Let’s talk about it: child support

[ericsnow]

Why does it seem so taboo?
Why are we made to feel bad for seeking it?

Edit: maybe taboo was the wrong word to use. It’s usually a point of contention

 

[bella9525]

@ericsnow I think part of it is that we only hear about the extremes. We hear about the deadbeats paying next to nothing a month and still missing payments, and those getting thousands a month and still complaining.

The quiet majority in the middle aren’t making any noise.

 

[ericsnow]

@bella9525 I think you’re right about this. I guess it’s just like Google reviews— you only hear about the bad ones

 

[katrina2017]

@ericsnow I think the state should be automatically collecting support from non-custodial parents and distributing funds towards custodial parents through a neutral mechanism like taxes.

It's kinda bullshit that the law says a parent has a financial obligation to support their own child, that a child is entitled to the support payments, but no one enforces it until a custodial parent takes the steps to collect. Which leaves that custodial parent open to all sorts of criticism and scrutiny for daring to collect on what's theirs and their child's rights.

Money going into a household with a kid benefits the kid. Single income households defintely need a boost in this economy. That's the entire discussion that we should be having. Anything beyond that is sour grapes stories spread around by deadbeats showing exactly why they don't deserve to have their own families in their lives.

 

[slimjack18]

@katrina2017 This is pretty much exactly how I feel about it. I’m not trying to tell my ex how to do the right thing by his kids by sharing the financial responsibility - I spent way too long trying to help him see the person he could be, I have no desire to have that energy back in my life. If government policy states that both biological parents are responsible for financially supporting that child, they can set up a process to make it happen.

 

[katrina2017]

@slimjack18

If government policy states that both biological parents are responsible for financially supporting that child, they can set up a process to make it happen.

Not just that, if you're low income and need food and housing services, you're required to sign up for child support before receiving those benefits. There are a lot of households that really need those benefits-- which are a significantly more dependable household income stream than whatever baby daddy can spare-- but can't get them because the process of signing up for child support is not an option for whatever reason.

The way the government requires support but is so hands off about enforcing it opens vulnerable mothers and children up to ongoing abuse in the worst case scenarios. It's not an ethical system the way it's run currently at all.

 

[katrina2017]

There is podcast for that, it’s called ‘The Trap’ by Jess Hill. I know it’s on Apple, not sure if it’s elsewhere. It was done in conjunction with The Victorian Police Force and The Victorian Women’s trust.

It’s about how completely broken the system is and it repeatedly punished the victim. (Usually mothers and their children)

 

[katrina2017]

@ericsnow It’s taboo because most single parent families are led by women and most child support is owed by men. It’s literally billions of dollars that are owed in child support.

Many women are too afraid to seek proper child support due to fear of retaliation.

It’s ‘normal’ in a sole parent family headed by a woman to be living in poverty, they don’t have the means to seek proper representation to get the support they deserve.

I know I’ll be downvoted for stating easily searchable facts because that’s what Reddit does.

 

[walterharr]

@ericsnow Uh, it’s not taboo? And I don’t feel bad in the slightest?

 

[ericsnow]

@walterharr I’ve seen a few posts recently of single parents who’ve been seeking advice on filing for child support because they feel bad, don’t think they should, etc. when the other parent doesn’t do enough for the child(ren). I felt the same way & I’m just curious about others’ perspective.

 

[walterharr]

@ericsnow Right - I didn’t mean to come across as nasty. I just think it’s wild some men want to play, screw and have fun, then just walk away Bc they “don’t want to” and a child has to suffer, be in poverty, or go without. I do understand that sometimes it’s better than poking the bear and bringing in a parent that would actually be a negative influence in the child’s life, if they leave you alone otherwise. But other than that they can kick rocks, takes two to make a baby, both can pay.

 

[onelovejenn]

@walterharr Ditto. I know how lucky I've been in a lot of ways when I became a mother, but I have not heard of anyone who was made to feel bad for collecting support. Seems weird.

 

[thewoman2014]

@onelovejenn My bd and mother shamed me for it.

 

[kamonra]

@ericsnow There’s nothing taboo about men having to contribute financially to the children they created.

 

[katrina2017]

@kamonra Or women for that matter if they are the non custodial parent.

 

[geterson]

@kamonra Women too. It’s not us vs them. Stop that nonsense.

 

[kamonra]

@geterson Ok it’s nonsense because it’s only true like…90% of the time. If it doesn’t apply to you, congrats, you’re a decent human, move along.

 

[momto3]

@ericsnow Can we also talk about how hard it is to get? My first childs father (we were together for 10 years before anyone comes at me) did a complete 180 when we found out we were having my daughter. Was gone almost 10 years. When I fell on hard times and the state started seeking him for child support (he had moved half way across the country) he was back 120k. He came back just long enough to mess her up, voluntarily terminate rights and the state wrote off the 120 k. Im now stuck with zero financial help and shes so messed up from him that therapy alone is 400 a week. Now my second childs father has done similar (again, together 5 years, had baby, he found some girl on line and lives across the country) and trying to get help is insane. retainer fees for lawyers alone are crazy. and I just found out he apparently changed his name too. but according to them im the effed up bitter one I guess.

And yes I have bad luck. The sad part is at almost 38, these are 2 of the 3 relationships Ive been in in my whole life.

 

[katrina2017]

@momto3 This is why I don’t have relationships anymore. I am joyfully and gloriously unfettered.

 

[ericsnow]

@momto3 I was with my ex for 5 years and when I found out I was a pregnant, a baby “didn’t fit into his plans”