My(16f) mom doesn’t want me having sex or my bf(17m) in my room but asked if i wanted to go on BC and said she would get me a plan B if i need it

[lunalovesjesus]

She told me that she thinks i need to go to an OB because she recently found out I was sexually active. She said that I could go on BC(Birth control) if i wanted to. However, she doesn’t allow me and my boyfriend in my room we are only allowed to sit in my living room since christmas. This is because of her reason that I got a new bed (because my other one was collapsing from age) and she doesn’t want him to break my bed. He’s a big guy 6’3” 340 lbs but i think it’s a little much myself especially considering my bed is rated to hold like 1000lbs. She has clearly stated she doesn’t want me having sex and that “abstinence is the best policy”. I don’t know how to go about this because i do want to get on BC i think but if I’m only having sex maybe 4 times a month is it even worth it? I’ve tried to convince her to ease up but she won’t. Any advice on getting her to allow us to be in my room and whether or not i should get on BC would be greatly appreciated.

 

[tamaraz]

@lunalovesjesus Get on it....even 4 times a month has a HUGE chance for an accident. Dont be a dumb teenager

 

[kflip]

@lunalovesjesus Your mom sounds extremely reasonable. She thinks you shouldn't be having sex, as it can lead to diseases, pregnancy, or both. However, she is smart enough to know that you already are, or thinks you will be having sex soon, so she would like you to practice as safe sex as possible. She also thinks you should respect her enough as a person to follow her rules and not have sex in her home when she doesn't want you having it.

Get the birth control and don't have sex in your mom's house. Also, you should be on birth control and also using condoms to ensure the safest sex you can.

 

[rrobsr]

@lunalovesjesus Don’t be an idiot. It only takes once to get pregnant. Get on BC.

 

[struggle101]

@lunalovesjesus That's pretty fair. Abstinance IS the best way to avoid getting pregnant. But if you aren't abstinent, even a few times a month poses a risk. And it is pretty icky to think of your kid having sex a couple rooms over. Its politer to find someplace else if the other people are going to be bothered.

And even if you are on BC, make sure partner is covering up too. Babies aren't the only thing you can catch from unprotected sex.

 

[leon2013]

@lunalovesjesus Definitely get on birth control today.

It's your parents' prerogative to have rules about their house, sure. But, to me, telling you not to have sex in the house is short-sighted. That rule just ensures you'll have sex elsewhere, not that you'll abstain. And when you do have sex somewhere else, where is that? Somewhere unsafe, uncomfortable, where you may feel rushed or pushed to consent when you're not ready, somewhere where — critically — a ready supply of condoms (which you're going to need in addition to the birth control you're going to get) may not be on hand?

The best scenario here is for you to get on birth control right away and IN ADDITION TO THAT for you to buy a ton of condoms to keep with you, in your house, at your boyfriend's house, in your backpacks, cars, whatever. Don't be caught off guard and make a rushed and potentially life-altering decision. And if you suggest to your mom that having sex at home protects your safety and promotes the use of contraception, perhaps that would help change her view.

OP, just for perspective: I'm the parent of a teenager. Good luck.

 

[lunalovesjesus]

@leon2013 But the part i don’t understand is she clearly knows i’m going to have sex anyway. why wouldn’t she want me to have it in a safe environment? If i was a parent i would want my teens doing whatever in a safe space.

 

[mollyg]

@lunalovesjesus Just because she knows you’re having sex and wants you to do it safely (bc, please for the love of all that’s holy take her up on her offer don’t be stupid) doesn’t mean she wants you to be doing it in her house.

Your mom has sex, do you want her to do it loudly while you’re at home and awake? No. Idc if you’re doing it respectfully or quietly she still knows it’s happening. It’s her house, and she can make those decisions.

When you’re a parent, hopefully many many years from now SO AGAIN GET ON BC! You can decide to have different rules for your kids but your mom sounds very reasonable and supportive

 

[raika]

@lunalovesjesus Because she is hoping by giving you hard time you will have it less. No birth control is 100% so anytime you have sex, you take risks she does not want you to take. If she can limit how much sex you have, she is keeping you saer than she would just letting you so it anytime you want.

 

[mmsyther]

@lunalovesjesus Maybe she's hoping it'll limit the frequency? Maybe she just doesn't want to sit in the living room with the knowledge her kid is getting laid down the hall? Who knows. It's not necessary super logical, but at the same time it makes perfect sense. Try to be respectful of her as she's trying to be respectful of you. As for BC, it is a good idea, but it's also worth looking into different kinds. People really undersell the ways hormonal birth control can affect your body. For a lot of people, it's fine. For me, my copper IUD has been a godsend. And condoms are always a must! Do some research, talk to a doctor, even talk to your mom about different options for ways to stay safe if you're worried about it. Stay smart and stay safe.

