My 15 y/o son is going to be the death of me 34 F
- Thread starter monae
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- parenting teens
thanks and hugs Reddit friend! We will make it through this 
coreenbieber
New member
@monae I was an impulsive teen like this but I have severe PTSD from abuse and ADHD.. I now have my own 15 yo but he’s not even close to being half as crazy as I was at his age.
I went through ALOT of crap with my mom. No one listened to me, asked me about my day.. nothing. I did stupid stuff for attention because that was the only way my parents even acknowledge my existence.
Spend time with your kids like you do your own friends (with boundaries). Get to know things like their favorite color and hobbies, dreams, and have conversations with them. Pick their brain and start learning about how they are wired. No therapist, cop, teacher or friend is going to reach him like you can!
I went through ALOT of crap with my mom. No one listened to me, asked me about my day.. nothing. I did stupid stuff for attention because that was the only way my parents even acknowledge my existence.
Spend time with your kids like you do your own friends (with boundaries). Get to know things like their favorite color and hobbies, dreams, and have conversations with them. Pick their brain and start learning about how they are wired. No therapist, cop, teacher or friend is going to reach him like you can!
@monae A few things, he sounds very smart actually, he might be incredibly bored w todays public school system, it’s a bit of a joke depending on where you live and if you’re not taking dual credit classes.
My friend put her son in military school and it was the best thing that she could have done for him. He’s a mature, strong, productive military man and he is married to a nice girl. I think he’s about 23 now. He’s very successful in the military.
The school cost them a lot of money, they had to get loans, but it was worth it. Many people go through the teen years and they make things harder on themselves, I was one of those people. Let your son know that no matter what you believe in him and that you know he’ll get through this, love him unconditionally but remain calm, consistent and firm in your rules. Don’t take his behavior personally, he’s not doing it to be the death of you, he’s working out his angst. I wish my mother would have done something drastic like military or boarding school for me. I graduated from college but was a single mom and things were just harder, I don’t regret having a child, but I do wish I was held to a higher standard rather than fighting my way back from drug use, selling drugs, dropping out and all kinds of other debauchery.
Good job momma, stay in the fight! Find a community of people you can depend on and don’t let him manipulate you. You’ve got this! One day soon he’ll be a grown man who thanks you for not putting up w his antics.
My friend put her son in military school and it was the best thing that she could have done for him. He’s a mature, strong, productive military man and he is married to a nice girl. I think he’s about 23 now. He’s very successful in the military.
The school cost them a lot of money, they had to get loans, but it was worth it. Many people go through the teen years and they make things harder on themselves, I was one of those people. Let your son know that no matter what you believe in him and that you know he’ll get through this, love him unconditionally but remain calm, consistent and firm in your rules. Don’t take his behavior personally, he’s not doing it to be the death of you, he’s working out his angst. I wish my mother would have done something drastic like military or boarding school for me. I graduated from college but was a single mom and things were just harder, I don’t regret having a child, but I do wish I was held to a higher standard rather than fighting my way back from drug use, selling drugs, dropping out and all kinds of other debauchery.
Good job momma, stay in the fight! Find a community of people you can depend on and don’t let him manipulate you. You’ve got this! One day soon he’ll be a grown man who thanks you for not putting up w his antics.
alexdenipaul
New member
@alexdenipaul He is a sweet kid actually… he is pretty kind and will take up for those he loves and other kids.
slybelvedere
New member
@monae Has he had a formal evaluation by a psychologist or a psychiatrist? If not, it would be good to figure out what is going on with him. This doesn’t sound like a parenting issue; I’m wondering about conduct disorder, depression, learning disabilities, oppositional defiant disorder, or disruptive behavior disorder. His symptoms seem beyond the scope of a parenting forum and I think he needs professional assessment and a treatment plan.
ajtony1313
New member
@monae Honestly, it’s sounds like adhd and odd combined. My kids have both as well and they will react the opposite of what is good for them just to spite whomever made the suggestion. And of course, it only hurts them.
One thing I don’t suggest is sending him away. There’s a whole troubled teen industry without enough oversight and frequently the kids end up with more trauma and never have the same relationship with their parents again.
One thing I don’t suggest is sending him away. There’s a whole troubled teen industry without enough oversight and frequently the kids end up with more trauma and never have the same relationship with their parents again.
@ajtony1313 Yea i definitely don’t want to jeopardize our relationship or cause him any more trauma than he may already have.
laurapalooza
New member
@monae Does he play lacrosse on a high school team?
Athletic leagues in my state typically require a student athlete to maintain a 2.0 GPA (C grades) or they cannot participate in school sports. This is true even for IEP students because education comes first.
I suggest looking for parenting classes in your area and figure out how to change your parenting approach. For example, you should know early in the school year that his grades are suffering and be in frequent communication with his teachers and working directly with him on homework and studying.
