@robertnethromik Definitely not! I gave birth in a Northern California hospital staffed primarily by midwives, and they had no fear of deploying a variety of medical interventions if needed or requested.
(However, I was one of those loonies who wanted to do it sans epidural... But the decision was kind of made for me, because I was 9cm by the time we arrived at the hospital, so it was too late even if I had wanted one.)
@jeepdude Midwife is not a protected term in many states and anyone can call themselves a midwife. So maybe do a little more research before responding to a 6 month old comment.
@robertnethromik In many states in the US, a midwife is a legal term. Where I live (Michigan), a midwife must have at least a masters in nursing with additional training.
@robertnethromik There is a license for Nurse Midwives in the U.S., or at least, in NY. Certified Nurse Midwife. It's similar level to a Nurse Practitioner. Can have their own practice, even. Some states may not regulate it as much but we do here. Thankfully.
@pablo628 I'm sorry her piece brought up painful memories for you! I know it was a "long story short" but I really wish she'd had a little more time to go into the complexities of it. It really feels like we never hear anything but the most extreme versions of what happened during childbirth!
I totally agreed with her about the ridiculous bills though - I got charged for three days in the hospital nursery, even though it was closed due to COVID! And when I questioned it, I was told everyone is charged that whether they make use of the services or not! Like, wtf???
@pablo628 I knew I was OAD when I was pregnant and people kept telling me “You’ll forget how hard labor was and you’ll have more kids.” My kid is five. I still fucking remember.
I’m sorry you’re having a rough night. You have lots of people who feel similarly.
@gailitis Yesss! I honestly think everyone telling me “oh you’ll forget” made me internalize and remember it even more, like nope this was awful and I’m going to remember every f’ing second of it, I don’t want to forget this because I don’t want to do it ever again
@gailitis I was pretty sure I was always going to have, at most, an only, and my labor and delivery were so easy that the nurses all said “See you in a couple years!” when we left and it just made me want to gag. It felt like my insides were outsides, and I have no desire to experience that again. And mine was “easy”!!!
@rdenn14 EVERY LAST PERSON in my L&D team joked that they'd see me in a couple of years because yes, I had a fairly quick, uncomplicated birth. And I kept smiling since I genuinely liked all of them and didn't want to be an ass. But I had an "easy" birth and it still sucked and I've made a point to remind myself of this constantly.
@gailitis My MIL said that to my pregnant SIL in front of me. She said the pain is bearable and once the baby is out, you forget all about it. She had five kids. All very simple births.
I couldn’t help myself but say something. I just said ‘That’s great that it was like that for you! Personally, I will never be able to forget’ (I have PTSD from my five day induction, unmedicated induced contractions, ventouse and episiotomy and epidural and birth injury (yay rectocele still) and then the first two weeks of my kid’s life being hospitalised for starvation because of all the midwives who gaslit and ignored me when I told them again and again I wasn’t making any milk while my son starved nearly to brain damage.
Fucking hate when people assume birth is just a minor temporary inconvenience for everyone.
@gailitis Yuuup my kid is 3+, labour was probably pretty smooth considering, i didn’t have any major plans so no major disappointments but yet i still hated pushing, felt like i was dying from a lack of air, disappointing people for not pushing properly and have zero desire to do it again.
@natalijaasbj I don't think it's necessarily bashing people about c-section or hospital births in general. But having read on a lot of parenting subs and done research before I had my own, it seems the world doesn't have time for women to have babies and that a lot of complication can come from not letting things go their course.
I was almost induced because my baby measured big. Sure enough he's beyond 99th percentile on length when born, but his weight is absolutely normal (9lb 1oz on his 59cm body). And I was grateful to be in hospital as I'd likely died too from loss of blood, but I'm glad i didn't have intervention beyond that as I gave birth on his due date.
I hope I make it obvious I fully support hospital birth. But not letting mum have the surroundings and support to give birth in a stress free way is the issue at the core of this, not that we have medical intervention that saves people. This is systemic in a lot of countries, particularly the US where you guys don't get enough time off before birth and can't be flexible and almost need to arrange for the baby to come nor is there time after. That extra stress is probably not healthy either.
@pablo628 I don't want to disagree or argue as everyone's experience is their experience and that is theirs. What I can say is that I am very grateful for my medicalized birth because it saved both our lives. I gave birth in a very lovely hospital with a very intelligent and caring doctor that I loved. I had a very easy and healthy pregnancy, didn't even get nauseous, but when the birth came my doctor and the wonderful nursing staff recognized that I was in medical trouble and performed an emergency C-section that was as un-traumatic as they could make it. I had a beautiful baby girl but within an hour she went into distress and then again about 24 hours after that. They called a code, got her breathing, then took us to the NicU and saved her. She is a brilliant 5 year old today. I am so glad I chose that hospital because my highly trained doctor worked there and because it has the best NicU in the region. Turns out we needed it. I am happy for people to have the kind of birth that they want, but I do think looking down at birth in a medical setting is totally forgetting that many births through history resulted in death, that giving birth can be very difficult, and that there is nothing unnatural about having a c-section or any other type of intervention that saves your life. Obstetrics is as natural as anything else, they are just using experience and knowledge to save lives. I had an all female medical team, I had wonderful care, and I have a baby that I am so grateful for. I also survived when we would have both absolutely died if we'd not had that fantastic medical care. Thank you medical science!
@angelinadaniel This is not directed toward OP more a general commentary on what I’m seeing these days. I really, really do not get the whole emphasis on the birth experience. It truly sets people up for absolute failure and can actually be a source of birth trauma. Birth is unpredictable and no two births will be the same (even pregnancy to pregnancy) so to set the bar not necessarily even so high but so specifically in how you want your birth to go seems very dangerous. It’s causing people to attempt free births, forego medical care, find only sources that will validate them despite best practice, etc. Births can be beautiful and they can also go very wrong very quickly. I was extremely uncomfortable in my planned c section, they had to knock me out essentially after my daughter was born. It’s traumatic because I wouldn’t ever want to go through that again AND I have a chronic illness from birth and postpartum AND I still don’t get the emphasis on the experience. My two great grandmas must be spinning in their graves at this whole free birth movement because they both died either in childbirth or shortly after delivery and both lost children in the process as well in the 1920s in rural Ireland while home birthing.
Anyway, I’m in the same boat with you and I’m not trying to dismiss OP or anyone else.
