woodthrush42
New member
It´s 2:00 in the morning here. I have a hospital stay tomorrow and needed to sleep. He is on a really bad schedule due to school holidays and kept busting in my room, banging on my door, putting things between the door and laughing. I calmly warned him once or twice he needed to stop or there would be consequences. Then yes I raised my voice and started trying to hold the door closed in the hopes he´d tire out and let me get some sleep. It made it worse. I went in his room and took his phone and told him he´d get it back it tomorrow once ive gotten some sleep. This was when he picked him the tennis racket. He was swinging in his defence just close enough to scare me but not hit me. He also banged it against walls doors and smashed a few items. Woke his little sister up terrified. C was diagnosed with Adhd in third grade I always suspected something more but got him in with first with a special ed school. Turns out he is actually exceptionally bright so that didnt work well. He was able to do three months at a psychiatric day clinic where he was medicated and they tested for autism, found alot traits but felt he was "too social. He got in with a therapist for a year but not much came of that as according to his words " he just told her what he thought she wanted to hear". Prior to this a residential facility was proposed and that was and still is one of his worst fears. Things stabilised a bit until he started saying weird things like his stepdad who had lived was us for 5 years was physically abusive. I believed him and kicked him out but stuff really started to crumble and this was when he first started showing some really concerning things. Every evening basically provoking and torturing me and his little sister till our wits end. The throwing heavy objects started and alot of verbal abuse. My mental health deteriorated to the point I had to spend time in an inpatient clinic ( I do have pretty bad CPTSD from a severely abusive childhood though) He had to go live in a group home. We live in Germany though where these places are quite nice but his behaviour escalated there too and they ended up saying he needed more psychiatric help and sending him home. We´ve been on a waiting list now with the psychiatric clinic here for another outpatient program. We were going to leave for a trip back to his child home in CA in two weeks. In his defence. He hasnt had it easy he was separated from me as a baby due to my mental health and DCFS being just.....hard. I got him back though. I´ve had two failed longterm relationships. He had to move across the world and learn a new language. I made mistakes. I was a traumatized 20 year old when I had him but we have soooo many resources here. He just started at a private Montossori high school where he is on a straight path to graduate early. I dont want to give up on him but I´m afraid the years of advocating of trying the unconditional love and acceptance route has backfired. He verbally abuses me, calls me a whore all the time, his sister doesnt even want to be home when he is anymore and she is 7, bouncing around between my parents, my sister and home when I think I can keep things calm. But tonight broke something in me. I was really afraid of him. I am willing to go to family therapy, continuing finding resources but Ive been doing that for 4 years. At what point do i put the health and safety of his sister and myself first. When do you know when you just cant do anything more to help your child
