Night weaning

debbie_s

New member
I am pregnant with my third baby and still nursing number two. She is 17 months old and waking more than normal at night now to nurse. I feel so exhausted with it and I think it’s time to night wean. I have read Dr. Sears “The Attachment Parenting Book” and plan to use what he says on night weaning as a guide. I never made it this far with breastfeeding my first child (she’s 8 now) so I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve heard that it’s easiest to have dad help with nighttime wake ups during night weaning but I’d like to try and avoid this if possible as my husband wakes up at 2:00am for work. I’d love tips on how best to night wean in a kind yet successful way. I’m super nervous because I know I’m going to feel mom guilt as soon as I start but I do think it’s time. Thanks for any input y’all have!

EDIT: Thanks so much everyone for all of the replies! I’ve read through some but haven’t had a chance to look at all of them yet. Y’all have seriously delivered on night weaning advice. I appreciate it!
 
@debbie_s I replaced nursing with singing. First, I sang a few songs while nursing him at night to help set a time limit and also to build the association. After a few weeks, I stopped nursing him but continued to sing and hold him in the rocking chair. It took a few nights (and if he worked himself up more because he wanted to nurse, I let him) but then he started to relax as soon as I picked him up and began singing. If I need to hold him for a nap or an early morning wake up, I just sing one song until he falls asleep again, then hum it for a bit until he's really out, so I don't sing the entire time. Best of luck!
 
@streetlight Thanks for the reply! I’ve tried singing in the middle of the night before to try and get her to settle without milk but maybe it’d do better with more consistency like you’re saying.
 
@emmy0922 Second this! I used this approach and it went really well. I liked it that you can customize it to your and your baby's needs. I took a bit more time than the plan or program suggests, but it worked eventually and was really gentle with minimum crying. We started with nursing every 1.5 hours and now my son sleeps through the night when we cosleep.
 
@debbie_s It took three nights or so, and lots of cuddling, to night wean my 20ish month old. He did cry. I told him I was sad too, etc. We cuddled and sang and rocked. And then it was over. He sleeps much better now. I was pregnant and couldn’t take it anymore. The aversions and exhaustion were completely overwhelming.
 
@sigmachi1855 That’s exactly how I feel. I’m exhausted and feel repulsed by nursing sometimes now. Not going to lie your reply made me tear up a little (thanks pregnancy hormones) because I know me and my little one are going to be sad together too. I know it’s going to be hard but worth it when we both sleep better.
 
@debbie_s It really wasn’t that bad. A bit sad but an ENORMOUS relief for me. I nursed him one last time and took pictures. We are still super bonded and cuddle all the time. I feel so so so much better. The nursing was starting to interfere with my feelings about my child but I didn’t know how to stop.

My husband basically had to intervene. The aversions got so bad and the constant early am nursing for hours was killing me. I started crying in the night and he was like “I can’t have you both crying at 3 am. This is not sustainable. We have to change this.” And it was so much easier than I thought it would be.
 
@debbie_s We had success moving my (then 14 month old) to her own room, which stopped her from waking up whenever I came into the room/shifted at night. She seemed to sleep more soundly. We started with naps in her room and then did bedtime.

We also had my husband go in at night (as you said). It was rough on my husband for about a week, but it got better quickly for us. Once in a while she’d start waking more at night and my husband would handle it then as well. It’s only recently, since she was about 20 months, that I could go in at night and possibly not nurse her.
 
@debbie_s She started in our room on her own bed (twin sized mattress) next to our bed. She was cosleeping in our bed initially, but we switched her to her own bed in hopes of reducing her night wakings (it didn’t really work), and so then tried her own room.

When we transitioned her to her own room, I would still usually put her to bed like I did before (nursing & rocking), but then my husband would go in if she woke.
 
@mason08 Yes, this is probably the best approach.
While you are still nursing, do it in the living room, and then have dad or another caregiver do the bath/pyjamas/crib routine. Have them offer a snack right before bed and then brush their teeth.

Have the non-nursing parent go in to do the resettles/offer water (perhaps start on a weekend so your husband doesn’t have to get up for work). It’s best if you don’t go in at all.

If after the first few nights your husband has gone back to work and you need to go in and change a diaper overnight, wear a long nightgown with a high neckline.
 
@debbie_s Going through this now with my 19 mo. The last few months it became clear that the breastfeeding wasn’t putting him back to sleep after 3am. He just latches on and off half awake. It was really taking a toll on me. The last week or so we have started to have Dad take on night duty sleeping with him on a floor bed in his room and only switch if he’s uncontrollably crying and upset. I have also introduced a nighttime weaning book Nursies When The Sun Shines and that has been helpful in introducing the concept that the boobs aren’t always available on demand. It’s especially helpful on those nights when dad hasn’t been able to do a full night with him. Instead of giving the boob, I try to find other ways to soothe him (usually bouncing and singing). My little guy is strong willed so it’s not been easy. I’ve also been trying to introduce other sources of comfort like a stuffed animal he likes. This is helpful as I’m starting to cut down on daytime feeds as well. Its easiest when dad takes over (doesn’t work every time but it gives me longer stretches of sleep) but if that’s not an option, continuing to stack and add on new ways soothing throughout the day and night will help. Some good advice I received is to not expect it to be linear. There will be easier nights than other or even easier weeks and then there will be some backpedaling. It’s all normal.
 
