vicolehurroughs
New member
So just a back story for context. I am 23 f and my ex 24 m , we have two daughters together. V. Which is turning 6 and R. That is turning 3. He is an independent contractor , so he works for himself , he doesn’t answer to a “boss” or “manager”. When we first split we had always argued because I was never able to get a stable job due to him never coming back at a reasonable time. He leaves for work from 6am -8am , on a good day come back 5 pm, other than that ( if I don’t ask him when he’s coming back) it would be 6pm-8pm. Everyday, including weekends. I get that is a normal 12 hour shift for some people, I used to work 12 hour shifts, but he has the option and the freedom to come back sooner. I had tried to get a job but from him always being back late I would quit because I never was able to get there in time. It got to the point I had to work for Uber, doordash etc. just so I can work on my own schedule. Even then he’d get back when ever and god forbid if I wasn’t back in time so he can work. It was like that up in till I moved out. I had my daughters mon-fri every week. He had weekends. I had asked him if he wanted to do half days of work on Monday or Friday just so he can see them more and he had saiid the weekend was fine. Through the time I was out I asked him if he wanted more days and it always stayed to weekend. Sometimes he would take the weekend to work. I kept my composure and just stopped caring. But after not being able to work and personal issues with my new husband, we lost our apartment and he let us live with him. We were grateful for that so I wasn’t on his ass about being back to spend time with his girls. But after so long V. started to ask “where’s daddy” once a day to constantly every day. It got to the point where she’d see a white truck ( he has a white truck) and say “ daddy?” It honestly hurt me because I had constantly asked him to come back at a reasonable time for Her at this point. He has said countless time that he hates coming back and they are asleep or they’re getting ready for sleep. ( my kids are on a strict time schedule everyday since they were little little). I’ve told him to leave at 6-7am and just do 8 hours so he can be with the girls. He would do that for maybe a week then would go back to old ways. Recently he had to constantly work because one of his clients gave him a loan that he was paying back through “free” work. So I didn’t ask during that time because I understand why he’s staying so late ( til 10 pm sometimes). Once he told me he technically paid her off , he said he’d come back at a normal time , but of course that never happened. V. Had just wanted her daddy so bad , it got to the point when she asked me ”where’s daddy” and I say at work, she would get mad, hit me , and tell me to get out. At that point I had a sit down talk with him because this was getting out Of hand. He said starting Monday ( 2 weeks ago) he’d come back around 2-3 pm. Not even one day passed that he has done that. I’m now moving out on the 15th and I don’t know if I should even be asking him about it anymore. Since I know all he’ll do is take the weekends again. I want to protect my daughter from heart break but she wants her daddy. R. Doesn’t mind when he comes and goes because she was 3 months when my husband came into the picture and he always treated them as his own. V. Acts this way cause she knows who her daddy is. Now here is a twist. My ex has a girlfriend that lives in another state and that is coming to move here in June, maybe may. He has clearly shown he put her first in a couple situations over his kids. I didn’t get involved until it got to the point all he’d do is be on the phone with her late, not watching his kids, fall asleep on the phone, then my worse fear happened. During this time of him being obsessed with constantly talking to her, V. Walked out the apartment at 12 am and a neighbor found her and called the police. The police had to bang on the door to wake him up. When I leave she would cry and try to follow me. I slept in the living room and at night I seen her look for me. I believe that night she tried looking for me. When I move out I know he’ll take weekends, but I’m scared that just because she moves here he is going to ask for more days. I don’t want to do that because I know he’ll not be here to actually be with the girls. It’ll just be her watching them till god knows when he’ll get back. if he does then it wouldn’t be known if he’s back cause She’s there now or actually for the girls. It would be messed up that he would be back coincidentally right when the girlfriend is there but not when his daughter would be crying for him. I need help or advice please. I want him to be in their lives but I don’t want them getting pushed to the side.