I dont know if this is too intense for this sub but my 13 year old just chased me around our home threatening me with a metal tennis racket

woodthrush42

New member
It´s 2:00 in the morning here. I have a hospital stay tomorrow and needed to sleep. He is on a really bad schedule due to school holidays and kept busting in my room, banging on my door, putting things between the door and laughing. I calmly warned him once or twice he needed to stop or there would be consequences. Then yes I raised my voice and started trying to hold the door closed in the hopes he´d tire out and let me get some sleep. It made it worse. I went in his room and took his phone and told him he´d get it back it tomorrow once ive gotten some sleep. This was when he picked him the tennis racket. He was swinging in his defence just close enough to scare me but not hit me. He also banged it against walls doors and smashed a few items. Woke his little sister up terrified. C was diagnosed with Adhd in third grade I always suspected something more but got him in with first with a special ed school. Turns out he is actually exceptionally bright so that didnt work well. He was able to do three months at a psychiatric day clinic where he was medicated and they tested for autism, found alot traits but felt he was "too social. He got in with a therapist for a year but not much came of that as according to his words " he just told her what he thought she wanted to hear". Prior to this a residential facility was proposed and that was and still is one of his worst fears. Things stabilised a bit until he started saying weird things like his stepdad who had lived was us for 5 years was physically abusive. I believed him and kicked him out but stuff really started to crumble and this was when he first started showing some really concerning things. Every evening basically provoking and torturing me and his little sister till our wits end. The throwing heavy objects started and alot of verbal abuse. My mental health deteriorated to the point I had to spend time in an inpatient clinic ( I do have pretty bad CPTSD from a severely abusive childhood though) He had to go live in a group home. We live in Germany though where these places are quite nice but his behaviour escalated there too and they ended up saying he needed more psychiatric help and sending him home. We´ve been on a waiting list now with the psychiatric clinic here for another outpatient program. We were going to leave for a trip back to his child home in CA in two weeks. In his defence. He hasnt had it easy he was separated from me as a baby due to my mental health and DCFS being just.....hard. I got him back though. I´ve had two failed longterm relationships. He had to move across the world and learn a new language. I made mistakes. I was a traumatized 20 year old when I had him but we have soooo many resources here. He just started at a private Montossori high school where he is on a straight path to graduate early. I dont want to give up on him but I´m afraid the years of advocating of trying the unconditional love and acceptance route has backfired. He verbally abuses me, calls me a whore all the time, his sister doesnt even want to be home when he is anymore and she is 7, bouncing around between my parents, my sister and home when I think I can keep things calm. But tonight broke something in me. I was really afraid of him. I am willing to go to family therapy, continuing finding resources but Ive been doing that for 4 years. At what point do i put the health and safety of his sister and myself first. When do you know when you just cant do anything more to help your child
 
@woodthrush42 You need to have him removed from the home. For everyone’s well being and safety. He needs intensive inpatient treatment. It will allow you all to heal and put boundaries in place. Your daughter needs to be your focus.
 
@woodthrush42 Just went through this same situation with my 15 year old. He had been threatening punching holes in the walls, kicking down our doors while we called 911 (multiple times) and he had physically abused us. He was “too violent” for intensive inpatient and not violent enough for juvie. We thought he was on steroids for a while because of the rage- but the urine was clear. After ANOTHER stay at regular inpatient psych, he was diagnosed bipolar and was in a manic state. They don’t diagnose teenagers that often. But now he is back to calm which I haven’t seen in years! Need to find the right doctor. Good luck.
 
@woodthrush42 This sounds like such a complex and difficult issue for everyone involved. I hope that while you have been seeking assistance for him, you have also been getting help for yourself.

I don’t know that there is one right answer here. It definitely sounds like he needs more help than you can provide. I don’t think that has to mean you need to be done with him forever. Talk to the community services that can help him, including DCFS. What are their thoughts? At the very least, they should be able to help you come up with a safety plan in your own home.

Poor kid. This type of dysregulation and being so mentally unhealthy must feel awful for him. I hope that you are all able to find what you need.
 
@woodthrush42 This sounds so much like what I have heard of autism with the PDD presentation. Some people have had great success lowering aggression with ways with changing diet (eliminating gluten, dairy, food dyes, etc), limiting screen time, increasing physical activity, using nrf2 supplements, tips and tricks explained in the book "The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene", teaching them how to regulate their nervous system with ways such as Qigong, pharmaceuticals (antipsychotics, antiepileptics & antihypertensives)... I can't think of the other things right now but these I've heard success stories about personally. If you read about PDD and it resonates with your experience it may be helpful to keep a list of reasons why you believe it fits your son then you are prepared to discuss with your doctor. It's hard to think on the spot, come up with examples, etc and the appointment times are usually limited so coming prepared will help everyone involved.

My heart goes out to you and your family during this time, there is hope. This is a challenging learning curve right now to figure out the solution for your family, your tough past has prepared you for this fight. Remember your inner lion/ strength.
 
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