My son and my girlfriend's daughter are starting to call us mom and dad, respectively. What's the right thing to say/do?

[curiousaboutworship]

My girlfriend J is a single mom, I'm a single dad. Her daughter, G (10 years old) has referred to me as "dad" before and I feel weird but go along with it. Today while skiing someone told us we have a beautiful family. After skiing my son (5 years old) asked J if is she's his mom now. He's so innocent and so confused. I froze: I don't know what to do.

G tells my son that J is his step mother, and J responded with a joke that apparently this means we had secretly married.

My boy was still confused but the conversation moved on. I want to have a positive talk with him about this, one-on-one. But I don't know what to say? What's appropriate? Should we use "mom" and "dad" if we legitimately are starting to fill those roles? Or should I say "not until we are actually married"? What's age appropriate for a 5 year old?

Advice greatly appreciated.

 

[rbcooprs01]

@curiousaboutworship Can I ask the role your respective kids’ other biological parents are playing? I feel like that should weigh heavily on how to approach this.

 

[curiousaboutworship]

@rbcooprs01 Yes you may. It's Minimal.

Her daughter appears to have the old NY state default of "dad gets Wednesday and alternating weekends". Her daughter has half siblings she sees during those visits.
My ex wife abandoned us and she visits my son irregularly. I used to encourage her to come back and do 50/50 again. My son definitely overheard that. But It's not likely to happen. He still misses his mom but he hasn't said anything about missing living with her for a year now, he misses her visits by this point.

 

[mphsmom]

@curiousaboutworship Seems like the kids are looking for stability and hoping you and your GF will make them a whole family. Its not that uncommon. I would avoid using "mom" and "dad" until and if you two have decided to make that level of commitment to each other and the kids.

 

[curiousaboutworship]

@mphsmom Yeah, my girlfriend would give my son more stability than my ex wife. That commitment may be coming sooner than expected thanks to the kids.

 

[katrina2017]

@curiousaboutworship Imho, what they call you is of little importance.

Acknowledge though, that it’s how they see you that needs to be taken into account. They’re growing attached, as anyone would over time.

I check in with my girlfriend about the growing bond my daughter has with her; it’s gotta be terrifying for said GF. She’s betting on this relationship so much that she’s betting on TWO people at the same time, and one of them changes who she is almost daily.

 

[sissylynn]

@curiousaboutworship Sounds like a thing you and your girl have to discuss! That's a serious jump in roles so I would react the same way you did. Definitely not up to the kids to decide for you!

On the plus side, sounds like they'd be down for it hope you and your gf can work out a solution.

 

[kamwira]

@curiousaboutworship If his mom doesnt want to be involved I see no harm in it. Just make sure he knows that he has 2 moms. It would kill me to know my daughter started calling someone else mom but id never abandon her.