Moving, Schools, and Change..

[sheepofjesus]

Long story short, my husband and I divorced last April and we have 50/50 custody. My daughter (12) and I live in the same house as we did before the divorce; we've been here 11 years. My ex/her dad now lives with his mother. Since his mother's address is not in the same school district, it was decided my address would be used for school purposes.

Now, on to today. I need to move. I live across the street from an ever expanding hospital and my landlady is keen on selling to said hospital but is willing to give me time. She has been great, so I'd like to move on quickly so she can sell. On top of that, this place is falling apart around us. We should have moved long ago.

Onto the issue. My daughter is very insistent on staying in the same school district. She's got her friends there, middle school sucks anyway! Plus, she's been through so much unwanted change this past year with the divorce. I totally feel where she's coming from.

However, realistically, finding a place that is a. in that district, b. isn't in a worse neighborhood than we're in now or, if not, c. out of my price range and/or d. will accept our pets is... tough... to say the least. All of the 'middle of the road' options are in the other middle school's district. (There are only 2)

I'm so torn! I don't know what to do! One part of me says to wait for the perfect place that will be in a nice neighborhood, in her district, in my price range, that also accepts pets because the poor girl has been through so much the past couple of years and more change isn't what she needs!

Then the other half says that change is a part of life, wanted or not, fun or not, and we have to deal with what we have and it's my duty as mother to model how to navigate such a situation gracefully. Also, this will also allows us to move in to a nicer place in a nicer neighborhood that will allow pets. So, I should make her deal with it and be there for her during the transition.

I have tried to be neutral, but I know that's not entirely possible. I'm sure it's clear that deep down I want to move regardless of school district but I'm honestly torn because I don't want to damage her mentally by being a selfish ass. Be honest, harsh if need be, am I being a selfish by wanting to find the right place regardless of school district or should I do whatever it takes to keep her in the same school?

FYI: She's in 6th grade. Middle school here is 6th through 8th grade.

 

[nihilistiostsoul]

@sheepofjesus Is there a friend or relative in that school district whose address you can use if you find a place out of district?? My kids not in school yet so I dont know if this is a stupid suggestion. You're in a tough spot!!

 

[kellyomara]

@nihilistiostsoul That's fraud and has serious consequences. I do not recommend this.

 

[sheepofjesus]

@nihilistiostsoul Good suggestion, but unfortunately not

 

[sissylynn]

@sheepofjesus One thing that's common in my area is school of choice even out of district. Wouldn't hurt to reach out to the district office to see what they might be able to do.

 

[kellyomara]

@sheepofjesus Well, you know your daughter best but if you think she's mature enough, I would lay out the issues - you might be able to stay in district but it would mean that the two of you move to a one-bedroom apartment and you guys would need to give up your pets.

On the other hand, you guys could move during the summer and she will get a fresh start at school in the fall. Yes, this is a scary prospect but at the same time everyone starts out fresh in the fall and while it will be hard at first, long term everything will work out.

At the end of the day you may just need to make the executive decision that the best choice for everyone is to move to a new school district. Will she be mad? Yes. Is this fair to her? No. However, life isn't fair and this will be a good, yet shitty, learning experience.

 

[themaccauk11]

@sheepofjesus I think it should be a bigger concern if she were switching in gr 8. It is only 2 years at the other school.

Is the high school that she should be going to the same that her current friends might go to?

Maybe see if there are some after school programs any of her friends from her current school are in and put your daughter in it as well.

Or offer your daughter an after school program and see if any of her friends will join.

Even doing an at home girls night with her friends the first sat of every month and teach them how to bake brownies, or something they like doing. Or letting them figure it out.

 

[tahitirun]

@sheepofjesus Sounds like you are letting guilt hold you back from making a firm decision. If you gotta move to a different district bc it is financially possible and necessary, your daughter will have to deal. She will still have access to her friends and can visit them right?