Overstimulated and drowning

[xypnios]

Rant warning sorry

I don’t know how yall do it..
I’m so depressed I moved from Oregon to Arkansas, reasons we lived are
-To be closer to my dad and stepmom
-My partner got a job welding and they taught him how and he got paid for the classes and stuff
-And cheaper place to live
-hope to be more self sufficient
But since we moved here I’m a mess
I have no friends my kids have no friends
Turns out a lot of my family is still on drugs so I can’t be around them or bring my kids around .. not my dad or step mom but my biological mom and basically the 50 other family members I have here are a mess
in Oregon I found my self i had a best friend I had a job that I loved as a waitress and bartender and assistant manager
I had a therapist that I loved who worked with my Psyciatrist and got on the meds I needed
So I was thriving at work and that had never ever been a thing for me. When I first started there I would have such bad panic attacks I’d have to leave I had a great boss who I could luckily be open with and I realize how much of a privilege that was because most places would have fired me but because she was understanding(even if she was upset at times) it helped me grow so much as a person I purchased my first car and then traded in for something better.
I loved my apartment it was tiny and only 2 bedroom but it had a huge window in the front and my plants THRIVED there.
It was decorated cute and cozy and first place that felt like home.
My daughter was in public school but when I had a problem I could actually talk to them and they would listen and help come up with a resolution instead of making me feel less than as a mom (I have tattoos including a face tattoo and I’m 25 and apparently in Arkansas that means I’m trash )
I pulled my daughter out of the school here because of problems and mistreatment and lack of resources. She has adhd I think and possibly autism but can’t get a diagnosis yet because surprise I can’t afford heath insurance here I’ve always been on state insurance had food stamps but my partner makes too much now but we are BARLEY scraping by actually we aren’t scraping by. I’m worried every week how we will eat the bills are piling up and behind with shut off notices and risk of cancellation.. oh also my car got repoed since moving here because I just couldn’t afford the payments.
He will get a raise soon and I know in the long run this career can be really good but right now it SUCKS he works 6-7 days a week leaves at 4;30 and dosnt get home till 6:30.
In Oregon he stayed at home but he was very depressed for a long time. It’s like we switched places I’ve gained so much weight I was the healthiest and happiest I’d ever been in Oregon and now I’m sad and fat and don’t want to do anything my sleep is terrible I can’t afford anything at all like seriously nothing.
I know that if maybe I could change my mindset maybe I could be happy and enjoyable at least for my kids but I’m so overstimulated with them it’s not even funny. My oldest is 7 she has no friends either I don’t have a clue on how to begin socializing her here or my 3 year old boy, plus my anxiety is through the roof as is… she always seems to be a lot for other kids and expecially adults I don’t want her to be rejected left and right.
I feel this post is a giant jumbled mess and I don’t even know what the point was anymore
Tonight was just rough emotionally and I feel I have kinda lost it I keep crying and I just want to find joy in my life again…
I want to homeschool and feel successful
I’ve been thinking about putting them back in school just so they get socialization and I can go get a job it’s not good for kids to be around someone so damn miserable all the time.
Ughhhh

 

[lov2speaktongues]

@xypnios Can you call your old psychiatrist in Oregon and ask for help. Tell them about your money issues and not having someone in Arkansas that can help you. It's a long shot but one worth taking. They may be able to help you track down a good psychiatrist who is willing to work with you n parents based on your income. I was in the same place you are before and there are good people in those professions that do care and understand where you are at. Your old psychiatrist may not know someone personally but they can ask around or tell you how to find someone like that.

The first thing you need to concentrate on is fixing you. Until you get yourself put together you can't be much use to anyone else so that should be the issue you tackle first. You can't just magically fix all your problems all at once. Maybe sit down and write out a list of all the problems you want to fix. After that you want to write them in order of most important to least important. Then start tackling them one problem at a time.

Also, there are good people in Arkansas you just have to find them. You only need to meet one of them and they will introduce you to more of them. This takes time and won't happen over night. You do have to put yourself in a position to meet people though and that won't happen until you leave the house and are open to it which t sounds like you aren't because of your mental and physical issues. The physical issues are easier to overcome. Look around you. Arkansas is not known for their healthy eating habits. Honestly you should fit right in n most spaces. Not that you shouldn't care about your weight and diet and try and fix it once you can mentally work on it it shouldn't stop you from befriending others. It may not be normal for you but it is normal for the area you are living in.

 

[mickcee]

@xypnios That sounds really fcking hard man. I felt the same when we moved. The reasons were good but I felt so isolated and lonely. It took a while but we finally made new friends, started patching up old relationships. This is the hard part mama but I think it’s going to get easier for you too. One thing that saved me was the local YMCA/community center and libraries. They have lots of events and ways to meet others. That + local Facebook parent groups