justwantin2fellowship
New member
Mom and myself talked about baby names before she was even pregnant. We had a full name chosen. All was perfect. A few months later after a cruise, we found out we were pregnant. OK! GAME TIME! Life is happening and I’m super excited... It’s my first biological child. The name for our child included my last name. This is a big deal for me. We had discussed that after marriage I would adopt her son and we would change his last name to mine, as well as her name to mine. We still are not married, but that is still the plan.
A couple of months later she told me that our child would not have my last name, but hers instead. This was devastating for me. I wasn’t even included in the decision. She talked to others and got their opinions on the situation instead of talking to me. I wasn’t involved at all and that hurt. So much. So we compromised, we would hyphenate her last name. I don’t like it, but i love my lady and I think it will be ok. We move forward. So instead of the initials JLA(yes, i did this on purpose), It was turned into JLA-B.... My little girl is going to be on the justice leagues B team.. UGH! FINE.
Two weeks ago we are in our living room and I’m thinking about the situation of our pregnancy as a whole and I get excited again, really excited. I begin to exclaim that “WE’RE HAVING A BABY! It’s really happening! My baby girl will be on the B-Team, but it ok, she can graduate to the major leagues soon enough!”
This is when she hit me with this gem, “Oh I need to tell you something.” My heart dropped. I knew it was another name change. I could feel it.
She has added a second middle name. There again was no discussion. She says, “I took a poll, I asked a lot of people and the double middle name always won. Everyone likes it.”
Everyone but me. The one who got left out of the process again. The one who told you that its not fair that you can just change her name without consulting me. I don’t have the ability to do that. I explained my feelings to her and how I did not like the feeling of the entire situation. I explained that it was very exciting in the beginning, but that I don’t even feel as if i matter now. The best way I could explain it to her was by saying this:
“You know how you want to tell a story and someone keeps cutting you off? They cut you off so much that this story you were dying to tell is now something you no longer want to even talk about. You just want to move on. That’s how this feels for me now. That feeling of not mattering enough to be heard. To not be included in something so major to me as my first biological child. Something we’ve discussed before, something you know matters to me?”
It honestly feels like betrayal and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or if I’m being irrational, crazy, unfair... Do I not understand something?
She picked the first name “J” as an homage to her sister and I picked the middle name “L” with my last name “A” it was perfect. Then on two separate occasions she changed the name without telling me. Without consulting me. Without warning.
The reason for the addition of her last name is so that her first born isn’t confused on why his sister and himself don’t have the same last name and for school reasons. After I explained those away, it still didn’t matter. Now she has added a second middle name as homage to her cousin.
So now my little girl will be J.E.L.A-B... 7/9/5/9/7(number of letters per name). It’s crazy...or am I being unreasonable? I don’t even feel a connection anymore. A mothers connection to her child is the physical, the naming process is all I get pre-birth. And I lost all of it. I’m scared that the feeling I have toward mom for this will not go away or that it may transfer or I’ll end up with some male version of postpartum depression.
A couple of months later she told me that our child would not have my last name, but hers instead. This was devastating for me. I wasn’t even included in the decision. She talked to others and got their opinions on the situation instead of talking to me. I wasn’t involved at all and that hurt. So much. So we compromised, we would hyphenate her last name. I don’t like it, but i love my lady and I think it will be ok. We move forward. So instead of the initials JLA(yes, i did this on purpose), It was turned into JLA-B.... My little girl is going to be on the justice leagues B team.. UGH! FINE.
Two weeks ago we are in our living room and I’m thinking about the situation of our pregnancy as a whole and I get excited again, really excited. I begin to exclaim that “WE’RE HAVING A BABY! It’s really happening! My baby girl will be on the B-Team, but it ok, she can graduate to the major leagues soon enough!”
This is when she hit me with this gem, “Oh I need to tell you something.” My heart dropped. I knew it was another name change. I could feel it.
She has added a second middle name. There again was no discussion. She says, “I took a poll, I asked a lot of people and the double middle name always won. Everyone likes it.”
Everyone but me. The one who got left out of the process again. The one who told you that its not fair that you can just change her name without consulting me. I don’t have the ability to do that. I explained my feelings to her and how I did not like the feeling of the entire situation. I explained that it was very exciting in the beginning, but that I don’t even feel as if i matter now. The best way I could explain it to her was by saying this:
“You know how you want to tell a story and someone keeps cutting you off? They cut you off so much that this story you were dying to tell is now something you no longer want to even talk about. You just want to move on. That’s how this feels for me now. That feeling of not mattering enough to be heard. To not be included in something so major to me as my first biological child. Something we’ve discussed before, something you know matters to me?”
It honestly feels like betrayal and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or if I’m being irrational, crazy, unfair... Do I not understand something?
She picked the first name “J” as an homage to her sister and I picked the middle name “L” with my last name “A” it was perfect. Then on two separate occasions she changed the name without telling me. Without consulting me. Without warning.
The reason for the addition of her last name is so that her first born isn’t confused on why his sister and himself don’t have the same last name and for school reasons. After I explained those away, it still didn’t matter. Now she has added a second middle name as homage to her cousin.
So now my little girl will be J.E.L.A-B... 7/9/5/9/7(number of letters per name). It’s crazy...or am I being unreasonable? I don’t even feel a connection anymore. A mothers connection to her child is the physical, the naming process is all I get pre-birth. And I lost all of it. I’m scared that the feeling I have toward mom for this will not go away or that it may transfer or I’ll end up with some male version of postpartum depression.