No preschool?

[lizzieb90]

Did any of you choose to skip preschool for your little? My baby is under a year but I already have people asking me about preschool, when I’m going back to work, etc. when I’m reality, we are trying for a 2nd have 0 plans to go back to work and plan on skipping preschool.

The other night when the preschool conversation came up I said I don’t think we’re going that route. My cousin asked me why and I simply said I don’t want to be away from her yet. She asked me if I realized how silly that sounds and I just said sure.

But, if I go back to work part time I will basically be making just enough to get her to preschool when I could be home with her. My entire paychecks would be going towards it. Also, if we do end up with a 2nd in the next year or so I wouldn’t want to keep working so finding a job just sounds…unrealistic.

I just hate feeling like I have to explain myself. Especially to people who either don’t have kids, or who’s kids are grown adults now. The advice and judgment just isn’t valid in my honest opinion. But it still somehow gets under my skin just a little

 

[zennah]

@lizzieb90 I wasn't really planning on doing preschool, either. The plan is for me to be home full-time and then maybe get a job part-time while she's in elementary school so I can take care of the house, meals, doctors appointments, etc. and keep our stress level down (if I went back to work it would be stressful for us both, and we don't need the money).

HOWEVER, my daughter is almost 2 and I'm starting to re-think the no preschool thing. She now requires more stimulation and she's nearing the time when she'll actually benefit from peer interaction. I also needed grandpa to watch her in our home for a few weeks recently, and her development immediately EXPLODED by having someone else to interact with. It made me realize that I could be stunting her social and other growth by not giving her opportunities for interaction with others. (I'm not very social myself- we do get out and socialize, sometimes with other kids, but not consistently enough.)

So now the plan is to enroll her part-time when she's 2.5 or 3.5 years old (Haven't decided on the timing yet). Just 2 or 3 days a week for a few hours. It will also be nice for me to get a little break since naps will be a thing of the past for us by then. There's two options we're looking at - one is a church preschool, very affordable. The other is much spendier. We need to tour and decide. We're not looking at daycare style though, it really is for her benefit.

 

[myles0]

@zennah this was very similar to my journey on this issue. my toddler is 2.5 and we just started her in "preschool" which is really daycare lol. just in the past few months she started being crazy about imaginative play and being around other kids, which she barely ever got to do bc i don't know a lot of other moms, and it became really difficult for us to get out of the house since i had a baby in august. so my husband and i decided that it would be good for everyone for her to go to daycare for a bit and fortunately we found an affordable one near our house. it also has been helpful to me bc i was really struggling to manage the 2 kids by myself all day every day.

anyway. it's been good but there are downsides too. namely she hasn't been eating well there, and they have her nap which is totally screwing up all of our nighttime sleep. you can't win sometimes!!

 

[okafor1886]

@lizzieb90 In New York, there is free universal prek for ages 3 and 4, and it's optional. I do send my son to preschool and it's full time about 6 hours a day, five days a week. It was an adjustment at first but he's gotten used to it and loves it and he learns SO MUCH there! I think it's important for kids to socialize with each other, but of course, every family must decide what is best for them. You may or may not change your mind about pre-school as your child ages. As for what others think, who cares? You don't have to explain yourself or feel bad for your choices, do what is best for you.

 

[lizzieb90]

@okafor1886 Wow! If it was free, I’d absolutely be more open to the idea. Socializing with other kids and learning a “school schedule” before kindergarten seems ideal

 

[beeyanna]

@lizzieb90 Is there any chance you're confusing "preschool" with daycare? I only ask because my husband's family uses the terms interchangeably, maybe it's a regional thing. My kids went to a private preschool that was just 8:30-11am and only four days per week. I wouldn't say it was cheap if you're on a tight budget, but it's far less expensive than daycare. Usually when I hear people say that their entire paycheck would go to something like this, they're referring to daycare. In any case I didn't really even take a hard look at preschools in my area until my oldest was almost 3. I think you have plenty of time to check out the options in your area and decide.

