Is what I am doing when I am sick wrong? My wife seems to think so

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disguisedlamb

New member
So I am a sahp to our 2 year old son. A few weeks ago I was so sick that I fealt like I might pass out if I pushed myself even a little bit to contain so I went to his play room with him and let him watch Bluey while I rested. (I want it noted that normally I would never give him more than an hour max of screen time.) so I stayed there most of the day with him. I changed his diapers when he needed it and I made his lunch and I put him down for his nap. I was not neglecting him in anyway. Anyway my wife gets home from work and is livid I have him so much screen time.
 
@disguisedlamb That’s exactly what I would have done (and have done) when sick.

When I had horrible morning sickness I basically laid on the couch for 3 months. My children played way too many video games, watched too many movies…. They’re fine (that I’m aware of lol).

In that case she would need to stay at home to cover your sick day. If she wants things to be handled a certain way while you are sick I mean. Does she not ever need a sick day from her job?
 
@forgiven_ent Honestly I don’t remember her ever taking a sick day. When she gets sick she says it is better for her to keep up with work than fall behind. She wants to be an executive at her company and I think she thinks that since she took off time for maturity leave 2 years ago she is worried that the men in higher positions will pass over her because they are worried she won’t be around.
 
@disguisedlamb I have a spouse who very rarely gets sick and doesn’t get too sick to get out of bed/stand, he struggles to empathize with the feeling of ‘might pass out if I push myself.’ That’s a deep conversation you’ll need to have and really explain it. For me that usually means standing up makes me feel lightheaded, my stomach gets nauseous, my knees feel weak like I might fall over… everything in me is screaming to sit/lie down. And ‘pushing through it’ seems to work amazing for my spouse but if I do that it takes me 3X longer to recover.

Then talk about what you’re supposed to do when you feel that way. All I can do when horizontal is screen time or chasing toddler with remote control car. And honestly if my toddler is sitting watching a whole show I’m worrying they are getting sick too.
 
@bharati21 My spouse also never got badly sick, although he was always understanding when I was. Then our oldest started preschool and the onslaught of disease wiped us all out on the regular.

It’s not everyday life, OP. Parenting while sick is survival mode. As long as everyone is safe, do what you gotta do.
 
@forgiven_ent 100% if you were hired help then this is what would happen. next time you are that sick, tell her you are taking the day off and she needs to cover. treat your job as A SAHP just like you would any other job. i didn’t do this at first and sorely regret it.
 
@disguisedlamb Screen time rules go straight out the window when the SAHP is sick, as long as the kids are safe and loved then you do what you've gotta do to rest and get yourself feeling better.
 
@mirbaki This is how we run our household generally. When I was pregnant with our second, the fatigue hit me so hard during the first trimester I relied on using the tablet quite a bit. I try to keep it to the educational games but sometimes I didn't care and she could just watch her YouTube kids app (which I have restrictions placed on there).

Currently our household got hit with a stomach bug or something and my husband stayed home from work (which he like never does) after he got it from our toddler and then I caught it so he's working from home so he can help watch the kids while I rest. Sometimes you just gotta do what you can to survive.
 
@mirbaki I remember both my husband and I were so sick when our now 12 year old was barely 2. We sat her between us and let her watch so many episodes of Sesame Street and the animated Cinderella movie while we took turns napping.
It was all fine, except the theme from Elmo’s World still goes around and around in my brain.
 
@disguisedlamb I've done that! We're human, we get sick, but unfortunately we don't get sick days like paid jobs do.

Just last week I threw my back out and was glued to the couch with a heat pad. We watched movies and played from the couch.

Your wife needs to take the day off if you're sick, then, if she doesn't like the way you handled it.
 
@jppeace Omg. I took my son to the park 2 days ago and he slipped off a balance beam from about 3 feel in the air and I caught him .so he didnt split the pole..(70 lbs) and now I can't stand up straight 😅 this is so terrible. I'm glad he's in school 8 hours a day or I would be in trouble.
 
@disguisedlamb Wtf else does she expect you to do? Run yourself ragged, thereby making yourself sicker for longer? Tell her to go fuck herself, and next time she can stay home and look after the kid if it bothers her so much.
 
@katrina2017 Imagine trying to be the one imposing the rules. . . when you're NOT the stay at home parent 😂 It's like, my husband leaves me home with our kids because he TRUSTS me, obviously, or we wouldn't be married/having children. So if he came home (where I'VE been parenting, solo, ALL DAY) and was like, "wtf, you watched ____ amount of TV today?!" I'd stick my middle finger so close to his face, he'd go cross-eyed.

OP, my reply would be, "You're not the primary parent. You're not with them all day. So you don't get to micromanage me. If you want it done a certain way, YOU stay home and do it."
 
@disguisedlamb We all just had Covid and our 18m old watched so much TV. It was the only way we got any rest especially once toddler felt better much faster than we did. I honestly don’t think she gets a say here… like either she takes a day off and helps so you can rest or she leaves you home sick alone to handle it however you need to.
 
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