@sam77 Skimmed through some of the comments here and wanted to share my thoughts.
First of all, the clothing thing seems like an overreaction. I mean it's 100% your choice to say "no clothing gifts," but I think cutting someone off for messing up once (and right after the cutoff point if it's no clothing after 1 and she's 13 months) is just overkill. When my kid was a toddler, we told everyone not to buy more than 1 toy each at Christmas because we had received SO MANY toys the year before. My MIL did not stick to this, but we didn't cut her out of our life. We did start setting more boundaries like leaving extra toys at her house instead of taking them home, and reiterated to her that we didn't have space for all of this. Anyways, it sounds like the gift from your mom was a nice, thoughtful item (just one handmade piece). If you like it, I'd accept it and then maybe explain your rules to her again and say that
next time, you won't be keeping clothing gifts. Or tell her to ask you before purchasing clothes, etc.
My point here is that there are tons of healthier, less extreme ways to uphold your rule and set boundaries other than cutting her out of your life.
As for allowing her to babysit or help you out, I think your husband is getting too much say in this decision right now. It is
your mom and
you are the one that needs her help. Maybe you all can take baby steps and not let her babysit alone if you're uncomfortable with it, but why not have her watch baby while you're still at home? You could use that opportunity to clean or take a nice bath or whatever lol. You'd still be close enough to oversee your mom, but still get some help from her.
You're a SAHM who seems to feel a bit overwhelmed. Your husband is out of town for a week every month or so, leaving you alone with a baby. It's entirely normal and reasonable to want some help under those circumstances. If your husband won't allow your mom to help (which he shouldn't be able to dictate anyway), then he
needs to offer you some other help. Hire a cleaner, a nanny, whatever for when he's out of town. And he'd
better be giving you breaks when he is around, too.
Overall, I agree with other comments here that this sounds unhealthy and possibly abusive. Isolating you from your own support network is controlling and a common tactic of abusers. At best, he just really dislikes your mom and is still being overly controlling about it. He doesn't get to cut people (especially your parents) out of
your life. That's not his choice to make, period. You say that he doesn't like people in general, fine. My husband is the same way, he's just very introverted and prefers to have a very small social circle. But he does not tell me who I can or cannot speak to or spend time with. Just as you may need to set and enforce boundaries with your mom, you also need to set and enforce boundaries with your husband. Tell him that your mom is an important person in your life and you
want to keep her in your life. He does not have to like her, but you are going to continue to see your mother. Tell him that you are struggling as a SAHM and you
need help. Either he can accept that your mom will be around to help, or he needs to help you find (and possibly pay for) someone else. Don't let him tell you that you don't need any help- you're not asking for his opinion on this. Especially since you're alone for whole weeks at a time and I'm sure your husband isn't working 24/7 with no breaks. You shouldn't be expected to do that, either.