The IEP alone won't solve his issues. The leading indicator of a student's performance in a classroom is... their home life.
Athletic leagues in my state typically require a student athlete to maintain a 2.0 GPA (C grades) or they cannot participate in school sports. This is true even for IEP students because education comes first.
I suggest looking for parenting classes in your area and figure out how to change your parenting approach. For example, you should know early in the school year that his grades are suffering and be in frequent communication with his teachers and working directly with him on homework and studying.
The IEP alone won't solve his issues. The leading indicator of a student's performance in a classroom is... their home life.
@laurapalooza He does but his highschool team while attached to the highschool is not school sanctioned so those rules don’t apply.
I keep up with his grades but turns absolutely nothing in and literally sits in class and does nothing.
I suppose taking away lacrosse could be something but I feel like taking the only good and positive thing out of his life would be disastrous.
I understand where you are coming from about the home life but I just don’t always think that’s the case. You can have great involved parents and still have a child who literally just doesn’t give a damn. No matter how much I hover or check in on grades and tell him to do something. Which is a daily thing.
Will for sure look into parenting classes or maybe family therapy that maybe that can provide some guidance on a better how to parent him better.
Thanks!
I keep up with his grades but turns absolutely nothing in and literally sits in class and does nothing.
I suppose taking away lacrosse could be something but I feel like taking the only good and positive thing out of his life would be disastrous.
I understand where you are coming from about the home life but I just don’t always think that’s the case. You can have great involved parents and still have a child who literally just doesn’t give a damn. No matter how much I hover or check in on grades and tell him to do something. Which is a daily thing.
Will for sure look into parenting classes or maybe family therapy that maybe that can provide some guidance on a better how to parent him better.
Thanks!
I’ll add I am always in frequent communication with his teachers.
I look everyday to see what he’s missing check with teachers if it’s accurate then if he is make him do it. The problem is even if he does he just doesn’t turn it in. I ask again then it’s too late bc it goes on and on like that.
He will literally sit in class during the day when he is supposed to take a test and just not take the test. He was grounded basically all year because of it but I don’t have the heart like I said to keep him from the one positive thing in his life. Maybe I am wrong in that.
I look everyday to see what he’s missing check with teachers if it’s accurate then if he is make him do it. The problem is even if he does he just doesn’t turn it in. I ask again then it’s too late bc it goes on and on like that.
He will literally sit in class during the day when he is supposed to take a test and just not take the test. He was grounded basically all year because of it but I don’t have the heart like I said to keep him from the one positive thing in his life. Maybe I am wrong in that.
laurapalooza
New member
@monae You control whether he plays lacrosse. Set consequences. If sitting at home doing nothing except staring at a wall is preferable for him to participating in school and playing lacrosse, oh well. No phone. No TV. No Internet. No going out. No having anyone over.
Yes, I might consider boarding school in that situation. They'll set similar consequences for such behavior and presumably have better monitoring of him around the clock.
Yes, I might consider boarding school in that situation. They'll set similar consequences for such behavior and presumably have better monitoring of him around the clock.
@laurapalooza I guess I need to try that. The taking the one thing that is a good thing for him (lacrosse) kills me thinking about and has been discouraged by his therapists.
I do much of those. Here is my problem with phone he is at home a few hours before I get off work. Maybe 2 accept on lacrosse days it would only be an hour then he goes to lacrosse.
I have before taken the phone away shut off and got a landline for safety Perhaps and that lasted 6 months. When he got back into school early for good behavior and good grades I let him have his phone back.
I guess I need to go back to a landline and take the phone. He doesn’t have anything else electronic currently.
I do much of those. Here is my problem with phone he is at home a few hours before I get off work. Maybe 2 accept on lacrosse days it would only be an hour then he goes to lacrosse.
I have before taken the phone away shut off and got a landline for safety Perhaps and that lasted 6 months. When he got back into school early for good behavior and good grades I let him have his phone back.
I guess I need to go back to a landline and take the phone. He doesn’t have anything else electronic currently.
laurapalooza
New member
@laurapalooza Absolutely will do. Thanks.
@laurapalooza These ideas will just push at risk teens further away. Sports, music, and any activities that are healthy and positive need to be supported and encouraged. These places also offer the youth a place to interact with other healthy youth and positive coaches / teachers. Keep on with the counseling and get into the root causes of the problem.
things I can do.@laurapalooza I appreciate your input.
@monae You mentioned he has an IEP - has he been tested for ADHD and other learning issues? What is the IEP in place for? He sounds like he has trouble with executive functioning and focus, so if the school works with the IEP as they should, it may help. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this and I feel for you not wanting to take away the one thing he enjoys! Honestly I am not sure if that would be the right move either - depends on why he is having issues. That said, smoking weed and possibly dealing is a big problem! I just feel like there is something underlying this and getting to the bottom of it, rather than taking away the thing he enjoys, would be good. No answers but wish you luck mama!