 

[lizzieb90]

@beeyanna She definitely meant preschool because the conversation then turned to her memory of kids being behind in kindergarten that didn’t attend preschool. As for the money thing, I work in delis/markets/coffee shops so the pay is…not good to say the least. But you’re so right, I have plenty of time. There’s no need for me to even really think about it right now

 

[beeyanna]

@lizzieb90 I think your kids would be fine skipping preschool if you put in a little extra effort with socializing and enriching them. Most of the evidence for preschool shows that play based programs are the most effective for development at that age. The introduction to academics gives them an initial boost through kindergarten, but kids who don't have preschool quickly catch up during the first couple years of school. I felt like I needed preschool for my kids because I had 3 kids in 4 years. I was so busy taking care of babies that I wanted to outsource socializing and enriching the older ones in a sense. I felt like I could meet all their basic needs, but I needed help on those fronts. I'm following through with my youngest too because I like the program.

That said, I have a friend who is skipping preschool for all of her 3 young kids. This friend has far more energy than me, and she manages to somehow socialize, enrich, and teach her older kids while managing the younger ones too. I get overwhelmed with babies, so I just watch in admiration while she juggles it all. Her kids are doing great, and I don't think they'll suffer in the slightest bit for skipping it.

So I guess it kind of depends on your strengths and what you feel like you can handle.

 

[sjastro]

@lizzieb90 That's such an odd thing for her to harp on at this stage. I would personally recommend preschool because it does give an educational boost, but not on the basis of "you can go back to work." My son made a ton of progress in just existing under the care of other people and following the rules of school thanks to preschool, and there are a lot of studies on how beneficial it is to future educational development, but the kids that go straight to kindergarten tend to just take the first few weeks to catch on and then it's fine.

That said, if you would have to work just to afford it and you're planning to have another baby, it may not be worth it. You've got plenty of time, but look into your local school system and what you may qualify for in head start programs now because there may be limited spaces and wait lists - even if you decide against it later, it's easier to remove yourself from the list and give someone else the spot than it would be to jump in later on. We paid for my son to go to the YMCA preschool because I didn't even realize the public school system offered it in my area. It was great, they were actually teachers teaching the class - not just a childcare kind of situation - but it was only from 9:30-12. It didn't give me much free time for work, but it DID give me some much-needed personal time and a little extra rest, which you may appreciate at that point.

 

[righttruth]

@lizzieb90 Check to see if you qualify for state or local childcare assistance! In my state, households earning up to like 90k qualify and most preschools accept it. If not, maybe there's a preschool co-op in your area (usually cheaper because parents volunteer or are in class with the kid). I didn't know about sending my kid to preschool but it's so nice to have a few days a week to get stuff done and recharge myself.

 

[ulyss]

@okafor1886 Where in NY are you? There are no spots in our district. We are going to do private preschool in the fall.

 

[okafor1886]

@ulyss I’m in queens. Sorry, my comment should have said New York City. Upk 3 and 4 used to be reserved for low income families but they’ve recently expanded to all families in nyc

 

[ulyss]

@okafor1886 Yes! That was gonna be my follow up question, the income threshold here is really low? If there are extra spots they open up to people above it, but there are never extra spots.

 

[okafor1886]

@ulyss Maybe it will expand to the entire state, but I know in NYC, it was a recent thing where 3K was opened to more families, regardless of income and now, all families are guaranteed a 4K spot. Preschool has been wonderful. My son is currently enrolled in 4k in a top rated elementary school and the things he learns are just astounding to me, I highly recommend prek for toddlers.

 

[cozette]

@lizzieb90 I couldn't afford preschool for my firstborn and he is now 7 (first grade.) He's a grade level above in both reading and math. He's doing fantastic . Everyone would always ask me why he isn't in preschool and I had to explain constantly and they would say he would be behind or unsocialized. Not the case at all. Definitely annoying

 

[mrseedsower]

@cozette My husband never went to preschool, only spoke Portuguese at home and went into kindergarten completely winging it. Now he’s a software engineer. I went to preschool, also went to school to become a software engineer.

Anecdotal, but ya know. It’s fine! Whatever people do, is fine!

 

[ldingle]

@lizzieb90 You say preschool but given the age of your kid do you mean daycare? Daycare is full time child care to cover working hours for babies and up, preschool is typically part time early education for kids 3-5.

Daycare is not necessary for a SAHP and many parents who decide to stay home do it specifically so they do not have to send their baby or toddler to daycare. Preschool for 3 and 4 year olds (preparing to enter kindergarten) can be great and helps them practice social skills with other kids and adults, begins to get them used to being away from you for periods prior to kindergarten, and just be exposed to a wider variety of people and experiences than you may provide at home. Anecdotally, by 3 my older kid was desperate for more playtime with other kids and LOVED part time preschool. We did 3 half days a week.

