Newborn is 7 weeks and has slept maybe a combined 3 hours without being held since birth

[tshane]

I'm physically and emotionally numb at this point. I thought my 1st kid was bad when she'd only lay down for 45 minutes at a time, startle and then have to be soothed and put back down for an entire night (for roughly months 2-4). My wife and I did shifts then and made it until sleep training.

This kid is a whole new level that I didn't know existed, but unfortunately it does. I don't want to write an essay (as she is currently lying on my lifeless husk of a body) so in brief, she will absolutely not lie down on her own. Get her to sleep, put her down: crying within 2-3 minutes. Get her dRoWsY bUt AwAkE: crying within 2-3 minutes. Warm the area, put her butt down first, keep my hand on her chest: success! She lasts 5 minutes this time! You get the idea. She has slept ONCE for about an hour and that was around week 4 and just a fluke.

It's gotten to the point that when people complain of their kids sleeping 1-2 hours and waking up, I just want to explode. My fitness tracker averages about 3 hours of sleep per night since birth. I cannot sleep well at all with her safely on me either. Trust me, I've tried for 7 weeks. Short of selling a kidney to hire a night nanny, I'm not sure what to do.

UPDATE
I'm so appreciative of all the great suggestions and words of encouragement! We've decided to rent a Snoo after reading about some of your positive experiences. We are definitely approaching it as just another tool, knowing that it could do absolutely nothing for our situation, but I feel like we owe it to ourselves to at least try. She does like to be rocked and lightly jiggled (as do most babies I think) so I've got some cautious hope.

One of my biggest peeves about reddit posts is never knowing what happened after the user abandons the thread. Good or bad, I'll leave another update in a couple of weeks regarding the outcome

 

[arpaxad]

@tshane I don’t know if it would help, but you can rent a Snoo for ~$160/month. I don’t have one, but I wonder if a rocking bassinet would help her stay down. Might be worth your sanity if it works.

I feel like these are dumb obvious suggestions but just in case:

Do you have a noise machine? My little one is always much quicker to wake when it’s dead quiet vs having some waves on.

Does she sleep with a pacifier? That helps ours stay asleep.

Is she swaddled? We had to go through several kinds to find one that worked for us.

 

[j101814]

@arpaxad We have a Snoo and can’t recommend it enough, she still only goes about 3 hrs at a time max but without it she’s up every hour or so. Maybe rent one and try?

 

[shadiamon]

@arpaxad Upvote for the Snoo as someone who has a 2 week old.

Sleeps 2-3 hours easy when we lay him down.

 

[tshane]

Wow, didn't expect to see this many responses! I really appreciate all of the feedback and suggestions. Just knowing that other people have been there and made it out alive gives me hope that I desperately need.

I've got many new things to look into now. Safe co-sleeping might be the way for us, definitely better than the chair. I hope this thread makes a positive impact in someone's life down the road, and I think it will. Thanks all!

 

[bulldog34667]

@tshane You’ve had great advice but to give you light at the end of the tunnel our son was exactly the same. He chest slept on us from day 3 to 12w. At the end of Feb we got a purflo sleep pod. (Specifically this one as it’s been tested against various British cot standards to make it as close to officially sleep safe as possible) Within a couple nights he was doing 2 x 4-6 hr stretches in that at night on the bed next to one of us. (With the bed environment made as co sleep safe as possible around). Whether by him getting bigger and older or due to the nest, he’s no longer at 16w sleeping on us at night barring 5m at the start and post feeds. Basically it does get better, and work out a way to chest sleep safely in the meantime

 

[annelisethomas]

@tshane Does your wife breastfeed? Have you tried setting up a safe co-sleeping space and having her side lay nurse to put baby to sleep? I know some people frown upon it but sounds much safer than your current sleep deprivation.

 

[valerie2017]

@annelisethomas Ya we got to this point with our first. Bedsharing was safer than losing our mental sanity.

