Mom shamed for formula feeding

[mikailao20]

I was recently mom shamed for formula feeding and I just can't stop thinking about it, not sure if it's the hormones, but every time I go to prepare my LO's formula I think about the comment. Does anyone have any advice on how to get past this?

My husband's friend had her baby a few months before us. The topic of feeding came up between them during a chat. My husband said she was shocked I wasn't breastfeeding and using formula and giving pumped milk occasionally. She said formula fed babies tend to sick, aren't as smart. Keep in mind this lady is a L&D nurse (briefly, she only worked as one a few months before having baby).

I'm formula feeding due to low supply, I just can't seem to pump more than a few ounces per day and have seen a lactation consultant. I really wished I could have breastfed, but I'm also grateful formula exists so I can feed my baby, who is thriving and just the happiest sweetest baby. I didn't think much of formula feeding before as my baby needs to eat, but her comments have really hurt me.

 

[katrina2017]

@mikailao20 Let’s hope her baby gains some IQ points from the breastfeeding because it sounds like she isn’t the brightest bulb

 

[adrainsmith]

@katrina2017 Lets hope the kid gets some empathy and tact too.

 

[servantofchrist27]

@katrina2017 HAHAHA

 

[jamad]

@mikailao20 I've had a few people say to me, "breast fed babies are smarter". I always ask, "Oh were you breastfed?"

And then whatever their response is I just raise my eyebrows. Because if they said yes, and I'm silent in return, they're assuming I'm being rude and pointing out that they're an idiot. And if they said no, then again - I'm being rude and pointing out that maybe they're not as smart as they should be then.

Either way, it gets folks to stfu about it.

 

[hoangpr]

@jamad Raised eyebrows and silence…. I love the damage it can do in conversations like these. Bravo!

 

[servantofchrist27]

@jamad Or I say- I wasn’t breastfed and I became a nurse sooo.. you’re saying I could have been a doctor if my mom breastfed me? K cool

 

[littleangelic]

@jamad Lol. I almost wish someone would say that to me so I could use this response.

 

[cees]

@mikailao20 Thank goodness she’s not spreading this disheartening nonsense to new moms in the birthing suite.

I would let your husband know you aren’t interested in spending more time around her — or hearing her opinions secondhand — and let her keep her negative misinformation to herself.

 

[guyfromnorway]

@cees One of my L&D nurses shaded me so hard when I put in my birth plan that I wanted to supplement with formula over donor milk. I can still hear it. “It says here you want to supplement with…checks paper…formula?! You know we have donor milk available, right?” Yes, I was made extremely aware but tbh I don’t want it. It made me feel like more of a failure than that awful nurse already made me feel like when she berated me for not being able to get up to go to the bathroom since I lost a ton of blood and didn’t get any food after I delivered at 3 in the morning. Some of these nurses do not belong in the field at all and what a good thing that the person OP encountered is no longer making other new mothers feel terrible.

 

[mikailao20]

@cees Originally our LOs were supposed to meet this summer but I am definitely going to

 

[revdstephen]

@mikailao20 She’s an idiot. Plz avoid. A happy parent is the most important thing. Science has advanced so much, we can get 3d ultrasounds, get c sections, epidurals and help with blood sugars etc. Incase you see her again pls ask her why she even delivered in a hospital ! And I always think of formulas like protein shakes which have all the nutrients needed. Personally I think combo feeding is the best option because one can supplement the other.

 

[anonyme]

@mikailao20 TW: Child harm

Does she know what can actually cause kids to be "not as smart"? Sustaining brain damage from starvation and dehydration due to attempts to EBF with insufficient supply, that's what. Which is a thing that very sadly does actually happen, and it's totally preventable if parents do as you have done and supplement with formula.

You are fine, she is an idiot who spreading potentially dangerous misinformation.

 

[mikailao20]

@anonyme Thank you, this is why I'm now primarily using formula and my LO loves it and is thriving

 

[dpasek]

@anonyme This

 

[rlb]

@mikailao20 As a husband myself did he not say anything? My wife just isn't able to breastfeed either (low supply), so we either formula feed or our baby starves; so that would be her suggestion?

Myself I would have probably lit into her ass...and would want to know what her evidence is; people say crap like this all the time without backing it other than some Facebook group.

(Yes I know you can buy breast milk, but it would cost like $80 a day...)

 

[mikailao20]

@rlb Yes my husband told her we believe that fed is best and our LO is thriving and she said breast is best and he ended the conversation

 

[dpasek]

@rlb Is she not comfortable with peer to peer?

 

[rlb]

@dpasek Did not realize that being "comfortable" was the only obstacle...thanks for the tip!

What may be an option for some, does not mean it is an option for everyone.

 

[dpasek]

@rlb I’ve shopped my breastmilk to women in other states before. I literally do not believe in obstacles, if you want something done it can be done.