For low income people preschool has been shown to be hugely beneficial for children. For higher income people it does not have as strong of an effect, though most people do prefer their kid to have some preschool exposure before they are thrown into full time kindergarten. Zero time to full time is a really big transition.

If cost is a major factor for preschool there are public preschool programs and many programs offer discounted rates if you are low income. A coop preschool is also an option as a SAHP, where you work in the classroom one day a week and it is way less expensive.

 

[lizzieb90]

@ldingle The more comments I read the more I am leaning towards pre-k around 4 y/o for maybe a couple days a week. I wouldn’t want her distracted and struggling in kindergarten because it’s her first time being away from me-and I didn’t really factor that into my decision.

We live in a very isolated town so there is only one preschool here and it’s the one both me and my partner attended when we were children. I do have fond memories of it, and grew up with the preschool directors daughter so I trust she will be in great hands. I worry about the money of course but it’s so far down the road we have time to save up for it. I’m glad I posted in this group, I’ve had such a wide variety of people commenting what worked for them

 

[goms]

@lizzieb90 If you don't want to do preschool, that is absolutely fine! There's nothing wrong with that. We had a great experience with preschool and I have definitely seen advantages (for OUR family) to doing it, but all families are different. I am not one who is good at doing community activities/social play/etc. as a SAHM, so preschool was an unexpected Godsend for us.

Our daughter went to 2 year and 3 year old preschool solely because my parents offered to pay for it. They encouraged me to let her go initially so that I could have a little bit of a break from taking care of both her and our newborn son (super Velcro, super EBF - by "super," I mean that he refused bottles unless he was literally starved from refusing bottles when I tried to leave him , and refused pacifiers in all forms other than me ) as well as to give her some socialization time. The learning part was an added bonus, haha. She loved it so much that first year, as did we, that we sent her back for the 3 year old class without question. It was the perfect amount of time "away" for both of us, and she learned SO much. Academically, emotionally, socially. It was only 8:30-11:30, three mornings a week.

We live in Georgia, which offers state-funded Pre-K, so she went to Pre-K at the public school when she was 4. She thrived and continues to thrive now in 2nd grade.

Our son did not go to preschool, but he did do the early intervention program through the public school system starting at age 3. He qualified for this because of his speech delay and slight developmental delay (he had an extreme hearing problem that we did not discover until he was 2.5, so he literally had to start over linguistically once his hearing was fixed - which was the major cause of his developmental delay). It helped tremendously, but he still struggles now in Kindergarten. I often struggle with the thought that if he HAD been exposed to others regularly that someone might've picked up on that hearing issue earlier and his struggles wouldn't have been as extensive as they have. But I know that I was able to develop such a great bond with him by having him home with me fully until 3, too, so I don't necessarily regret it. It's just something that I question myself on from time to time during the hard days.

Sorry for rambling, just thought sharing what I've experienced might be helpful for you as you continue to consider your options while planning to expand your family. No matter what you do, people are going to give you unsolicited opinions - often rudely. When I worked when my daughter was an infant, my Mom acted like I was working my life away and missing her life. When I became a SAHM, she immediately flipped the switch to constant comments about when I would be going back to work and sending me random job postings frequently. I can't tell you how many comments I've had to endure over the years about how I don't "work," the majority of which have come from my own close family (siblings and parents most of all). You're gonna be damned if you do and damned if you don't for pretty much all of your life as a parent. The best advice I can give you, and what I wish I'd embraced sooner is to learn how to let it roll off your back and just keep living life as the happy, fulfilled Mom you desire to be! You owe NO ONE any explanation or justification for the decisions you and/or your SO make as parents. PERIOD.

 

[sheiriam]

@lizzieb90 I would reevaluate when your kid is closer to 4. I think it is extremely important to have a plan to have them ready for kindergarten. For MANY families, that means preschool, at least part time, for at least the year prior. Kids need to learn the “structure” of school, social stuff, listening to someone other than a family member or close friend, group setting, etc before starting a traditional kindergarten IMO (as well as my mom who is a former K teacher). What you do prior to pre-k though I think is more based on personal preference.