@agapeos1080 I’m the stepparent (girlfriend) of my SO’s son. We’ve been together 4.5 years. I’ve also been in the position where my ex-husband added his girlfriend (i.e., woman he cheated on me with) on the pickup list for school. Man, that irked me. I had the school take her off the first year. He never had her go get the kids anyway, nor did she do any other pick-ups and drop-offs of any sort. It was stupid to me. The next year I noticed her added again. I toggled the pick-up list where she was dead-last, below me, my ex, my brother, and ex’s mom. After that, I just stopped giving a shit about it as much. I hated seeing her name, but it was mostly tied up in my own resentment about my marriage, which was obviously long-since over by that point.
After my current SO came into the picture, I noticed some pretty serious discipline issues between my SO and his son. His son is mainstreamed, but is ASD and has some pretty annoying and repetitive behaviors. For example, he would (and still does really) pester and pester and pester until he gets his way. He is single minded and it’s extremely difficult to get him to take no for an answer. My SO can tend to be a lazy parent, and his lack of control over stepson was affecting my kids and they were starting to lose their minds. For example. SS would pester my daughter ALL DAY to play with him. If she said no, she’s doing homework/has a zoom call with teachers/she’ll play with him later, he’d ask again in 3 minutes, sit outside her door, walk in on her without knocking, and ask again, rinse and repeat, ALL. DAY. LONG. He’d do the same with my son. If I was at work, or if I let my SO handle his son even when I was home, he’d ignore it, maybe say “stop asking them” a time or two and allow him to pester. I basically demanded my SO use time outs. Step up and be a parent. This behavior is not acceptable. Maybe your ex is a lazy parent and GF had to advocate for behavior change, and though I’m assuming time-out infractions are minor compared to my above example, maybe just let it go, which is sounds like you have.
In the area of emergency numbers, it’s GOOD that your child has them in her backpack. Swap out the list for one with your number at the top, or label the correct order. This way, say if your daughter is separated from you for any reason, she can give it to a police officer, or to whomever the number to contact you. My SS is 11, nearly 12, and I had to teach him how to dial a phone this past summer. His mom just programs in numbers in a track phone that he never ever has with him. I made SS learn all of our numbers and addresses. He recited emergency contact info to me every day in exchange for iPad time. I had the list in my handwriting on the back of his phone. (I was sensitive and put my name last though.) He fought me on learning them, but I wouldn’t budge. Every kid needs to learn parents numbers for emergencies. Conversations went like this: What happens if you get separated from us in a summer nights crowd?(an event we sometimes attend) I won’t. But what if you did? I won’t. It happens to kids all the time, so what if you did? I’d call you. With what phone? With my phone. But you never bring your phone with you, so whose phone would you use? Someone else’s. How would you call us? I’d just call you. But you don’t know our numbers, and a stranger definitely won’t know our numbers either, so how would you call us? I’d just call. How? By learning your numbers. Bingo!
Let your daughter have emergency contact info. Tell her where to find it in case she needs it. If girlfriend’s handwriting bothers you, or you want your name at the top of the list, write it neatly on a new index card, throw away the old list, and move on. Coparenting is hard enough without getting bent out of shape about things like this. At least Girlfriend talks to you. My ex husband is married to affair partner now. It’s been years, and I still have never had a conversation with her. At least I have a working relationship with SS’s mom.
As far as the text about your mom, just ignore it. Don’t even respond. Most people will get the hint from radio silence that it wasn’t the best choice to ask in the first place.
I like the idea of having one for her when we go out though! So thank you for that suggestion
That's his job. Don't get into any conversation about what she wants, just stick to what the kid needs as the focus point and anything outside of that is not your responsibility to mentally worry about.
I do appreciate the feedback on this post and I feel similarly to you. I don’t feel the need to engage with her and I truthfully don’t know why she feels the need to air her grievances out with me. It’s clear she has some type of issue with the way things run at my house and I could care less about that because I don’t interfere at their house and have no intention to. I just want the same respect I am giving.