searchingforfaith8709
New member
Long story short, my husband and I have been together 15 years, married 5.5. We have two kids, 3 years old & 3 months old. When We first started dating, I said that I would be interested in having property/land eventually. (You learn so much about yourself over the years and esp after high school, I’ve learned!!). That is how he grew up. I grew up in a neighborhood/city. We continued to talk about it, even during buying our first home (2018) because It was what we could afford, in a neighborhood, that we planned on somewhat flipping to eventually rent out (very low interest rate!). We got real comfortable in there. The neighborhood was subpar, but our house was our home. Our backyard was fun, fenced in, tv, fireplace, covered area, she shed. But he got bored, no projects to do, and we started talking about land again.
One opportunity came & went (2021 ish) and then come 2023 we found a place. I felt like I couldn’t say no to this specific place even though the entrance in & out is on a busy road with a sketchy hill. with the house that came and went, my parents had voiced concern over bc he put a cap amount on how much we’d spend to flip it/upgrade (it was reeeeeal outdated and that “he’d be the contractor”). It ended up falling through for other reasons.
On this current house, the sketchy entrance was a concern for many, even his parents. We are behind other houses with 2 acres (they are perpendicular to us, like their properties back up to ours which ours runs long long and narrow) on a not busy road but our only in and out and real road, is the main one (55mph). Fast forward, we move in, make upgrades and a laundry list of to do’s for more upgrades (he’s doing it all himself 95% and so it’ll take quite a while), and I have a baby 1 month later. I always knew isolation could be a potential concern, but I felt like I couldn’t back out because of the previous house (and yes we had talked about property) and I was also excited to finally pick out vanities, flooring (we went cheap-o on our first home). After the busy-ness died down after having a baby, I realized how isolating this house is. I have to drive everywhere. Drive to take the kids anywhere, literally you can’t walk on that road. I can’t go on walks like I used to at our first home (we were right by a high school, park, Safeway). I can’t let my son out to play without watching him (no fenced in area & hes 3…). Yes I absolutely am in the postpartum period (im sure I do have PPD and no decision will be made soon) but this is how he grew up, what he’s used to, wants to be away from people and I realized hard and eye opening that I don’t. I painted and switched out the shelves in 2 closets that we hadn’t done yet and he said “I think our taxes are more of a priority than the closets” Bc they were driving me nuts since we skipped over them. The upgrades will take so long ($ and he’s doing it). I want to live back where we were for this “while our kids are young,” phase. Yes two issues at hand, not being in a project house in the thick of raising young kids and not away from a community neighborhood, with walkability.
We moved too quick. We have our house rented out until January. I’m taking all steps to feel less isolated and to be more connected to the house, but if it doesn’t play out/improve, what should I do? I’m going to see a therapist this week, play dates often already, you name it. I took for granted walking in a stroller to the grocery store, to Friday night football games. That’s what I need while our kids are young. I was warned before closing. he did say something alone the lines of if I back out, he will hate my parents forever (bc of the two concerns they brought up with both houses). Some of the updates that I want, he isn’t quite open to, but then in a little lull period of bad weather, he started on a sauna in the shop/barn. He works on it for hours a day with his dad (always a dream of his). My PPD/A wants the ease of our old life and ability for me to just walk out our front door and take the kids to Starbucks easily.
You don’t truly realize things until you live/through it. I’m the one home with the two kids. I go back to work in a month (which will help). He helps with the kids well when asked but he doesn’t quite know how I feel about all this because different than he grew up and the kids aren’t dependent on him. My 3 y/o loves his dad, but I’m the nurturing one. I obviously feel bad saying yes all along but my mental health is affected which affects how I am to my kids and as a wife. i feel very bad for feeling the way I am. But this is very miserable.
ill give more details in comments when asked. I realize this is a loaded story!
Tl;dr: I don’t like living on property, not in a neighborhood, with young kids. So many projects therefore much time spent away from family time (he works 24hr shifts). I feel lonely not in a neighborhood day to day.
One opportunity came & went (2021 ish) and then come 2023 we found a place. I felt like I couldn’t say no to this specific place even though the entrance in & out is on a busy road with a sketchy hill. with the house that came and went, my parents had voiced concern over bc he put a cap amount on how much we’d spend to flip it/upgrade (it was reeeeeal outdated and that “he’d be the contractor”). It ended up falling through for other reasons.
On this current house, the sketchy entrance was a concern for many, even his parents. We are behind other houses with 2 acres (they are perpendicular to us, like their properties back up to ours which ours runs long long and narrow) on a not busy road but our only in and out and real road, is the main one (55mph). Fast forward, we move in, make upgrades and a laundry list of to do’s for more upgrades (he’s doing it all himself 95% and so it’ll take quite a while), and I have a baby 1 month later. I always knew isolation could be a potential concern, but I felt like I couldn’t back out because of the previous house (and yes we had talked about property) and I was also excited to finally pick out vanities, flooring (we went cheap-o on our first home). After the busy-ness died down after having a baby, I realized how isolating this house is. I have to drive everywhere. Drive to take the kids anywhere, literally you can’t walk on that road. I can’t go on walks like I used to at our first home (we were right by a high school, park, Safeway). I can’t let my son out to play without watching him (no fenced in area & hes 3…). Yes I absolutely am in the postpartum period (im sure I do have PPD and no decision will be made soon) but this is how he grew up, what he’s used to, wants to be away from people and I realized hard and eye opening that I don’t. I painted and switched out the shelves in 2 closets that we hadn’t done yet and he said “I think our taxes are more of a priority than the closets” Bc they were driving me nuts since we skipped over them. The upgrades will take so long ($ and he’s doing it). I want to live back where we were for this “while our kids are young,” phase. Yes two issues at hand, not being in a project house in the thick of raising young kids and not away from a community neighborhood, with walkability.
We moved too quick. We have our house rented out until January. I’m taking all steps to feel less isolated and to be more connected to the house, but if it doesn’t play out/improve, what should I do? I’m going to see a therapist this week, play dates often already, you name it. I took for granted walking in a stroller to the grocery store, to Friday night football games. That’s what I need while our kids are young. I was warned before closing. he did say something alone the lines of if I back out, he will hate my parents forever (bc of the two concerns they brought up with both houses). Some of the updates that I want, he isn’t quite open to, but then in a little lull period of bad weather, he started on a sauna in the shop/barn. He works on it for hours a day with his dad (always a dream of his). My PPD/A wants the ease of our old life and ability for me to just walk out our front door and take the kids to Starbucks easily.
You don’t truly realize things until you live/through it. I’m the one home with the two kids. I go back to work in a month (which will help). He helps with the kids well when asked but he doesn’t quite know how I feel about all this because different than he grew up and the kids aren’t dependent on him. My 3 y/o loves his dad, but I’m the nurturing one. I obviously feel bad saying yes all along but my mental health is affected which affects how I am to my kids and as a wife. i feel very bad for feeling the way I am. But this is very miserable.
ill give more details in comments when asked. I realize this is a loaded story!
Tl;dr: I don’t like living on property, not in a neighborhood, with young kids. So many projects therefore much time spent away from family time (he works 24hr shifts). I feel lonely not in a neighborhood day to day.