Nagging thought baby is not mine?

A

acmb0101

New member
Don’t know if this is the right sub.

Me and my girl been together for 7 years. For the last 2 years we decided against any type of contraceptives including pulling out. No sign of pregnancy the last two years I.e late periods etc.

Now she’s pregnant. Why do I have this worm of a thought burrowing in my head that it might not be my kid?? I have zero reason to believe or expect her of cheating. But this thought just won’t go away. Im worried about making her feel some type of way asking about a paternity test. Cause like I said there’s no reason why I should. Have any of you guys had this thought run through your head when you found out your significant other was pregnant?

I think it’s the all of a sudden factor. Like in 2 years nothing but all of a sudden bam pregnant. For a while I was nervous that I might be sterile. Which would have killed her.

Any reasoning or advice will help!

P.s we’re also in out late 20s if that makes a difference.
 
@acmb0101 It can take some couples years to get pregnant so if you’ve been having unprotected sex, this isn’t sudden. Just food for thought. I would chalk this up to fear and it does take some getting used to but if you have no reason to suspect infidelity, I would try not to dwell on this because continuing down that line of thought will make it worse.
 
@acmb0101 This is really, really common. The older you get and the more people you know who start or try to start families will have similar stories. People will try for YEARS with nothing then suddenly, pregnant. Other folks will not necessarily be trying and become pregnant. They told my wife she might not ever become pregnant, we got pregnant on the honeymoon. Then, it took us 3 years to get our second. A friend of mine went through early menopause, had a donor egg pregnancy, then got pregnant on her own shortly after the birth of her child from the donated egg.

The other piece, I'll tell you man to man, father to soon to be father, is that there is no set way to be a family. Family is about love, attention, effort, and patience more than DNA. If you think your partner is cheating and there are trust issues in your relationship, that is a relationship issue, and you should work on that both together and separately. But don't let those relationship issues between two adults change anything about your child. That kid needs parents that will support a child's development. The science says it doesn't matter if the parents are married, separated, of the same or different genders, or biologically related to the child, it just matters that they are consistently present. Let that be your guidance.

Also, my man, becoming a dad is scary and overwhelming. My wife and I planned to start our family and I still had this nagging "Holy shit I'm not ready!" that lasted until my child was almost 2! Its ok to have these feelings - join the /r/daddit sub as well, plenty of us there willing to help.
 
@bluecomet Appreciate this response! A lot of good advice in it. What I’m gathering from your response and someone else’s is that I might be unconsciously scared at the moment and it’s manifesting with me trying to come up with an excuse for the kid not to be mine. Cause like I said my girlfriend has given me zero reasons for me to expect she even ever entertained the idea of cheating let alone cheated. I mean this is a women who stopped talking/distanced herself from a childhood best friend cause her friend cheated on her boyfriend. Thanks for the response.
 
@acmb0101 Yes, it could also be a bit of the "Wow, I didn't know I had such power, I can't believe I created life!" that happens too. Its a huge step and its honestly a really great sign that you are thinking through these feelings and seeking input from people who have gone before you. Parenthood is the best adventure that you never imagined you could be on, this is step one.

I wouldn't share with your partner that you doubt the paternity, but it is good to share your feelings. Let her know that it feels a little overwhelming and you might find that she has some supportive words too.
 
@bluecomet Just to piggy back, my wife and I have been having unprotected, no contraceptive etc sex for years (quite frequently for the majority of it too. Meds that I’ve been on also decreased sex drive and between that and the craziness we had going on the later part of last year we had sex maybe once a month. Lo and behold that one time we did in December, she got pregnant.
 
@acmb0101 If your concerns are solely based on the sudden timing, after years of trying, then I'd suggest you're just overreacting. It's more common than you'd expect. In my situation, we had been trying for 4 years before we were finally successful.
 
@acmb0101 I know it feels sudden, but how would you know how close you got in the past? Heck she could have been pregnant several times and miscarried before she even knew she was pregnant. 1/4 pregnancies don’t go to term and the majority of those end very early. One of the frustrating things about infertility is that several things have to be right and line up (egg quality, sperm quality, timing, implantation location, implantation conditions, her hormones etc) and for many couples it is more like reduced fertility than complete infertility. The other frustration of infertility is that you never know if you are spinning your wheels or very close until you actually get pregnant.
 
@acmb0101 Well there's a lot more that goes into being pregnant than people think. It's not as though you can have sex anytime and get pregnant.

My wife and I had unprotected sex for our whole relationship and never had anything happen, she was off birth control for a long time early on before getting back on it and then back off it once we got married and were ready for a kid.

Hell we tried for a few months to actually get pregnant when we were tracking her ovulation and such but it didn't work until we stopped tracking it.

Women really only have maybe 6-7 fertile days where they can get pregnant, it's possible that maybe it just was the timing didn't line up.
 
@hysterical I'm pretty sure it's only 3 days a cycle that you can get pregnant. If you miss it then it's not happening. And even if you have sex during the fertile window it's only like a 1/3 chance you get pregnant.
 
@favouredman It's 5 days but only 3 of them have very good odds. This is of course an average and while highly unlikely it could be possible to fall pregnant from sex, 6 days out from ovulation.
 
@acmb0101 Maybe get your family jewels tested? If the doctor tells you that you can’t get pregnant then you’d have more of a leg to stand on? This is a serious accusation though you have to be sure.
 
@acmb0101 We used no protection for years and then actively tried for a baby for 10 months (tracking ovulation, etc) before getting pregnant. So yeah, if this is based solely on the fact she didn’t get pregnant for 2 years then you shouldn’t worry. It’s not like the movies where the instant you stop using contraception you’ll be pregnant.
 
@acmb0101 I can't tell you how many people's fertility has been boosted after getting jabbed. Not sure if it is on the male or female side, possibly both.

There are tons of other factors that could be at play but I'd bet money that one or both of you got vaccinated this year.

Enjoy the baby. It's yours!
 
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