I struggle when hearing friends talk about sleep training..

[laulee]

@hbwink Babies can’t vocalize so we tend to not take them seriously but I truly believe this is a form of torture to a little one

 

[michaelmoreau]

@laulee Agreed! We are basically continuing a loop of flight/fight for them.

 

[dsecretrio]

@hbwink I let my baby cry in his crib for 10 minutes once and I SOBBED on the other side of the door and took the crib apart same day. And he was like 8 months old at that point.

Right now he is sleeping soundly in my floor bed after nursing to sleep with no tears and quite a few giggles while I have a glass of wine in the living room and watch a show. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[hisglory00]

@hbwink It is heartbreaking.
It makes sense if People are doing it because of their individual needs makes cosleeping detrimental to both parents and kids health. Like night shifts at work, multiple kids, health issues.

But letting a baby cry alone in a closed room is torture and inhumane. And the system convincing general public that this is the right way is crazy. Stay out of my bedroom.

 

[katrina2017]

@hisglory00 I’m using your comment as a launchpad for another thought, but it’s more a question for everyone and not you specifically.

Would describing it as ‘torture’ be based on the intention of the parent, or is it the effect on the child that makes it torture?

There was a sad story posted on the pregnancy forum I’m part of…In Summary: mom puts baby down for a nap in the nursery and closes the door. She takes the baby monitor and lays down for a quick nap in the master bedroom at the end of the hall. She wakes up after an amazing nap and is surprised to see 3 hours have passed because the baby usually sleeps 1-2 hours. She looks at the monitor but the baby still appears to be sleeping. But then she thinks she hears something. As she walks towards the nursery she can hear crying. Turns out the audio on the monitor broke and she has no idea how long the baby has been crying but long enough to soak the crib sheet…

Did that mom torture the baby? No, of course not. It was an accident. But, did that baby go through a different experience than one who is being sleep trained? Personally, I don’t think so..

 

[katrina2017]

@mastergaithe TBH knowing that many babies have to be “re-trained” is a huge factor in why I won’t be doing it. Doesn’t work as well as I’d need it to for putting the baby AND myself through the stress

 

[katrina2017]

Agreed. I use to think it was the way. Until my friends who did it before me all had toddlers who were horrible horrible sleepers. Hearing them talk about locking a screaming toddler in a room was too much for me.

 

[dhen]

@katrina2017 I think of it as being torturous for the parents to have to hear their baby cry like that and not do anything about it. That would be torture for me. I would only do it if I absolutely had to try in order to get more sleep for my mental sanity. I don’t think any parent is intentionally “torturing their child” but moreso the sleep training industry has done an excellent job convincing parents that babies should sleep through the night and that training is the way to do it. So people torture themselves (and of course their baby), thinking it’s the only way and due to unrealistic expectations.

 

[lovebiotic]

@hbwink I’m just so thankful to have this space with like minded parents and guardians! All of my friends think my husband and I are crazy for this choice that we have made, but my heart soars hearing my husband talk about how much he loves our snuggles with our little guy! And it’s allowed me to continue BF-ing for way longer than I ever thought I would be able to! We love sharing this awesome option for families with babies on the way but it’s definitely not for everyone and lots of people have judged us for our choice… at the end of the day, everyone can make their own informed decision, but personally… I think we have made the best one lol, just kidding! But it’s definitely been the best decision for our family, personally.

 

[hbwink]

@lovebiotic Agreed, we just hit a year breastfeeding. I wish people told me from the beginning that babies are wired to be held and comforted, instead it felt like we were doing something weird by contact napping and cosleeping.

 

[lovebiotic]

@hbwink Honestly, heysleepybaby on Instagram completely changed my POV. And I am SO GLAD that I found her so early on in my little babe’s life, because I was losing my mind. When you realize that your baby wanting to be held 24/7 is COMPLETELY normal and it is good for them, it’s a total game changer! Then you can deal with it better and our quality of life drastically improved!

 

[hbwink]

@lovebiotic Agreed! She is so helpful.

 

[chose]

@lovebiotic Everyone is SO JUDGEY about choosing not to sleep train!! It makes me feel like I’m crazy.

 

[katrina2017]

@hbwink I agree and thinking about it gives me this heavy feeling in my chest… like oh my gosh i feel so so so sad and hurt for those babies. I kinda have a feeling that the reason sleep train people are so judgmental and harsh towards cosleeping is because they know deep down its wrong and project that feeling.

 

[dhen]

@katrina2017 Yes! I agree. Everyone who does it wants to feel better about doing something that FEELS wrong so they feel better if “everyone” does it with them and they feel worse when they hear that there are real life people out there choosing a different way.

 

[katrina2017]

@hbwink I try to stay out of the conversation. The majority people who have sleep trained successfully have some fairly strong views on how co sleeping is ruining my baby. So I just avoid the topic or tune out.

I think their way is barbaric and they think mine is just being a push over. We silently agree to disagree.

 

[coleenv]

@hbwink I know with my first, our pediatrician recommended the CIO method. She cried for 4 hours straight. Never again. She is now 4 and sleeps through the night in her own room. Our second is 2 and is a bad sleeper too but I refuse to let my kid scream like that for hours.

 

[myles0]

@hbwink doesn't bother me too much bc there are kids in so much worse circumstances. usually the sleep training stories are from loving parents who are doing their best. meanwhile there are kids being abused and neglected. so i guess this is a pessimistic outlook but i don't worry at all about kids who are well loved and taken care of. then again i have also let my own kids cry a bit in the name of independent sleep. not for hours though. i do think there is a line where sleep training can get way too harsh and i wouldn't let my kids cry for prolonged periods of time, but also, i don't worry about what others do.

 

[michaelmoreau]

@hbwink Same! It kills me to hear anyone talk about it.

 

[aeoril]

@hbwink My mom told me that I'll need to get him sleeping alone by setting up a chair in his bedroom and just sitting there while he cries and slowly moving the chair out of the room. So basically stonewalling my child when he needs me, and teaching him that his needs and cries don't matter because while he's upset I'll just sit there without comforting him.

Which means she sleep trained me and my heart just breaks for my baby self, and honestly it explains why sometimes I don't know what my needs are and the fear of abandonment I struggled with before. Sleep training can have long lasting detrimental effects seen well beyond childhood.