@farmerdex before going into your post, what have you as parents been doing to help her? I get that school sucks (LOL we've all been there) but do you often have discussions about her school work, help/support her with difficult units/subjects throughout the year? I know as a 14yr old, she really should be doing that on her own but some kids really do have struggles with school and then just get deeper into the abyss of failing. Asking because based on this post, there seems to be surprise that she failed when really, shouldn't you have seen this coming and stepped in to help?
anyway, I'd discuss with her. Give her the straight goods ie. it's $X to do summer school or she can be held back. If she does summer school, you'll keep a close eye on her grades and if she's not putting in any effort, then there will be consequences (you have to figure out what those are)....maybe hold off on allowance until the $400 is repaid, you pull her out and she has to redo 9th grade while her peers move on etc. Either way, involve her with the resolution and figure out why she didn't do well....maybe there is a reason.
@katrina2017 It's no surprise. She has this habit of sabotaging herself and blaming it on everyone and everything. She started the year with two study halls. About half way through the year they switched up classes because she was failing and couldn't get along with her teachers or peers. Three quarters through the year they switched up her classes again and put her in an assisted study hall but it was too little too late.
I wish I could help but she's smart, it's not the work, it's the attitude. You can't make someone care. She knows all 360° of the situation. She even knows that she is her own saboteur and that she plays victim. We've gone through this at length all day everyday for years, but now I'm at this final crossroad and I don't know which way to go.
@katrina2017 Not always. High school is a totally different animal and many teachers may not reach out. The transition from MS to HS can be horrible for some students. It is a learning curve that they have to speak up when they are doing poorly and advocate for themselves. Some just don't get it. Mine took the entire year!
My child passed (barely) Algebra this year and it has been torture. I want them to retake it as math builds on itself. Sigh...
I think summer school is a good option. It sucks but hopefully they won't let things get this bad again! Sending love!
@morgan772 Ah, my experience is totally different. I’ve had teachers / program coordinators / principal contact me, even if just to say that my kids were doing ok in their program. The school reaches out to set up individual teacher - parent conferences if we’re interested at least twice a year.
@katrina2017 That is really great for you! My child is in an IB school which is quite like a college. Part of me wishes there was more communication and part of me is glad they are learning to be independent. A happy middle, so to speak!
@morgan772 Both my kids are in IB as well. Youngest in Middle Years, oldest in the Diploma Program.
I also appreciate the fact that it makes kids independent in being in charge of their education. But when they hit a bump in the road, the school contacted me. The last time it happened, I was cc-ed in an email from my oldest’s program supervisor because he wasn’t on track with his extended essay. So I made sure he focused on that.
@morgan772 My son had maybe 2-3 teachers this year that would reach out to me. One had a nephew with autism (like my son) so he put forth more of an effort to try to help him (unfortunately, my son didn't do the best to reciprocate) and ask me for advice on what to do. I didn't always have the answer to that though.
They had an accomodation to my son's IEP, where his grades were to be based on mastery, rather than the amount of work assigned, because he's very smart and can pick up on things very quickly, even if he wasn't doing all the work. But most of them didn't follow it (I kept telling the diagnostician that they weren't but she wouldn't listen, so I eventually gave up). It just made for a very frustrating year.
@katrina2017 She started the year with two study halls, they switched up her classes a couple of time because she couldn't get along with the teacher or students. About half way through they said she was in danger of failing. Ultimately they put her in an assisted study hall, but it was too little too late. Her problem isn't the work, it's that the minute someone does/says something she doesn't like she "cancels" them...well guess what...you can't cancel your English teacher, you will fail.
@farmerdex I see that it’s more of an issue of attitude… so I don’t think option 1 or 2 are going to work if she’s not willing to cooperate to complete her education.
I would sit down with her and find the root of the problem. Did she fall in with the wrong crowd? Where does she get these ideas about being cancelled? Does she have too much time on her hands? What are her plans for the future?
Unless you fully understand where she comes from, I think you’ll have a hard time making her graduate.
@katrina2017 Students aren't the only ones slacking with the responsibilities these days. My oldest failed Biology 12; not one person at that school got in touch and we didn't have the option to view grades online. I ASSUMED that if she were having issues that the school would have been in touch.
A few years later, my son. Had ADHD, so I made a point of telling every teacher every semester that if there were any issues at all I needed to know as soon as they became apparent. This time I found out purely by fluke that he was failing English. Found out in time to help him and get the grade up to a pass, but it was rough going.
All I ever have asked for is an email, text, or phone call. It takes 5 minutes.
@farmerdex Does the school have credit retrieval that she can take? I work for a school district and we don’t “hold kids back” officially in HS but they just don’t graduate at the end if they don’t have enough credits. We have online classes and credit retrieval both of which are free and accelerated. I would start checking around to see what is available at other districts or online. And ask about all of the options from your district. Often there are things you don’t realize exist.
Figure out what makes her tick and use that as a carrot to get her motivated.
@kitty123 She needs 25 to graduate, but it really doesn't matter how she gets there. The "sophomore" designation is fluid. If she achieves 7 credits by the end of next year she could technically be a sophomore, but she has no wiggle room for the next three years.
Her only reason for wanting summer school is that she can't bare the thought of a 5th year. I don't think that's enough to inspire a flawless three years.
@farmerdex I can’t bear the thought of a 5 th year for her — mostly unmotivated teen who doesn’t enjoy school getting held back and being a year older than her peers? What could go wrong?
