@debbie_s I have only one baby, who is 21 months old. for my health I recently had to make some dramatic adjustments and honestly she has taken to it better than I expected. she is verbal and I actually can't remember if she was speaking clearly at 17 months or not,but I think she clearly said either "cuddle" or "milk" when she meant she wanted on my boob.
is your kid teething? is your kid suddenly noticing her night time peeing? is your kid having a growth spurt? is your pregnancy at a time where it's affecting your milk supply? all of these (aside from pregnancy, for me it's my menstrual cycle) affect how much my kid wants to nurse. she's also of the Dr. Sears described "high need" type. she's extremely tenacious and determined with a strong will and a mind of her own. she wants what she wants, exactly that and ONLY that, and WHEN she wants it and not a moment later.
that said, on Monday I had a telephone consultation with an IBCLC because I'm at the end of my rope with a poorly controlled chronic illness and a demanding baby. I had made the appointment with her two weeks before and had already begun making compromises with my baby.
first we agreed she gets just one boob at a time. for a long time she wanted to fidget with one side and nurse on the other side, then switch it up. it became unbearable sometime over the last few months.
secondly, I set the boundary that she may nurse once on each side if she likes, each time she "wakes" and then that's it. sometimes she wanted to go back and forth like a shark and it was, like I said, unbearable any longer. the length of time is arbitrary but when I feel that she isn't actually swallowing anymore I use my finger to pry her mouth loose and if she asks for the other side (and hasn't been there already) then I repeat. once she has had a few minutes on each side, it's over and I tell her that we can now cuddle. she learned quickly over the last couple weeks to verbally express "drink boob" and "cuddle boob" which is too much to expect of a younger baby but if you yourself use drink and cuddle it may be understandable. I don't deny her if she says she wants to drink, and if she says she wants to cuddle then I keep my body covered and cuddle her.
finally on evenings or nights where I just can't take anymore and I don't feel like I have an excess of milk and thereby could give myself a clogged duct, I just lie on my stomach. I realize now you didn't mention your sleeping arrangement, but we have a family bed. her father is absolutely useless at night, and even if he were able to wake up, she currently rejects him when she is cranky and tired. anyhow I lie on my stomach and when she calls out for boob in her sleep (she never really completely wakes up to nurse), I can finally just say either "sleep" or "cuddle" and she usually just goes back to sleep.
addendum to say, she sometimes kind of uses nursing as a way to try and get comfy when something is uncomfortable. if she persists calling for boob after I ask her to sleep, I check her diaper. if it's wet and I change it she usually goes back to sleep without a fuss. sometimes she's also just thirsty or hungry and I try to keep a bottle of water and a small snack on a table near our bed. sometimes she says "water" after I ask her to sleep instead of having boob, sometimes she says "snack". it's a work in progress but it's slowly starting to work for us and I'm shocked at the number of nights I had this week where she wanted to nurse once or not at all. good luck to you and I hope you get some rest!
