My Daughters mother didn’t get me a Father’s Day card or even acknowledge it?

[tokkite]

So I’m from the U.K., and Mothers Day this year was the 19th March. I didn’t make a giant effort but I still made sure I got a card and a little something from my girl to give to her mum.

But her mum is so selfish about these types of things. She hasn’t even wished me a Happy Fathers Day, no card or anything of the such?

Am I being petty or does anyone else genuinely find this saddening as being a father is my life and it seems all she ever tries to do is shut me out?

Would you bother saying anything to the mother or would you just leave it and play her at her own game?

 

[luigari]

@tokkite Leave it alone. You may feel let down but it isn’t worth playing games here. If you can, arrange to spend special time with your child but don’t let her mum know it bothered you, thats probably what she wants. Leave the games at school and show your kid that you’re a great parent who’s only interest is being there for your kid.

 

[katrina2017]

@tokkite You’re not her dad. When your kid is older they’ll recognize you on their own.

 

[joyfulmana]

@tokkite Welcome to life. My kids mom acknowledged it by saying “headed out of town won’t help with Father’s Day”. And that’s all. No explanation, no happy Father’s Day. But here we are 5 years out and I’ve never gotten anything. Luckily for me my boys were up early and jumped on me on the couch gave me hugs and said happy Father’s Day. Honestly that’s all I need I will continue to celebrate my ex on Mother’s Day because I feel it’s the right thing to do for my boys, but I can’t control or change their actions.

 

[richief]

@tokkite a card that you will throw away?

 

[violetinchrist]

@richief Don’t stress it. People don’t always treat you how you’d like to be treated. You are more considerate in that way.

 

[nightfire61]

@tokkite Yes you're being petty, your ex does not owe you anything on father's day. I don't do anything for my ex's on father's day. They don't do anything for me on mother's day, my ex husband's wife does so I get her a card/flowers.

 

[october12]

@nightfire61 But like, you’re agreeing with OP’s point at the end: you get your ex husband’s wife flowers/card because she does the same for you. his situation is different from yours in that he does do something on the holiday for his ex, and he’s a little frustrated that she’s not reciprocating.

 

[nightfire61]

@october12 My ex husband has never done anything for me on mother's day after we split up, what his wife does is independent of him. I am friends with my ex husband's wife, talk to her daily etc. His ex does not have to reciprocate, doing something for someone with the expectation they will do something for you at later time is manipulative. The fact he's considering it a game/wanting to get back at her is why it's petty.

 

[october12]

@nightfire61 If your ex did do something for you on that holiday, and meant it, would you not do the same in return? I think it would be kind of immature not to. But I think the bigger deal is that he made sure his daughter had something to give her mom. To not do that in return is petty to me. One parent encouraging the child to treat their other parent well; the other parent unable to bring themself to do the same. I personally would be offended but get over it pretty quickly; I’ve learned to expect the worst from my ex, even when things are going well. OP doesn’t sound like they’re in a similar headspace. But it is not petty reciprocate a lack of courtesy.

 

[nightfire61]

@october12 I'll use my youngest's dad for that since youngest is also a toddler and my older kids do not care about participating in mother's/father's day. No, I would absolutely not do anything in return for him. I handed off the things our child made at daycare for father's day but that is as far as my courtesy is going to go. Not everyone has a reciprocating relationship with their ex, it's clear his ex does not wish to engage in gift exchanging for mother's/father's day. If he wants to continue, then that's up to him but there should be no expectation of her doing something for him in return. I don't think it's teaching a child how one parent is treating the other parent better. How about instead of expecting his ex to do something for him he create a father's day tradition between himself and his child that has nothing to do with his ex.

 

[october12]

@nightfire61

I don’t think it’s teaching a child how one parent is treating the other better.

Yeah that’s not what I said. At all. I’m saying it’s pretty small of someone to not be able to encourage their child to have a good relationship with their other parent. Is there a good reason, like that person being physically/emotionally abusive? Utterly vacant? No? Is the reason because there’s bad blood between the two parents? Yeah? Then in my opinion: tough. Suck it up and do the right thing.

 

[fionastone]

@tokkite Leave it be. If your ex didn't recognize you it's because she doesn't believe that is her place. Do something nice for yourself and celebrate you!

 

[jpk7742]

@tokkite Honestly, I was really uncomfortable when my ex arranged Mother's Day gifts. They were effectively presents from him that I couldn't refuse, and I didn't like it. Getting father's day gifts for him would stick in my craw, being polite when he deigns to turn up once a week and take the kids out for junk food is about my limit.

Maybe she's being selfish. Maybe she wasn't comfortable with giving gifts by proxy. Maybe she's just busy. In any case, the point of father's day is for the kid to express their love, not the kid's other parent, so I'd just let it go.

 

[spyderco]

@tokkite I make sure my kids always have something for him. I let them choose the gift/card so it isn't from me, but from their hearts. I'm just the money vessel. I also make sure they have something for his mom at Christmas.

I have yet to receive anything

 

[brotherdave7]

@tokkite I always used to get my ex a card from my kids now i won’t even get him that all apts school ect i handle and i have never gotten a happy mothers day from him so why should i go out of my way to make him feel special. His estranged wife isn’t his mother either but he still does for her. I wish everyone else a happy fathers day but him and this year my dad is on my list for lying to me.

 

[katrina2017]

@tokkite My bm has always gotten small little gifts or cards from me or at minimum a text for birthdays Christmas and Mother’s Day. I’ve missed one intentionally because I was tired of never getting any acknowledgement in return. She called me out on it and so I picked up the habit of thanking her again. Do you think I got a Happy Father’s Day today? Naw. I got bitched at.

 

[shroom]

@tokkite Yes you are get over it I haven't had a Father's Day in over 5 years quit bitching. You should be there for your child f*** the day of the year.

 

[heavensvoice]

@tokkite You aren’t her dad.

 

[heartfullofchrist]

@tokkite Did you do the right thing by helping your kid recognize her mom on Mother’s Day? Yes

Doing the right thing is all you can do… it’s disappointing that your ex didn’t show the same respect to your child (and this IS about your child), but we can’t change that someone else is behaving poorly