It's Survey Time - TFAB Demographics and Sub Feedback
- Thread starter kvn
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- mod trying for a baby
@4jesus1 FYI, there isn't anything like that tracked! Unless someone were to submit in one of the long form responses something like "hey this is gato-de-schrodinger and here are my thoughts on this thing!". There will be two posts, one for the demographics results with alllll the pretty bar graphs and pie charts and one for the general sub survey.
@skitta Nice! I'm really interested to see the summary of results and demographics.
I was actually thinking about my response to the survey this evening, and I was wondering if this is a "transient" subreddit. And by that I mean, the very nature of TTC is (hopefully) a transient phase assuming we get the goal we all want. As a result, "grads" go on to leave this sub (unless they return after a loss or to try for a second or subsequent baby).
As a result, some of the regulars probably end up being folks who are struggling to conceive or waiting or maybe are lurkers. This is not to point fingers or say who the sub is or isn't for, it's merely an observation.
I didn't put this in my response, but I wish I would have. I think the results of the survey may help serve the needs of the community better and know the makeup of the members.
I was actually thinking about my response to the survey this evening, and I was wondering if this is a "transient" subreddit. And by that I mean, the very nature of TTC is (hopefully) a transient phase assuming we get the goal we all want. As a result, "grads" go on to leave this sub (unless they return after a loss or to try for a second or subsequent baby).
As a result, some of the regulars probably end up being folks who are struggling to conceive or waiting or maybe are lurkers. This is not to point fingers or say who the sub is or isn't for, it's merely an observation.
I didn't put this in my response, but I wish I would have. I think the results of the survey may help serve the needs of the community better and know the makeup of the members.
@4jesus1 It very much is. A common thing I see, not just in the survey responses but in general, is that TFAB doesn't seem to be for people who haven't been trying long. This isn't true, but I can see why the perception exists. In any community, people who have been around for a while are going to be more visible and known. More people in early cycles tend to be casual posters or lurkers, or they get their BFPs quickly and move on. They may not be at a stage yet where they feel that the support of a community like this is necessary.
Related, but grads who stick around tend to also be ones who were around for longer. Someone who conceives in two or three cycles is likely to jump right over to babybumps and not give this place a second thought - TTC was a temporary stage that they're done with. Whereas someone who took six or eight or ten or sixteen cycles to conceive is far more likely to hang around - they've connected with the community, and likely have been through enough crap with TTC that they have a lot of knowledge and advice to give.
This is, ultimately, a community for information, learning, and support, and the more you put in, the more you get out of it. That's part of why the recent spate of endless standalones is such a contentious issue - they are overwhelmingly from people who do not participate in the sub in any other way, and want support without giving any in return. It's essentially being an emotional vampire.
It's also worth noting that during the last mod elections, we specifically put out a call for newer members who were in lower cycles to put themselves forward. Not many did. The case really is that a lot of people come here only expecting to be here a couple months, and by and large don't start to really connect with the community until they hit that moment of "shit, maybe this isn't so easy". For some people that hits at cycle 2. For others, they never reach that point.
We also tend to prefer science and evidence-based practices over old wives tales, superstition, and confirmation bias. This can be something of a culture shock to new members who are expecting a babycenter-like attitude. Which, fair. But tbh, pretty much every other TTC board on the internet is like that. This is the one corner that isn't. TFAB is for everyone trying, but that doesn't mean it's the ideal fit for every single person. If someone is a b*by d*st thrower who thinks they can perfectly plan when they get pregnant and tells people to just relaaaaax...this probably isn't the community for them. And that's okay.
Related, but grads who stick around tend to also be ones who were around for longer. Someone who conceives in two or three cycles is likely to jump right over to babybumps and not give this place a second thought - TTC was a temporary stage that they're done with. Whereas someone who took six or eight or ten or sixteen cycles to conceive is far more likely to hang around - they've connected with the community, and likely have been through enough crap with TTC that they have a lot of knowledge and advice to give.
This is, ultimately, a community for information, learning, and support, and the more you put in, the more you get out of it. That's part of why the recent spate of endless standalones is such a contentious issue - they are overwhelmingly from people who do not participate in the sub in any other way, and want support without giving any in return. It's essentially being an emotional vampire.
It's also worth noting that during the last mod elections, we specifically put out a call for newer members who were in lower cycles to put themselves forward. Not many did. The case really is that a lot of people come here only expecting to be here a couple months, and by and large don't start to really connect with the community until they hit that moment of "shit, maybe this isn't so easy". For some people that hits at cycle 2. For others, they never reach that point.
