I’m going to do the best I can to give as much supporting information about my situation as possible.
My son is 2.5 years old. His communication and vocabulary isn’t very good but it is improving. We are peaking terrible two status. Myself, 34 female has a ex fiancée in prison. We are no longer together because he was emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically abusive in front of our son. He has thrown a vacuum across the living room, kicked a garbage can at me, punched holes in walls and punched/broke a door while my son stood on the other side of it. Before we had my son he would break several tvs at least one every 6 months.
My ex fiancée was convicted of a non violent crime. He was dealing hard drugs (despite telling me he’d never do that) and had ilegal guns. He was sentenced to 4 years in a federal camp. Before he left he was very much in his son’s life. We lived together & despite me breaking up with him I didn’t move out of the house because it wasn’t possible financially & I did not want to take his son away from him right before he was about to leave for 3-4 years. Because of this decision I continued to tolerate a lot of abuse. And I feel guilty about staying because I’ve subjected my son to his volatile behavior knowing how unstable my ex was at any given moment. My ex was also cheating on me and I didn’t find out until recently. Which explained all of the volatile behavior before I broke up with him.
On that note, I am filing for full custody. I don’t want to keep my son and his father apart but I also don’t think my son is at the age where he can comprehend or understand the visitation situation. He cannot communicate his feelings. He does not have a large vocabulary. He barely says two words together. He is just not ready for the intense, confusing and awkward interactions that this type of visitation environment creates (prison). I am very much aware of all negative and positive impacts of an incarcerated parent in prison. But my son is 2.5 years old. I am just not willing to risk my son’s health and behavior at such a young age. Once the communication is at a level to where he can express thoughts and emotions behind his behavior then I’m absolutely willing to but for now I just don’t have a good gut feeling about this.
My ex fiancée’s parents are pressuring me into allowing them to take my son to see him. It’s a 2.5 hour car ride to the prison. I want to have a good relationship with his parents but I cannot emotionally connect with them because of some past instances where they’ve displayed some of the same volatile behavior my ex has. While speaking to my ex fiancée’s mother, I brought up the fact that her son was physically abusive. She turned around and said “don’t act like you’re so innocent in this situation & it takes two”. She also asked me “ if it was so bad why didn’t you call the cops”
This woman This isn’t the first time she pulled the victim blaming card on me. They both have enabled their son his whole life. They aren’t bad ppl. They just have their own issues and wounds that they’ll never take accountability for.
I know my gut feeling is valid but I’d really like to reach out to a child psychologist or someone who has ample knowledge and experience regarding childhood development. Particularly surrounding incarcerated parents and the impact it has on a 2.5 year old.
I’ve read enough research to support my gut feeling but I also don’t want to fuck up my kid by not allowing him to see his daddy in prison. When is an ideal age to start visitation? Ideally, I’d like to start visitation around 4-5 years of age because my son will have the cognitive development to support a healthy process from prepping for the visit and post visit conversations about the visit.
Can someone with credentials please shine some light on this difficult decision?
My son is 2.5 years old. His communication and vocabulary isn’t very good but it is improving. We are peaking terrible two status. Myself, 34 female has a ex fiancée in prison. We are no longer together because he was emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically abusive in front of our son. He has thrown a vacuum across the living room, kicked a garbage can at me, punched holes in walls and punched/broke a door while my son stood on the other side of it. Before we had my son he would break several tvs at least one every 6 months.
My ex fiancée was convicted of a non violent crime. He was dealing hard drugs (despite telling me he’d never do that) and had ilegal guns. He was sentenced to 4 years in a federal camp. Before he left he was very much in his son’s life. We lived together & despite me breaking up with him I didn’t move out of the house because it wasn’t possible financially & I did not want to take his son away from him right before he was about to leave for 3-4 years. Because of this decision I continued to tolerate a lot of abuse. And I feel guilty about staying because I’ve subjected my son to his volatile behavior knowing how unstable my ex was at any given moment. My ex was also cheating on me and I didn’t find out until recently. Which explained all of the volatile behavior before I broke up with him.
On that note, I am filing for full custody. I don’t want to keep my son and his father apart but I also don’t think my son is at the age where he can comprehend or understand the visitation situation. He cannot communicate his feelings. He does not have a large vocabulary. He barely says two words together. He is just not ready for the intense, confusing and awkward interactions that this type of visitation environment creates (prison). I am very much aware of all negative and positive impacts of an incarcerated parent in prison. But my son is 2.5 years old. I am just not willing to risk my son’s health and behavior at such a young age. Once the communication is at a level to where he can express thoughts and emotions behind his behavior then I’m absolutely willing to but for now I just don’t have a good gut feeling about this.
My ex fiancée’s parents are pressuring me into allowing them to take my son to see him. It’s a 2.5 hour car ride to the prison. I want to have a good relationship with his parents but I cannot emotionally connect with them because of some past instances where they’ve displayed some of the same volatile behavior my ex has. While speaking to my ex fiancée’s mother, I brought up the fact that her son was physically abusive. She turned around and said “don’t act like you’re so innocent in this situation & it takes two”. She also asked me “ if it was so bad why didn’t you call the cops”
This woman This isn’t the first time she pulled the victim blaming card on me. They both have enabled their son his whole life. They aren’t bad ppl. They just have their own issues and wounds that they’ll never take accountability for. I know my gut feeling is valid but I’d really like to reach out to a child psychologist or someone who has ample knowledge and experience regarding childhood development. Particularly surrounding incarcerated parents and the impact it has on a 2.5 year old.
I’ve read enough research to support my gut feeling but I also don’t want to fuck up my kid by not allowing him to see his daddy in prison. When is an ideal age to start visitation? Ideally, I’d like to start visitation around 4-5 years of age because my son will have the cognitive development to support a healthy process from prepping for the visit and post visit conversations about the visit.
Can someone with credentials please shine some light on this difficult decision?