@barry That’s good advice. Thanks for the reply. I too am blessed with a strong-willed little one. I love the book idea. I’m going to try to order that or one similar!
 
@debbie_s Does she take a bottle? I slowly replaced boob with a bottle of water. Basically I said in the first night “I’ll go until 1am without boob”, then it was 2am and so on. It worked pretty well, little one was of course a bit confused about it but not really upset (and he was still in bed with us being held etc). I got to about 5am (after maybe 4 weeks or so), and then I went away for a weekend so my husband had to take over and that was it. Never went back to nursing. But I didn’t really get my husband involved until that weekend and it did work well so I don’t think you need your husband if it’s not really an option.
If no bottle, you could still do the same thing of nursing later and later, and holding and cuddling before. Second what others said about cuddly toys, that can work well too. Good luck!
 
@debbie_s I have only one baby, who is 21 months old. for my health I recently had to make some dramatic adjustments and honestly she has taken to it better than I expected. she is verbal and I actually can't remember if she was speaking clearly at 17 months or not,but I think she clearly said either "cuddle" or "milk" when she meant she wanted on my boob.

is your kid teething? is your kid suddenly noticing her night time peeing? is your kid having a growth spurt? is your pregnancy at a time where it's affecting your milk supply? all of these (aside from pregnancy, for me it's my menstrual cycle) affect how much my kid wants to nurse. she's also of the Dr. Sears described "high need" type. she's extremely tenacious and determined with a strong will and a mind of her own. she wants what she wants, exactly that and ONLY that, and WHEN she wants it and not a moment later.

that said, on Monday I had a telephone consultation with an IBCLC because I'm at the end of my rope with a poorly controlled chronic illness and a demanding baby. I had made the appointment with her two weeks before and had already begun making compromises with my baby.

first we agreed she gets just one boob at a time. for a long time she wanted to fidget with one side and nurse on the other side, then switch it up. it became unbearable sometime over the last few months.

secondly, I set the boundary that she may nurse once on each side if she likes, each time she "wakes" and then that's it. sometimes she wanted to go back and forth like a shark and it was, like I said, unbearable any longer. the length of time is arbitrary but when I feel that she isn't actually swallowing anymore I use my finger to pry her mouth loose and if she asks for the other side (and hasn't been there already) then I repeat. once she has had a few minutes on each side, it's over and I tell her that we can now cuddle. she learned quickly over the last couple weeks to verbally express "drink boob" and "cuddle boob" which is too much to expect of a younger baby but if you yourself use drink and cuddle it may be understandable. I don't deny her if she says she wants to drink, and if she says she wants to cuddle then I keep my body covered and cuddle her.

finally on evenings or nights where I just can't take anymore and I don't feel like I have an excess of milk and thereby could give myself a clogged duct, I just lie on my stomach. I realize now you didn't mention your sleeping arrangement, but we have a family bed. her father is absolutely useless at night, and even if he were able to wake up, she currently rejects him when she is cranky and tired. anyhow I lie on my stomach and when she calls out for boob in her sleep (she never really completely wakes up to nurse), I can finally just say either "sleep" or "cuddle" and she usually just goes back to sleep.

addendum to say, she sometimes kind of uses nursing as a way to try and get comfy when something is uncomfortable. if she persists calling for boob after I ask her to sleep, I check her diaper. if it's wet and I change it she usually goes back to sleep without a fuss. sometimes she's also just thirsty or hungry and I try to keep a bottle of water and a small snack on a table near our bed. sometimes she says "water" after I ask her to sleep instead of having boob, sometimes she says "snack". it's a work in progress but it's slowly starting to work for us and I'm shocked at the number of nights I had this week where she wanted to nurse once or not at all. good luck to you and I hope you get some rest!
 
@debbie_s I also night weaned when I was pregnant. You need the sleep, and your newborn will need the night nursing when they're born, so it's a good time to do it!
For us, I happened to have a weeklong work trip, so my almost-2-yr-old had to learn to fall asleep with dad. I just kept that going after my trip. We used the book "Nursies when the sun shines" to set the stage.
 
@debbie_s It might be tough without dad’s help. If it’s possible, maybe he can take a few days off work. Or if he can nap at some other point of the day... Just my two cents. It will be tough to do on your own.
 
Back
Top