with and get them outside, we’re doing enough. You do not need to come up with a million activities for your child!

Idk if this will help, but I have my family room set up in a Montessori-like way, so my daughter always has some toys and activities on display that she can choose from. It helps a ton and I’m able to get a lot done because she just pulls out whatever she wants to do

 

[anayat11011]

@leticia1995 Happens to the best of us. You don’t suck. You just haven’t been having your own needs met in a long time. When I feel this way the first thing I do is call my best friend and say help me I’m checked out. And she’ll usually say me too but it’s my sign to back off being super mom and do more for me. I joined our ymca. Free childcare and an hour to myself. When it comes to parenting, kids won’t remember each and every moment but the overall tone of our relationship with them. If we aren’t giving back to ourselves we’ll have nothing left to give them. Can you find a gym or something, anything, you can do for yourself ?

 

[kaylove1]

@leticia1995 This was me only in the winter when it was too cold to go outside. My husband was also in school on the weekends and worked during the week. It’s rough.

I did a few “coffee dates” with baby where I grabbed a spot by the window and brought his beverage of choice. We parked a bit further a did a short walk there and back. He enjoyed people watching or if he had a bad day, it’s a quick escape as compared to being at a restaurant.

We also found some playgroups indoors which were fun.

I actually found talking to my friends who were back at work helpful. They were missing being on leave and it was a good reminder to enjoy the moments.

Oddly enough, sorting out my wardrobe and “getting ready” routine helped. I had a few outfits that were easy to put together and still comfy, and took baby to the mall to get a few new outfits. I made my getting ready routine way shorter and fit everything into one little make up bag that took 10 minutes. I bought a claw clip to put my greasy hair up and a few head bands so I didn’t have to do my hair but it still looked kept even if I hadn’t washed it in a week…If I was dressed and at least had some tinted moisturizer on then I was more likely to get out of the house.

The other thing for me was easy snacks. Whether it was pouches or baby helped me make a smoothie. Sometimes I didn’t leave the house bc I didn’t want to pack a snack.

I took advantage of warmer times to get outside too.

I was looking back at a to do list I had made in December and all it said was “figure out winter”. Lol winter had me beat, don’t get me wrong I had a lot of pity parties too.

 

[izakb]

@leticia1995 Well, the only way I could ever handle tantrums was to ignore them. Like literally stepping over their tiny body as they beat their fists on the floor. My oldest daughter would have some doozies, I would just pick her up, move her to a place where she couldn't hurt herself, and walk away.

I'm not saying it's easy, I usually ended up in tears too, but it gets easier. I also use the "I can't understand you when you're screaming/crying/whining." line a lot. Makes my little dude calm himself down before he restarts whatever is pissing him off.

 

[frknfly]

@leticia1995 Awww that last bit broke my heart for you. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. My husband is a police officer and works long shift hours late into the night so I can relate on a small level. I have been at my wits end for many, many days trying to figure out what to do with my son. I have been spending more time on my phone too, I think it provides that mental escape that we so desperately need and deserve.

Have you ever tried the app called Peanut? It helped me find four mom friends who have babies around the same age as my son (22mo) and finding them has saved my sanity. You have to put yourself out there and create a new support network, starting with just one new friend. You don’t deserve to be so isolated and alone. It helps tremendously to have these friends of mine, even if I don’t see them for awhile. I can always reach out and I know they’re probably going through the same stuff.