I am going home after my C-section and am an emotional wreck having to leave them

[ryantheirish]

Hi everybody. I am a new mom. We have twins in NICU a boy (2lbs11oz) and a girl (2lbs 4 oz) They were born on Wednesday (27th) at 26 wks 4 days. We knew they would be early, I have a septum in my uterus and they were both on the same side. I'd gone into early labor @23 weeks but we managed to get the contractions to stop and I was put on steroids to get them up in weight and mature their lungs. I was also put on bedrest.

I got up to pee early Wednesday morning and flooded the toilet with blood. The placenta ruptured. It was absolutely the most terrifying thing I've ever been through. I didn't think they were going to make it with all of the blood that gushed out. I ended up having an emergency C-section around 7 am.

Today I am supposed to be going home. It's an hour and a half drive to the NICU from my home.

These past two days I've had some struggles with it. Baby girl had had some breathing issues and they both had jaundice. Both have had apnea issues. There has been a lot and it's a lot to process and keep up with. Both have also lost weight but are above 2 lbs still. I have been told all of this is normal but it's still terrifying.

I'm so scared to leave them here and not be here if something happens. My plan is to come every other day because of how far it is to drive. I can't stay at a hotel or anything, we have a lot of responsibilities at the house to deal with. I can't just leave my animals to fend for themselves and my husband has to go back to work.

I do have my MIL and my SIL living with us and they are a godsend. I don't know what I'd do without my MIL.

How do you manage leaving them? Does it get easier?

I am pumping and it has been going okay. I've managed to get a decent amount and have my little bags and coolers ready so I can bring them milk. I've been trying to focus on everything I can do but I'm still an emotional wreck.

 

[hatuyen0404]

@ryantheirish Take it easy the first week or so bc you are just recovering from cs. If it's possible, let MIL/SIL drive you to visit them cause the first week of cs was just too painful for me to even walk let alone drive. The 2nd week after cs was a lot easier although i still needed to take it easy.

Have you looked at ronald Macdonald's house? You should talk to the social worker and see what options you have. You can also call nicu to get updates.

It was hard leaving them. We were transferred to a nicu 1.5h away from home so i understand the pain. I missed her so much, it was so hard to get home.

You have a long journey ahead, take it easy, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. You'll have ups and downs. We were only there for 3w but it felt like forever.

For now, take care of yourself first, get yourself healed, pump as much milk as you possibly can, get some rest. They are in good hands.

Sending love and strength to you and your family.

 

[jsw3883]

@hatuyen0404 +1 for taking care of your self and Ronald mc Donald house. Take advantage if you can. This is a mask on the airplane situation. Take care of yourself before the child. The NICU can handle it while you recover.

 

[ryantheirish]

@hatuyen0404 Thank you. I am definitely struggling trying to move around. Getting up and walking is pretty painful right now.

My MIL and SIL just moved here from their native country a few months ago. SIL is only 17 but she got her learners permit last week. I've considered letting her drive me but she's never driven in traffic before and where the NICU is pretty busy. I don't even like driving in it and I've been driving for a while. I think we might need to let her practice some more around the small town we live in before she tries city traffic.

My husband has a couple of weeks off ( just got approved this morning) so hopefully by the time he goes back I will be able to get around okay.

 

[hatuyen0404]

@ryantheirish Definitely take it easy, it was a major operation. Let your husband visits the babies in the mean time. Our 1st week was 10mins drive to nicu and it was awful. Every single road imperfections was painful. Going in and out the car took forever. I can't imagine 1.5h.

By week 3 it was a lot better for me. The first week was rough, the 2nd week i could walk a bit, i still asked to park close to the entrance, 3rd week i could walk further and faster, almost back to normal.

 

[trancamhongkgv]

@ryantheirish Does leaving ever get easier? No not really, the only time I left the hospital in 121 days with relief was the day we brought our 24 weeker home.it was like breathing out a breath I’d been holding that whole time.

