@sherina Not at all. We are a month ahead of you and he’s only been left once alone with my mum without one of us there (he was 4 weeks old, we were gone for barely 1.5 hours and he slept the whole time so as far as he was aware we never left him!). A second time I was out for barely an hour but my boyfriend was WFH upstairs.
Currently I’d only be comfortable in an emergency situation even though I trust my mum completely with him. Other people I know leave their babies with grandparents multiple times a week for most of the day so it all depends on how you feel and there is no correct or right time.
@sherina My daughter is 20 months old. Ans while she goes to nursery for 3 hours every day, I still haven’t been able to leave her for a few hours with someone while I go anywhere (nursery is within my compound and approx 2 min walk so I feel like I’m close by enough)
Everyone is ready for this at different times, take your time
@sherina I felt funny today leaving my 5mo in the car with his grandma while me and my partner went into a store for less than 5mins. No distrust whatsoever and all MIL did was chat to him from the front seat but I was highly aware that neither my partner or I was with him. I think it was the first time that had happened and it felt super strange. So no not crazy, everyone has their own feelings.
@sherina I personally was fine with leaving for a few hours at that age, I remember leaving with my husband to go get a haircut and have lunch together as a mini date while he was with grandma. By 6 months he was in daycare full time so obviously it's different for each family. But for me, I don't see a big difference between napping while grandma watches the baby and leaving for a bit while grandma watches the baby. That said, I had my first time away from the baby at only a couple weeks old to go out for dinner. We were gone for less than 2 hours and my dad had wasted 4 ounces of my pumped milk when the baby wasn't really hungry. So obviously I was comfortable with it a lot earlier than you are and that's not a problem.
@sherina You’re not crazy. My baby girl is 1. The in-laws have offered to watch her without us, aka sleeping over. But I’m not ready. Also I’m still breastfeeding and she cosleeps with us so no, it’s not happening. Besides, they’re old and my daughter never stops lol she’d wear them out. If it’s the alone time they want with your baby and they keep pushing, you have to ask yourself why they want you gone? To me that raises alarm bells.
@sherina Totally normal. I hate leaving my baby when I don’t have to. The only other person I like him being with when I’m available is his dad. And he’s 13 months now. Not that I’m unreasonable about it. But I just get this feeling… not quite guilt. Not sure what it is. But if I’m available, even when I wish I could have a break, I don’t want him that far away. I like him close even when he’s driving me crazy.
@sherina We've been leaving our baby with her grandmothers while we (husband and me) do errands since she was 2 weeks old, she's 5 weeks now and tonight her grandmother (MIL) will be up with her all night so I can get some sleep.
I know everyone's situation is different, but we want our daughter to have a strong relationship with her grandparents, and we don't expect her to be able to grow that bond if we don't give it the opportunity
@sherina With my first I would have done it, but I was back to work too and didn't have much options.
With my 2nd, I wouldn't have left her that early.
I will say when my 1st baby was 7 months old (I think) I'm trying to remember, I recieved a gift certificate for a massage pampering package- like a couple hours of services. I went on the weekend when I normally would have been spending all day with her. I did NOT enjoy that one bit because of the guilt, but other things that I did, like social things meeting friends after she was already asleep with her dad I was ok with. I felt bad not being at the house during her awake and fun hours.
@sherina Not crazy at all! It took me a long time, but watching my mom with him I became comfortable with it and to me, him going over gave me a break so I could regroup and be the mom I wanted to be. And also run errands/clean so we could have quality time together.
@sherina No my daughter is 14 months and I still don’t feel comfortable being away from her for more than two hours and it took me a long to be ready to be away from her at all. Don’t let anyone pressure into something you’re not ready for
@sherina Not crazy at all, it's really hard and happens at different times for everyone! I started leaving my baby with people quite young (probably about 6 weeks, maybe 2 months?) and it was really hard but it let me go food shopping without all the hassle etc. He's 4 months now and he's fine with being left for a few hours, has had a couple of sleepovers and I feel much better for being able to run errands without him in tow. The guilt never goes away though, I always feel bad
@sherina I didn't feel ready for this until he was 2 years. So it's really up to your personal comfort level! If you aren't ready just tell them you don't feel ready but will let them know when you do. My biggest advice would be to trust your gut and not feel pressured into doing anything with baby you aren't ready for.
@sherina I have a lot of trouble being away from my babies for very long for at least the first year. When I do need to leaves them, though, I’ve found that it’s a lot easier for me if whoever’s watching them comes to my house. I feel more comfortable knowing that baby is in a familiar space with their crib for any naps and any supplies they could possibly need. So if you feel like you want to try, maybe you could leave the house while MIL is there, instead of dropping baby at her place?
@sherina I totally understand your feelings, there is nothing wrong with you! However, if baby is happy with them and you trust them and they're willing, that is a VERY nice thing! AND - sometimes getting them used to another caregiver at a younger age can help them have a little less separation anxiety later. It's not a guarantee but anecdotally I do notice that in my daughter's peers at church - the two that get cared for by Grandma once or twice a week are different in how they separate for nursery time. My daughter is an absolute WRECK so I always have to stay with her LOL
So... and I say this gently... I would advise you to take your MIL up on it for your baby's sake, even if it's a little hard for you. You could start with an hour and work up as you become more comfortable!
We lived with my MIL for a few years while some of my kids were little and those kids have a special bond with her. (I love her to death and trust her to death but I'm glad we live separately now - it's hard to share a house and I'm glad she lives only 10 min away) It's really special to be close to your grandparents. Not that it HAS to start at 4 months, but ... if she's willing and wants to, it can be a wonderful thing!
But you're NOT crazy for feeling the way you do, either. No judgment if you choose not to!