We also tend to prefer science and evidence-based practices over old wives tales, superstition, and confirmation bias. This can be something of a culture shock to new members who are expecting a babycenter-like attitude. Which, fair. But tbh, pretty much every other TTC board on the internet is like that. This is the one corner that isn't. TFAB is for everyone trying, but that doesn't mean it's the ideal fit for every single person. If someone is a b*by d*st thrower who thinks they can perfectly plan when they get pregnant and tells people to just relaaaaax...this probably isn't the community for them. And that's okay.
katrina2017
New member
@emanuela One thing I’ve noticed is that another possible reason that grads move on is all the rules against talking about pregnancies. I’ve never been pregnant (possibly one CP) and have a number of endocrine issues, but I don’t personally mind hearing about current and past pregnancies. I can understand that it’s painful for some though. But I still understand why grads don’t feel welcome to stick around when they can’t share what worked, or what helped them.
@katrina2017 Well the thing with that is, "sharing what worked" doesn't actually help anyone. TTC is so much luck, outside of very specific situations (undergoing TESE to obtain sperm in the case of azoospermia, for example) you really cannot contribute any one thing to getting pregnant. And at any rate, fishing for success stories isn't allowed, so it's largely a moot point. Just as we can't tell you that you're pregnant, we can't tell you how to get pregnant.
Secondly, it's actually very, very easy to participate as a grad without breaking the rules. It's just almost never relevant. For the example given above (which there was a thread about recently - a poster learning their partner had zero sperm), someone who dealt with a similar situation but graduated could talk about the testing their partner had to do, what procedures he had to undergo, her experience with IVF, etc. They just can't go "and we got a positive on 5DP5DT and I'm X weeks along!" That information doesn't matter and doesn't help.
And, I say that as a grad. I graduated almost a year and a half ago and was a grad when I was elected mod. I have PCOS, and answer questions about it, the testing I had done, and what I did to treat it frequently. It's so easy to do so without ending it with "and after Y months of doing this and that I was successful!", as how my system reacted to treatment is pure luck and not relevant info.
TL;DR: it is extremely easy to participate as a grad without breaking the rules and a not-insignificant number of people do so every day.
Secondly, it's actually very, very easy to participate as a grad without breaking the rules. It's just almost never relevant. For the example given above (which there was a thread about recently - a poster learning their partner had zero sperm), someone who dealt with a similar situation but graduated could talk about the testing their partner had to do, what procedures he had to undergo, her experience with IVF, etc. They just can't go "and we got a positive on 5DP5DT and I'm X weeks along!" That information doesn't matter and doesn't help.
And, I say that as a grad. I graduated almost a year and a half ago and was a grad when I was elected mod. I have PCOS, and answer questions about it, the testing I had done, and what I did to treat it frequently. It's so easy to do so without ending it with "and after Y months of doing this and that I was successful!", as how my system reacted to treatment is pure luck and not relevant info.
TL;DR: it is extremely easy to participate as a grad without breaking the rules and a not-insignificant number of people do so every day.
katrina2017
New member
@emanuela I’m not saying that people should throw their pregnancies in others faces like that, but I do think there are some useful situations in which sharing what worked can help. Saying that it happened after quitting smoking, loosing weight, or starting a healthier exercise regimen may be helpful. Saying that certain supplements or products helped, or quitting a high stress job helped can be useful. Saying that taking meds to regulate a cycle or induce ovulation ended up being successful is useful. I find the information on what “worked” to be useful, because without it, everything I try feels more like a shot in the dark.
Hearing other women with my condition say that “I was on X when I got pregnant and continued using it during pregnancy to reduce MC risk” is helpful, and it can guide me with what to ask my doctor about.
Again, I understand that not everyone wants to hear about pregnancies and that’s fine. I’m just sharing another view (and getting downvoted for it.)
Hearing other women with my condition say that “I was on X when I got pregnant and continued using it during pregnancy to reduce MC risk” is helpful, and it can guide me with what to ask my doctor about.
Again, I understand that not everyone wants to hear about pregnancies and that’s fine. I’m just sharing another view (and getting downvoted for it.)
exinanition
New member
@katrina2017 This type of information is frequently included in the BFP threads. I’ve found most graduated to be helpful if you see their post and ask them a question.
katrina2017
New member
@exinanition I do read those threads regularly, and find them to be a very useful part of this sub. It's nice that they're contained in one easy-to-find place like that.
@katrina2017 Consider, too, that for as all-consuming as TTC is for many of us... pregnancy is apparently the same way. And there's a lot more to learn about that, and think about in relation to pregnancy... it's harder to WANT to stick around to offer the same advice over and over when you've got something much more pressing on your mind (and on your bladder, or so I hear).
And, as /@emanuela said - in most cases it's really hard to pinpoint what worked outside of those specific situations. Mr. Dessert and I will theoretically know what led to our success (because, well, IVF), but in most situations that's not really possible.
And, as /@emanuela said - in most cases it's really hard to pinpoint what worked outside of those specific situations. Mr. Dessert and I will theoretically know what led to our success (because, well, IVF), but in most situations that's not really possible.
