I’ve got a good one for you guys…“Daddy what’s this sticky stuff?”

[rivergal319]

@sowhatwithit My daughter once at about a year and half old walked up to me while I was playing some FFXIV and said, "Look Daddy a big one!"

"A big what honey," I said, holding my hand out instinctively. Something slimy smushed into my hand, her little hands let go happily.

"See, a big ole one!" she proudly reiterated. I trembled a glance to my left - hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Expectations have a pension for becoming reality around here.

Sitting there dripping from my outstretched hand was what had once been an enormous, solid turd that had no business coming from a body that size. Now, however, it dripped - splattering little droplets down my hand an onto the floor. The girls diaper was off an stained brown half-way across the room yet a trail of turd drips traced my daughters path to the bathroom.

She had pooped in her diaper and decided to remove said poop from said diaper for relocation to the toilet she had been training to use - like a big girl. Full of pride, that little girl then removed the same mountainous turd- now soaking wet - from the toilet to show off its size and her ability to, "Poop in the bathroom,".

I was booted from my FFXIV raid party for inactivity that day.

 

[ianyoung]

@rivergal319 Omg dude I'm so sorry but I'm howling

RIP raid party.

 

[artizam]

@sowhatwithit I'm glad my son is not a fan of actual poop. He had a blowout when he was 2 and it was 2am. Shit all up his back and on his pillow but thankfully not his face. He got up, walked to his gate and called for me.

Stripped everything off onto the bed, gathered it all up in a ball and threw it in the wash. Gave his back and quick rinse and all was right as rain.

Next night same thing. He had the same stomach bug I had, lol. Poop, puke, and wet crackers. My 3 least favourite things to deal with.

 

[annahouck]

@sowhatwithit If there were a Dad Olympics, this would definitely be an event. The shitcathalon.

 

[temre]

@annahouck I can see it being a half pooppukecathlon too.

 

[gogale]

@sowhatwithit You'll have these stories. Make sure to write them down to trot them out whenever they start getting all high and mighty on themselves.

One fine evening I say to my wife, Starrion#2 son has been very quiet, where is he?

She gets up, goes to his room and lets out the kind of shriek that will bring the police. I race to the bedroom thinking, "OMG he got his head stuck and is dead in his room."

At least until the stink hit me. Shit. Like a wall of shit smell started at the door. I gagged. There is the little brown apparition, sitting in his room covered in shit. The floor is smeared in shit. The drawers of his dresser, shit. He very efficiently maximized how much shit could be smeared on surfaces from one bowel movement.

My wife scooped him up, tossed his clothes in the trash, and put him in the tub, scrubbed him, then flushed the water and did it again.

Meanwhile I started at one corner and started scrubbing the floor while I had a fan blowing the air out the window. after much effort, we had the whole room cleaned out and filled the trash with the clothing, toys and rags deemed unsalvageable. The rest went in the washer.

Two weeks later he tried it again.

It's amazing they survive to adulthood.

 

[sowhatwithit]

@gogale Good lord. I feel like the only option in that case is to just take a flame thrower to the room. Or sell the house and start over somewhere else.

 

[gogale]

@sowhatwithit Yeah, we say that online, but when you walk into that you realize the only way through is forward. If the little buggers don’t kill you, they will drain you of everything then stuff you in a budget nursing home.

 

[saisem]

@sowhatwithit Dude, that sounds horrible, and sounds like the thing of nightmares, lol. I can't relate with the poop situation yet, though I'm sure the day will come. I can, however, totally relate with the lack of sleep. My 8.5 month old daughter got hand foot and mouth this week so the last 3 nights, including tonight, I have been up with her every hour and I can only get her to sleep if I'm on the couch with her.

 

[nathanbmajor7]

@saisem My son (~16 months) had something a few weeks ago and the only way I could get him to sleep was rubbing his back while he laid in a big bed with me. If he's awake he knows to get down feet first but sick, sleeping, in the dark, and wearing a sleep sack, no way. So I stayed up all night making sure he didn't fall off, and helping him fall back asleep every time he woke up.

Sleepless nights are just part of good parenting. Babies/kids are small and mostly helpless people. It's up to us to make the necessary sacrifices and put them first.

 

[carri]

@sowhatwithit I have a 2 year old with a stomach bug at the moment. We had a busy day even without that issue today, so after shower/baths we were all dead tired.

Climbed into his bed, read him some books, convinced him to go to sleep and ready to turn off the light. Hoping to just go straight to bed myself.

Suddenly I just noticed something on the bed I didn't see before. Ah excellent, a massive chunky pile of stomach contents. Right where I had just been laying on my back, somehow unaware. Took another hour dealing with all that and showing again before I actually ended up in bed.

Parenting is the best.

 

[potstir]

@sowhatwithit Copy paste from an old comment of mine but...

My wife and I made the mistake of going out to dinner one time when my son hadn't pooped in an oddly long time, like almost long enough to where we might've called the doctor.

Well, we ordered and then I smelled it... And then I saw it... Running up and over the back of his diaper dripping down and out the back of the chair onto the floor. It was just this massive stream of flowing liquid, kind of like the Golgotha demon from Dogma... Just flowing everywhere.

My wife grabbed him up and was safe in the bathroom trying to get him some kind of cleaned up... But I'm there shovelling, with my bare hands, liquid poop into a "to go" bag that they handed me. People are, understandably, relocating to other open tables as far away as possible.

Immediately told the woman we wanted the check and to gtfo and apologized over and over.

So that set a new record for being embarrassed. My son felt GREAT though so that was a plus!