 

[tshane]

@annelisethomas We do mixed feedings due to her supply not being that great, so most of her feeding is from a bottle. It would definitely be an option if possible. People frown upon chair sleeping too, and I completely understand, but sometimes it's necessary to survive. I can't reliably sleep with her on me, but every 2-3 days I'll usually have a random short catnap with her after my body gives in.

 

[4godslove1st]

@tshane Co-sleeping in a controlled environment is so so so much safer than chair sleeping. I totally understand your situation because I have had Velcro babies too, and I’ve been at that exhausted state too, but please co sleep rather than chair sleep.

Look up safe co sleep.

 

[daniel108]

@4godslove1st Yes OP please do NOT chair sleep. There is NO way to make that safe whereas you can take very strict measures to make it safe-er in a bed.

 

[lndwlrxs01]

@tshane We were where you are a few weeks ago and gave into co-sleeping. I would literally have to be in a recliner with her sleeping on me and me staying awake most of the time. It was miserable. I finally gave into co-sleeping and it’s been much better. When she wakes up at night it not usually for a full feeding, it’s more like a late night snack and she’s back to bed. I would def try it out. Since bassinet mattresses are pretty thin, we put that on our bed between me and my husband and she stays strictly on that mattress since it’s more breathable than my bed.

 

[garchris]

@tshane Have you tried taking a shirt of mom's (cleaner dirty shirt) and wrapping thr bassinet mattress in it? Like get it good and tucked so it's basically a fitted sheet for the little mattress? It worked wonders with my second and I have no idea why other than babies can smell their moms.

 

[tshane]

@garchris Have not but we could definitely give that a shot. I'll make mom wear the bassinet sheet if I have to . I honestly think it might help down the road when she isn't immediately aware she's not in someone's arms vs waking up after being down for a while and realizing it. But at this point I'll try anything!

 

[garchris]

@tshane It was a game changer for us! I really hope that helps or that she just grows out of it very soon. You all deserve sleep!

 

[danieldr]

@garchris Seconding this!!! I slept on a crib sheet for a few nights and put it on the mattress and chefs kiss. Now I have crib sheets in rotation lol

 

[mermimi]

@tshane My newborn is also 7 weeks old- we were literally in the same position as you. After falling asleep in a recliner several times, we took up co sleeping and it’s saved us. Definitely ways to make it as safe as possible. What helped me was me was finding actual, credible research on it to alleviate the stress/worry gong against AAP guidelines. What helped is talking to other parents and knowing that many of them have coslept.

 

[tiras84]

@tshane Just re chest sleeping - check our Cosleepy and Happy Cosleeper on Instagram. They do very good tutorials on safe chest sleeping. It’s a thing and it’s a lifesaver. The happy cosleeper lady had to chest sleep her son for the first three months of his life (which actually isn’t that uncommon she’s in the UK and I’m in Australia).

I know you have to sleep but chair sleeping so very dangerous. I get it though, before I discovered the above accounts I was doing it bc I literally couldn’t not open my eyes, my partner had to intervene (I was EBFing so felt like I couldn’t tap out. I eventually pumped so he could take over)

It’s so so hard but you guys are doing well. Your baby’s need for closeness is biologically so normal. They really aren’t meant to sleep alone and some babies can manage it and others really can’t.

 

[missgrundy]

@tshane Hi! 10 week old here and I just posted something similar yesterday. Baby literally only slept if held until about 8 weeks. Now she will go into her bassinet for one stretch of sleep (first sleep of the night). This SOMETIMES gets us a 3 hour stretch before one of us has to hold her for the rest of the night. We are sleeping in shifts.

We tried everything short of the snoo. Literally. The mamaroo bassinet is arriving today so we will see if that helps.

 

[ramondor]

@tshane Ours was the same until we got the Snoo. I caved when she was 5 weeks old and bought one used on Facebook. We also sold our souls for a night nanny that came twice a week for a month around that same time. It’s so hard, I’m so sorry!