Newly single mother..(repost from /r/parenting)

[jcchangedmylife]

So long story short, a couple weeks ago my bf of 4 years left me and our 2 year old son. I've already taken the neccessary legal actions in gaining full custody and given the situation i'm 99% positive i will be granted full custody (1% for exceptions because life). That being said, i'm looking for any helpful tips, or pointers based off experience. I want to make sure my son knows i love him and that he's everything to me, even if he's away from me(my mom and sister will help watch him once or twice a month to give me some me time). Any useful advice for going it alone would go so far, even words of encouragement right now because to be honest, i'm kind of scared shitless lol

 

[tmaple]

@jcchangedmylife As hard as it may be, don't talk bad about your ex to your kid.

I'll be going on my 3rd year with sole custody of my two kids and it's just fun to have two little lives around me.

 

[jcchangedmylife]

@tmaple I've come close to slipping but caught myself, i'm able to vent to my sister when we have lunch dates so i have an outlet while he isnt around.

 

[tmaple]

@jcchangedmylife We aren't perfect and will make mistakes raising our kids. All we can do is the best with what we have.

One important lesson to teach my kids is that daddy can make mistakes and admit when I'm wrong. Sometimes I'll let things slip about their mother and I'll tell them it wasn't right for me to say it.

You'll do fine, OP.

 

[chinaclowns1]

@jcchangedmylife I am in my third year as a single parent. One of the best pieces of advice I received was to use daycare / preschool even if only 1-2 days / week. It gives you time to regroup. Granted, I use my time to work , but it's still a good break for me And for my toddler.
Best of luck. Savor the time with your child and stay positive. The two of you need each other.

 

[jcchangedmylife]

@chinaclowns1 Thank you

 

[lawforchrist]

@jcchangedmylife You can do it. There are lots of programs that can help you if things go south.

 

[namukisa]

@jcchangedmylife My wife was a single mother for a long time (aboot 2 years) befor I met her and she said the hardest part for her was leaving her son at day care everyday even tho day care was her sisters house... I guess what it all boils down too is family is important.. Be brave and do what best for your son. And he might not see it now but many years down the road he will see just how hard his mommy worked for him to be happy

 

[jcchangedmylife]

@namukisa Aww thanks, i hope i do a good job raising him. I already drop him off to day care every day, doesnt make it any less hard.

 

[donner1]

@jcchangedmylife Sorry to hear... If you don't mind me asking, why are you going for sole custody? Is the father violent, a drug addict, or has endangered your child? If the answe is yes, then yeap sole is the way to go. If the answer is no, then joint parenting is the way to go... even if he just takes the kid every other weekend. Kids need both parents in their lives. Set your differences aside and try to reach out to him to be the father to your kid. I wouldn't call it begging, but rather a smart Momma realizing kids need to have a Dad.

 

[geekjenny]

@donner1 Single (well now I'm engaged) custodial father. Unless he's as this commenter described or completely gives up don't court on sole custody. My ex thought she was moving the kids out of state against my wishes. The courts didn't think too kindly of her attempts to alienate me from the kids.

 

[jcchangedmylife]

@donner1 Well the day he left us i woke up and found a note saying "i quit", im paraphrasing here, a couple hundred dollars in cash and a form signing his parental rights away.

 

[donner1]

@jcchangedmylife Ouch. I am so sorry. You better get a lawyer and get this square away. You'll probably want joint custody with you as primary and him paying child support. This will give him a chance to change his mind and parent down the road.

 

[lizbeth11]

@donner1 If he's going to just walk out the door, she should not push to get him any sort of custody or visitation. If he cleans his shit up later on, that'd be the time to work on it.