1 month, wishing you could go back and not have a baby, postpartum thought or worse?
- Thread starter yuliia
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whosoever67
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@yuliia Definitely consult a professional, please. But I will say that I said the exact same things in my first month: it's like ground hog day, I miss how things were, this is so hard, I made a mistake, etc. Verbatim. It got SO much better for me by month 2, and even better by 3. By month 4 I felt even again. But keep in mind that I had been in therapy for a long time and was back in therapy about a month after giving birth. All this to say: the thoughts and feelings are very normal but they should be taken seriously and treated seriously.
Sending you both lots of good feelings!
Sending you both lots of good feelings!
@whosoever67 Thank you. Idk why she has always been against therapy. Thinking she needs to get over that.
jeezus4life
New member
@yuliia Your wife is me this past fall. I felt and vocalized extreme doom and gloom the first 2 months. Cried myself to sleep so many nights while husband had nothing more than a “sorry bout it” attitude…. Motherhood is such an absolute shock to what you are used to. Particularly the knowledge that no one else can do for your baby what you can/have to.
Around 4 months, everything did, as they say, get better. Both with the baby and my mental state and handling/acceptance/embracing of motherhood.
Tips for you as her partner: listen to her. Console her. Remind her it will get better & all that jazz…
BUT the biggest and best thing I needed in those times was a break. Please, as the dad, even if it is hard- give her the longest break/breaks you can give her. (I never got one and it literally felt like drowning.)
And not just a break to sleep or shower. Those are not breaks those are basic human needs.
Take that baby to a friend or family members house for half a day if you can. Suggest a mani/pedi or a haircut or massage-something to pamper but your wife needs room to breathe & gather herself.
This is just what I wished for anyway. Please help her by stepping up however you are able.
Around 4 months, everything did, as they say, get better. Both with the baby and my mental state and handling/acceptance/embracing of motherhood.
Tips for you as her partner: listen to her. Console her. Remind her it will get better & all that jazz…
BUT the biggest and best thing I needed in those times was a break. Please, as the dad, even if it is hard- give her the longest break/breaks you can give her. (I never got one and it literally felt like drowning.)And not just a break to sleep or shower. Those are not breaks those are basic human needs.
Take that baby to a friend or family members house for half a day if you can. Suggest a mani/pedi or a haircut or massage-something to pamper but your wife needs room to breathe & gather herself.
This is just what I wished for anyway. Please help her by stepping up however you are able.
@jeezus4life Absolutely helping out the most. I’m almost worried she’s not learning how to and the tips and tricks to consul our girl. I figure her mental sanity needs to be back in first. Thank you so much for the kind and supportive words. They mean so much rn.
@yuliia That’s postpartum depression. It’s caused by the pregnancy/birth and not a reflection of her character or how much she loves your child, or whether or not she wanted this baby. Has NOTHING to do with whether she was ‘meant’ to be a mother. Mothers are made, not meant. It’s a choice. This is a chemical imbalance, it can happen to anyone. She needs medical attention.
Make sure you’re supporting her as much as possible with caring for baby and home. Make sure she’s getting as much sleep as possible. She has a lot of healing to do. Love her, reassure her. Tell her she’s a good mom, that she’s beautiful, that you’re grateful, that you’re proud of her.
Make sure you’re supporting her as much as possible with caring for baby and home. Make sure she’s getting as much sleep as possible. She has a lot of healing to do. Love her, reassure her. Tell her she’s a good mom, that she’s beautiful, that you’re grateful, that you’re proud of her.
@yuliia This has nothing to do with being meant to be a mother. The transition to motherhood is extremely difficult and involves complete loss of identity and huge change of lifestyle. Your wife sounds like she may be suffering from PPD. Post partum is so incredibly difficult already on its own but when you throw post partum depression, psychosis, and anxiety on it? Its earth shattering. I hope you are helping in her in every single way you can. This would be a good time to maybe have another trusted adult come and take care of the baby for a couple of hours and get your wife to therapy or encourage her to let her obgyn know how she is feeling. She needs help. Post partum symptoms such as these are really not uncommon and happen to a lot of women shes not alone and shes not a bad mother she just needs to be taken care of too. 
nobody2016
New member
forhisglory5
New member
@yuliia I mean something that helped me when I felt overwhelmed by crying, etc. I told myself he didn't ask to be here, and if he's crying, he's not being vindictive or spiteful. He just needs something, and I don't think I had any violent thought and I definitely haven't cried since the day I saw him, but I've had thoughts of regret or walking out and leaving him for just a few minutes, even feeling numb and watching him cry. It was tough for me. My husband passed. i also have three animals, and he was born in November, and where i live, they set off fireworks for ANYTHING. I heard them all through December and early January it was so hard!
Especially with a nervous dog, it seemed like whenever i put him down something or someone would wake him up and he'd cry, just intense wailing, and i had to walk sround for almost two-four hours sometimes to put him back to sleep. The minimum was definitely 45 mins to an hour. I wasn't eating enough and bssically doing intense exercise after my C section that i got an infection.. twice and lost almost 40 pounds in the 1st month, when i only gained 7 the entire pregnancy i was doing it. It was this entire thing about my health. He didn't have a defined sleep schedule, well, any schedule period. I couldn't even use the bathroom.
I had no real support, besides comments like "you can do it" etc. I'm not ungrateful for those, but I needed ACTUAL help and support, i couldn't sleep, and I hate that i had those thoughts or did those things. But I learned to shake myself out of it and tell myself it's not his fault and it's not mine. I was told babies can feel your emotions, so I didn't want him absorbing or feeling my negativity because he would cry more.. I'm not sure if thsts true, but I treated like it was. I think it gets better after the first 5-6 weeks, and even later, if the crying starts, once you see them smile, you forget all about it. My son is 3 months old and has a much better sleep schedule. His naps and his feedings are pretty regular now. I get more sleep, etc. Eventually, you figure it out, just try to support her, and KNOW it won't be like this for too longI hope she feels better. That’s all the help I can offer. Good luck to you both.
Especially with a nervous dog, it seemed like whenever i put him down something or someone would wake him up and he'd cry, just intense wailing, and i had to walk sround for almost two-four hours sometimes to put him back to sleep. The minimum was definitely 45 mins to an hour. I wasn't eating enough and bssically doing intense exercise after my C section that i got an infection.. twice and lost almost 40 pounds in the 1st month, when i only gained 7 the entire pregnancy i was doing it. It was this entire thing about my health. He didn't have a defined sleep schedule, well, any schedule period. I couldn't even use the bathroom.
I had no real support, besides comments like "you can do it" etc. I'm not ungrateful for those, but I needed ACTUAL help and support, i couldn't sleep, and I hate that i had those thoughts or did those things. But I learned to shake myself out of it and tell myself it's not his fault and it's not mine. I was told babies can feel your emotions, so I didn't want him absorbing or feeling my negativity because he would cry more.. I'm not sure if thsts true, but I treated like it was. I think it gets better after the first 5-6 weeks, and even later, if the crying starts, once you see them smile, you forget all about it. My son is 3 months old and has a much better sleep schedule. His naps and his feedings are pretty regular now. I get more sleep, etc. Eventually, you figure it out, just try to support her, and KNOW it won't be like this for too longI hope she feels better. That’s all the help I can offer. Good luck to you both.
@forhisglory5 Omg I’m so sorry for your loss. Can’t imagine. Thank you for the kind words, advice and encouragement. Like you said it all means a lot. Hoping the best for you too.