 

[lunalovesjesus]

@mmsyther I always try to be as respectful as possible. I came here because my friends really don’t know what to say about my situation. my boyfriend tells me i should stand up for myself but i know it’ll just cause a downward spiral. she doesn’t let me go to his house because she doesn’t want us having sex there either even though she wouldn’t be in the same house. I get not wanting to be in the same house but i hear and know when her and my stepdad are doing it. so it kind of makes me feel like there’s a double standard.

 

[mollyg]

@lunalovesjesus There is a double standard, a standard for the adults who own the house and a standard for the children they’re raising. It’s really not unjust in any way. Your mom must be really nice if you’re expecting equality across the board on things like this

 

[mmsyther]

@lunalovesjesus Yeah that is a bummer and I see how it could feel unfair. I think your mom is doing the best with a situation that is difficult to find yourself in as a parent. I always hate this response, but it is truly hard to grasp until you have a bit more experience in life and as a parent yourself. I don't mean that to sound condescending, it's just sometimes the actual answer, which sucks. Lots of people on here are coming down hard on you, but I think they forget what it feels like to be nearly an adult but still entirely at the mercy of your parents.

It sounds like maybe my first guess was close to right. I think your mom is trying to limit your opportunities to have sex while also trying to make sure you are as safe as possible if you still do so. Which, from an adult/parent perspective, sounds like a pretty decent move even if it doesn't feel fair to you. You're right, there is a double standard, but it comes with a lot of context. Things like you doubting the need for BC because you're only doing it once a week are exactly WHY she is probably trying to limit the chances you have to have sex. With age comes life experience and wisdom and sometimes you have to trust that even if it doesn't feel super fair. Best of luck to you.

 

[raika]

@lunalovesjesus They are two adults, in serious relationship, commited to living together a d doing it in their own house. It is also different if she gets accidentaly pregnant now or you at your age. You are still a minor, you might think thisnis love of your life but realisticly chances are high this is not gonna be forever one and you two are just bf and gf. Not commited adults living together. And you getting pregnant now is a whole lot different than at her age.... No double standard, just reasonable one.

Teens need to understand yall are teens, you can't have everything as an adult, because you are not one yet. I am an adult but only 24 years old and some situations are simply not the same for me or for my adult middle aged mom or my adult grandma.... But the difference between adult and a teenager is a whole lot bigger. And it is your mom's DUTY to protect you. Giving you age appropriate standard is part of that. Just like standards for 12 y/o teen are not the same as 17 y/o.

 

[grandmaof7]

@lunalovesjesus Try looking at it like drinking. Teenagers drink so I lecture my teens on the negatives of drinking and bad decisions like driving. It would be safer to let them drink at home but I know it’s not good for a developing brain (just like I know most 16yo are not mature enough for an adult sexual relationship). I also do not let my teens go somewhere that I suspect there will be drinking. But if they go there anyway I love my kids dearly and would come pick them up no questions asked.
Knowing the dangers of a teenage sexual relationship, I won’t allow it in my house. I also won’t knowingly allow them to go somewhere else for sex. But again, I love my kids dearly so I will provide birth control and condoms.
I also question his wanting you to push this subject. Is he intentionally creating strife in your life because he wants sex?
I can’t speak for your mom but this is why I have rules like this. I’m mom to teenage boys and girls.

 

[lonely_loser]

@lunalovesjesus It isn't your room. It is your mom's room. Her house, her rules. It is about respect.

When you get older and get your own house, would you want your mom to come over to screw her boyfriend and then make you clean her sheets when she is done? Probably not.

Also, if you are having sex, you should be using some type of bc. Based on this post, you clearly are not ready to be a parent.

 

[shanda3371]

@lunalovesjesus I mean, I wouldn’t want my daughter to have sex in my house, but if I know she’s having sex I’d definitely get her on birth control and have condoms available.

 

[deetang]

@lunalovesjesus Having any sex at all is a massive opportunity to get pregnant.

It sounds like your mom is doing exactly the right thing. She's letting you know that she thinks abstinence is the best choice, and she is enforcing rules in her own home, but she's also letting you make your own choices and making sure that you are safe and protected regardless of what you choose.

This is actually her being a really good mom. Tell her that yes, you want to get on birth control and then maybe even reassure her a little bit that you are thinking carefully about whatever choices you are making, and that you appreciate her looking out for you.

 

[nannybloon]

@deetang Yeah like I don't see how any teenager could think she's being a bad mom like she's offering birth control and saying abstinence is the best way.

 

[rere1991]

@lunalovesjesus I got pregnant with my happy little accident while on BC AND condom. So, yeah, it is worth it because mine was an oddity. And only reason we were using a condom was because it was throwing the most fertile time of the month for me.