Let’s talk about it: child support

[isaih520]

@ericsnow As someone who feels bad about it I’ll give you my personal insight (fully knowing I’m going to be crucified).

There are a few reasons I’ll outline the main ones:
1. My daughters father asked me to have an abortion and I didn’t want to/couldn’t because of my personal religion. Now PERSONAL is the key word, I also believe that someone who doesn’t want to be or isn’t ready to be a parent shouldn’t have to be, I never asked him to stay I continued my pregnancy knowing full well the responsibility I was choosing to have, but he didn’t have a choice. So to me to make him financially responsible for my personal beliefs felt wrong.
2. I don’t want to do things out of bitterness. Thank God I have more than enough to sustain and give my daughter everything she needs an more, so I don’t want to take from him just to “teach him a lesson”
3. I don’t want to make money a factor in his relationship with his daughter like I don’t want him to resent her for that money, although I do concede that a parent who does resent his child because of money isn’t a parent that loves their child so there is that.

Now I do agree with the arguments people have made: 1. He chose so have sex without protection and that’s when he made his choice to become a parent.
2. It’s not fair to the child (and this one does get me) because that money belongs to them. It’s for them not the parent receiving the money so the parent should fight for their kids to get everything they are entitled to.

It’s hard because although I do absolutely believe child support is not a bad thing and I completely understand why they have to and should pay it I still feel really bad about it.

 

[backyardfc]

@ericsnow Unfortunately, it's necessary for the care of the kids in most situations. Yeah, some people abuse the hell out of it, but there are those that actually, genuinely need it and use it appropriately and responsibly.

 

[katrina2017]

@backyardfc

Yeah, some people abuse the hell out of it,

Whenever I see anyone talk about abusing child support, it usually goes something like, ' custodial parent just bought something that is not an essential item for little Jimmy, therefore they're abusing child support,' which is a total non-sequitur logical fallacy based on the non-custodial parent's emotions about feeling wronged for having to pay support. As if a household's expenses are now required to be 100% child related once a parent is granted child support. That's a totally absurd notion.

If a custodial parent is parenting and doing all the normal shit a parent does-- ie, feed, clothe, house, care and educate a kid-- they're spending money on that kid, and the child support payment is offsetting that cost. Child support payments are not random numbers, they're calculated based on those kid-related budget items to offset a percentage of that cost for the custodial parent. That's the end of it. If a custodial parent isn't doing those things and is living in a flop house and neglecting the kid, that's a 'primary parent shouldn't have custody' type of problem, not an 'abusing child support' kind of problem.

 

[backyardfc]

@katrina2017 Ok, that's great, but that's not what I meant by abuse. See, my mom collected child support my entire life. Yeah, and every red cent was spent on drugs and going to the bar. I had to steal money from her purse so I could feed us that week. And I was the baby. Around 4 when I started. The only reason we had a roof over our heads was state benefits and God only knows how the lights stayed on. That's abuse of child support. That's what I mean.