My ex doesn’t want to plan anything regarding our son?

[thebrokenman30]

Trying to plan this years summer vacation and work. Normally we do one week one week. I asked him when he is taking our son and this was his response (we are going to court soon, I don’t want money or anything from him and don’t discuss anything other than visitation with him, he wants full custody and a 2-2 visitation. I want share custody and a 7-7, but recently I am more and more convinced he might have a personality disorder and I am saying this very seriously and not out of spite. Maybe if he only had him every other weekend it would be better.

His responses he is 44 years old, 17 years older than me and I can’t have a discussion with him and I feel like I am in prison and will never be free, I feel like my life is not my own. We are going to court 10th of june but even one more month like this is killing me, it has been on going for a year as we have been waiting for a date. Our son is 6.:

U please mind ur summer holidays planning, I’ll mind mine & I do know when i’m having holidays with him

No time for BS anymore , I have a plane to catch bye bye

No deal, u mind ur business/holidays with him, I’ll mind mines

Btw see u soon at the court, they’ll decide all for us


Peace be with u & enjoy

 

[gentleaura]

@thebrokenman30 Not sure what state you are in, but it is extremely common now for most states to default to 50/50 parenting time. In my experience, summer vacation dates have to be exchanged by the end of March. However, the way my parenting plan is written, it really only matters for priority of week, meaning that if you both want the same week -- If you miss the deadline than you essentially give up your priority.

It is statistically unlikely that your co-parent would qualify for a diagnosis of a personality disorder (source: degrees in psychology, and used to be a social worker). What personality disorder do you believe them to have?

I would suggest looking at a 2-2-5-5. 7-7 may be a bit too long for a 6 year old.

...just my 2 cents...

 

[thebrokenman30]

@gentleaura Thanks. I am not in the us

 

[jada11]

@thebrokenman30 Since you're going to court in a month, this might be a "pick your battles" kind of situation. I can understand wanting to make plans, but it doesn't seem worth it to engage with him on this. Are there any truly crucial decisions that can't wait until June?

 

[vanhiep240594]

@thebrokenman30 This sounds terrible. I’m sorry you are forced to deal with this.

I would encourage you to try to not obsess about it. It sounds as if nothing of substance can change until your court date, so your anxiety is for naught.

That said, do retain an attorney if you can. And do have all of these text and email exchanges ready to present to the court.

I can understand where he might reasonably be prickly with you, and be unwilling to share the details of his vacation plans. But there is no reason to not simply share a schedule with you. In fact, sharing a schedule with you is a minimum, logical requirement. Neither of you can really plan anything without first agreeing on the basic logistics.

Is it maybe worth asking again? Like, be clear that you are just asking about the “when” of his plans? Tho perhaps that’s what you did.

In regards to 50/50 split: that seems to be the default finding here in the US, although statistically women (mothers) still receive majority custody. Hopefully you are able to get 50/50 without issue.

In regards to pattern: we did a 2-2-3-2-2-3 pattern these last 8 years. I was worried that such a pattern would be too chaotic for the kids (ages 6 and 8 at the start). But they seem to have done well. Their mother and I have always lived near each other, which clearly helps.

Good luck!

 

[thebrokenman30]

@vanhiep240594 Yes I just want to plan what week he has him for the summer holidays and what week i will have him so i personally can plan mu vacations, travels and work.

 

[belarm]

@thebrokenman30 There is a few people why specialize in high conflict co parenting and educate on getting all the details in writing so it works as the children grow. The more that is written in the agreement, the better not to have to modifications or leave grey areas for conflict. Such as pick-up times. Drop off times. Holidays can start early or after school. If you are plan ahead. It shows court you are trying to work together and they love things in writing. I have 3-2 during school since we live close by and week on week off during summer. Split holidays . Even/ odd etc. yet if we do choose to ask different from agreement we have it stated how soon in advance and if no agreement is made the court ones is the default schedule. Hope you get it sorted out soon.