@bigadolph420 This is exactly my point! You are so considerate! I wouldn’t want mine to deal with that especially if it’s preventable, and given to her by someone that’s supposed to have some common sense she probably will get it in her lifetime but not like this!
@bigadolph420 Same! I was exposed in my early 20s and get about 1 breakout a year ever since. I never share utensils or drinks, and when I have a breakout I take suppressive meds and wear a mask so errant baby hands can’t smack me in the face. It’s embarrassing as a professional adult and also gross and uncomfortable to have a lesion! While I can’t fully prevent exposure in my family because of shedding without symptoms, I’ll do whatever I can to prevent spread. It’s basic courtesy like not coughing in someone’s face when you have a cold.
@msavage My mom wears a mask around my daughter when she thinks she’s getting a cold sore. She is so so careful, constantly washing hands too. After the first few days she stops masking but continues to practice good hygiene and avoids kissing just in case. I want to add we are a highly affectionate family, lots of hugs and kisses and random hugs, back pats and impromptu shoulder rubs throughout our visits. So this is a big deal that she does this.
@msavage I’m sorry a lot of the comments here seem to be invalidating your concerns. Just because the virus is common doesn’t mean it’s not something you should prevent when possible! I’d be freaked too, but chances are that your little one is safe because there was no mucus membrane contact. I’m sorry you have to deal with that, it sounds so stressful and you were doing a nice thing by visiting!
@kingdomlife37 Thank you!! Yea I am worried I just don’t want that this is the way she contracts it…. and yes it’s common but that doesn’t need she needs to get it. Thank you for the validation
@msavage I’m 62 and I’ve had oral herpes as long as I can remember. I’m sure a family member gave it to me unintentionally. By the time my daughter was born in the late 80’s I was educated on how herpes was transmitted, but we didn’t have the anti viral medications we do today. Through constant diligence (hand washing, gloves, no kissing, sanitizing) my daughter never caught herpes from me. I now watch my grandson full time, he’s 2 and a half. I take Valtrex daily, one dose as a prophylactic, but still occasionally feel a cold sore almost erupting. Again, I practice the same diligence AND I always tell my grandson’s parents when I feel as though I’m getting an outbreak. It was a responsibility I modeled to my daughter when she was old enough to understand. I would feel the tingle, ask her to take good look at my lips to see if she could see the sore. She never could. This helped her understand that people can lie and say they don’t have one and you would never know. Only their honesty will keep you safe. My daughter and son-in-law trust me to be honest about my health and take precautions seriously. We all accept that even with our best efforts it’s still possible for me to unintentionally transmit the virus to my grandson. I would be devastated of course, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world for him or our family bond. I guarantee you if I behaved as your mother has behaved I would never be allowed in the same room with grandson ever again.
@calwalnut You are awesome for having the compassion to make the effort. I have struggled all my life with my mother, she completely lacks self insight to her behavior. She ruined me and my brothers childhood and left us at the age of 8 years old. This is why I went no contact for several years with her, she is not able to own it. But I was hoping for a different relationship with my daughter, but it seems that she is just as careless and selfish. As long as her needs are met (a visitation from my LO) she could care less about the effects I have to deal with after ( like giving us influenza and at one point Covid). But herpes is life long, it’s not 1-2 weeks in bed….. so I would be hoping she showed more consideration, I left immediately when I saw that she didn’t have that.
@msavage I’m so sorry your mom can’t rise to be a better grandmother than she was as a mom to you as a child. You and your beautiful little girl deserve so much more. If you were my neighbor I would be honored to be your adopted mom and grandma remember that the people who are the true moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, are the people in your life who treat you with the respect and love of a mom, dad, auntie…..you are not limited by only having one selfish mother
@msavage COVID can also have lifelong effects, despite not being a lifelong latent infection like HSV. Your mom sounds like a terror. She lacks empathy, and is probably unsafe for anyone to be around, let alone you and your little one. I would go back to no contact and seek a maternal relationship elsewhere.
@msavage Why did you stay? The first time she ignored your boundaries you should have left. You telling her no means nothing because you let her get away with it. And honestly, knowing her prior history I wouldn’t have even have given her once chance with something as transmissible and life long as herpes.
@wobblybobbly56 I know I’m completely beating myself up over this. I should have known better. Im so mad at myself. I’m just hoping that she won’t get the consequences.
@msavage I doubt your daughter could have gotten herpes from that brief and indirect encounter, I wouldn’t worry. But-that is absolutely maddening!!! I had a friend in college who was always asking to take a sip of my drink or use my chapstick when she had a cold sore outbreak and she didn’t seem to understand she was contagious (or she didn’t care, I’m not really sure which). It drove me nuts.
Sounds like you need to set a firm boundary with your mother that she will not be able to see her grandchild if she doesn’t respect your rules.
@msavage I have a friend who just got it from her husband and the toddler daughter got it as well. It was oral herpes. Their outbreak was so bad they were out sick for a week each and my friend could not eat/drink.
Sure it’s common, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t serious.
Sounds like it is time to cut your mom out until she understands boundaries.
I am sorry you had to deal with this.
@msavage My ex contracted oral herpes from cheating
She refuses to acknowledge that she has it, and instead claims she’s “missing a layer of skin” and that every few months her outbreaks are just “irritation”
I’ve been adamant about being careful around our daughter; but she insists on kissing her on the mouth constantly. It’s probably too late, but LO hasn’t shown symptoms yet.
It’s infuriating when people won’t take their contagious viruses seriously.
@thanful1 If she is in denial I would encourage her to take a blood test to prove it. Honestly it’s dangerous if she would infect a future infant of hers or someone else’s because of her denial.
she probably will get it in her lifetime but not like this!
remember that the people who are the true moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, are the people in your life who treat you with the respect and love of a mom, dad, auntie…..you are not limited by only having one selfish mother