Do you have anyone who can take care of your animals so you could Ronald McDonald near the hospital? We were fortunate my parents were able to just take our two dogs indefinitely, we ended up 2 hours away from home with family because Ronald McDonald was closed (spring 2020), and being closer to the hospital was a huge relief

 

[jsw3883]

@ryantheirish Hey!

First off, welcome to the club no one wants to join. You are 100% right it’s terrifying.

We are on day 91 of our 550g 27+1 weeker who is now 2 days past her due date and is 2350g.

Leaving the hospital when my wife was discharged without our daughter was the hardest thing we’ve ever done. It’s wrong. It’s ok to mourn that.

For us it did get easier once we found a schedule and stuck to it, leaving became part of the process but even 90 days later my heart still hurts every time we leave without her. While we are no longer both in tears walking out every time it still hurts.

Are your twins on CPAP? At this size just be aware they might get worse breathing. That’s ok and it’s expected, essentially it’s called a “honeymoon period” and they are still running on reserves from inside the womb. It happened to us and it was shocking when she was intubated. It’s not a sure thing but it’s possible. We are almost off CPAP entirely now after a crazy respritory journey.

You have to take this 1 day at a time. Get through 1 day and then get up and do it again. Please don’t hesitate to ask any questions you have.

Here are some practical tips for surviving the nicu I sent to someone else…

Establish a routine at the hospital. Arrive for rounds, participate in care time and go home. You have a marathon ahead of you, take care of yourself.

Realize you aren’t always going to be strong and cry about it. It’s ok but know your baby is exactly where he has the best shot.

Find some nurses you click with and ask them to be primary for your child. This means when they are on shift they will be assigned to you first. Seeing a nurse you know changes everything.

Pumping this early was a challenge for us to get going. Give yourself grace, your little one shouldn’t be here yet, you did nothing wrong if your aren’t producing enough this early. We got a second set of pump parts which made night time pumping soooooo much easier.

People always say the nicu is a roller coaster but I never realized it fully u till we had the highest high in weeks followed by a really low scary moment in around 6 hours. The NICU is exhausting.

Call in when you can’t be there. We have a routine of calling after the night time care before we go to bed, and just hearing how she’s doing has made our sleep so much better.

Please don’t sleep in the NICU. It’s not restful and you’ll probably see things you can’t unsee. Unless they are telling you your baby is clinging to life, don’t do it.

 

[ryantheirish]

@jsw3883 They aren't on CPAP yet but baby girls doctor told us this morning that it will probably be something they will eventually have to do.

I was already leaking at 23 weeks when I first went into labor so pumping has gone better than we really expected. I guess I am fortunate for that. I know it is a struggle for a lot of people.

It definitely feels wrong. We are leaving soon and I don't want to. I don't think I've stopped crying yet this morning.

 

[jsw3883]

@ryantheirish Keep your head up this is the hardest thing we’ve ever done. I spend a lot of time of this sub reading them talking me off a ledge. And please mourn the part of your pregnancy you missed. It’s ok to be sad about not having that third trimester

Take it 1 day at a time.

 

[abyers56]

@ryantheirish Congratulations on the birth of your children! CPAP is not fun to see them on but it’s so helpful! It’s the same technology that adults with sleep apnea use, so my dad joked that our son was sleeping “just like grandpa” it feels so scary but it does sound like you have pretty standard preemie “complications” so far. They are in the best place to stay healthy, with the most technically excellent and experienced babysitters in the world when you aren’t with them. That’s what I had to tell myself every time I left. Call more often than you need to. You aren’t a bother and the nurses are happy to give you an update.

 

[dbanet]

@ryantheirish I cried the entire day when I was discharged and we had to leave our baby in the NICU.

Allow yourself some time to just feel…it’s ok!

Ask if you can get a camera setup to check in!! We had one setup when I went back to work and it was SO helpful! Just being able to see baby wiggling around brought me so much peace.

Never be afraid to call and check-in! The nurses don’t mind at all!

Also, one of our nurses referred to the NICU as “The World’s Most Expensive Daycare” with the best babysitters (LOL!) Your little ones are in great hands and they are getting lots of care and love and attention from the NICU staff!

 

[otto90]

@ryantheirish Our twin girls were also born at 26+4 on 12/18. We’re on day 11 today. It’s been a tough week and a half but they’re slowly but surely moving in the right direction. We’ve found that our support system has been absolutely vital for us and it sounds like you have good people in your corner too.

Wishing nothing but the best for you and your family!

 

[ryantheirish]

@otto90 Congratulations

We do have a great support system. The twins are my MIL's first grandchildren and she has been so excited. It's sweet. She is fantastic though. She always manages to know everything I need before I do and has this whole thing streamlined. My husbands sister (17) is also really excited to be an aunt. However she hasn't been able to see them in person yet. She was very excited to see pictures though.

My brother and his wife are due with their second child in a couple of months but they have been great as well. They have come by a couple of times and my brother went by my house and cleaned up the blood. They also brought us some food to the house for the freezer so I don't have to do anything other than stick it in the oven.

My husband has been as much of a mess as me though. He has always been very protective of me and spoils me a lot so me being in pain and him not being able to do anything about it and the babies being in NICU has definitely stressed him out some. However I think he has taken at least a few hundred pictures and has written down everything the doctor has said. English isn't his first language so that has been a barrier as well but he is very happy to be a dad. He brought a bunch of books to read to them during visitation and is really enjoying being able to do skin to skin and be a part of the whole process.

 

[daddydubya]

@otto90 Likewise our twins were born at 26+3 on 12/18. We faced a taps diagnosis in utero which sadly contributed to the death of our beautiful baby boy on 12/20. Our other boy is doing well. Wishing you both all the best.

 

[stagnate77]

@ryantheirish It doesnt get easier. I remember being discharged from my c section and heading right back to the NICU bc I couldn’t sleep at all. My anxiety couldn’t corporate leaving my son. Luckily my son NICU had a room where I could sleep and do all of his cares. I spend 2 weeks straight in the NICU while still recovering my C section. I had him at 25 weeks due to PROMM. He is now home after spending 100 days in the NICU.

 

[shamila]

@ryantheirish This almost happened to me, but Dell had a nesting program. So if you got discharged before your kid, if they had availability, they effectively comped the room. For a few days, sometimes longer. You were responsible for keeping it clean, no nurse service, etc.

but it was awesome.

good thing to ask about up front.

 

[igivemylife2jesus]

@ryantheirish One specific piece of advice: Get some sleep! Yes, I know you’re pumping. I pumped for NICU twins, too. I’d sleep for four hours, wake up for a pumping session, and sleep for another four hours. You need to recover from a grueling physical ordeal. WHEN your babies come home, they will benefit from having a mom who’s not tapped out.

Also, if you possibly can, get a hands free pump and pump in the car. I’d pump during my work commute with a nursing cover hiding the equipment. (I once walked off a plane with my pump attached to my chest, hidden by a nursing cover — do not recommend, but no one knew as far as I could tell!)

Otherwise, there’s a lot of great advice here. Marathon, not sprint. Good luck!!!

 

[gabjensnsn123]

@ryantheirish That's really tough and people have given you some good advice.

My advice if you have to keep making that long journey is to get a battery powered pump and use the drive to do a power pump - you can Google what the exclusive pumping groups suggest, but I typically did 20mins, 10min break, 10mins, break and a final 10mins pumping. Helps boost your supply and will mean you need less pumping the rest of the day.

 

[foreverroyal87]

@ryantheirish It doesn’t get easier leaving baby, but just remember that you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your babies.
The babies are with the most qualified nannies in the world.
As you visit see which nurses you develop a relationship with and like and ask if they can be your primary nurses. It gave me peace of mind to know certain nurses were taking care of my baby.

 

[kylla]

@ryantheirish It gets easier when it’s their stay is over and they’re home . Hope they grow up well and get out of there quickly!