I’m sick and tired of being told “JuSt GEt up BeForE tHe KiDs”

D

dmurrayfly

New member
Disclaimer: this is just a rant. I know this actually works for some people. I genuinely hope to be one of those people one day. Now onto my frustration…

I’m sick and tired and sick and tired and SICK AND BLOODY TIRED of being told to just get up an hour before the kids. As if it was just that easy. “Just” get up before them to workout/read/journal/drink tea. I have a 3.5yo and a 12mo, neither of whom sleep through the night. Neither of whom consistently wake up at the same time everyday. One day they sleep until 6 then the next day they get up at 5 then they spend the next 9 days waking up at 4:30 then they sleep until 5:30. There’s absolutely no rhyme or reason for it. Bedtime is consistent. My oldest doesn’t nap, but she consistently gets down time at the same time everyday. My youngest has a consistent nap schedule.

It is literally impossible for me to get up before them. “Oh just get them on a schedule.” Gee, what good advice. If only I had thought of that… oh wait, THEY ARE!! I even tried adjusting their bedtimes to build up more sleep pressure. I would LOVE to start my morning without the kids. I really would. I’m not a morning person so kicking my day off being yelled at, climbed on, poked, pinched, and demanded of really sucks. But I do it with a patient smile because I have to.

So when I vent about not having time to exercise or have a hobby or enjoy a tv show or anything else, it’s because I DONT HAVE THE TIME. I’m already going through my day on like 4.5 (maybe 5 if I’m super lucky) hours of broken sleep. There is no way I can physically sacrifice anymore sleep to start my morning any earlier. I would end up falling asleep while putting the baby down for a nap which would leave my oldest totally unattended until I eventually woke up.

And please don’t come for my husband. He has even less time than I do. He is struggling with PTSD, sleep deprivation, anxiety, and a dangerous job that is making it all worse. It’s not him making these stupid suggestions to me. He knows what I’m dealing with. It’s my ridiculous mother and my MIL who apparently only had perfect babies that always slept 7p-7a and they always had time to be up early. I guess I’m just doing it all wrong.
 
@dmurrayfly The only reason I got up at 530 today was because my daughter was crying. I cannot convince myself to sacrifice more sleep either. Also, for the grandma's who said it was easy...they have probably forgotten a large portion of having young kids.
 
@jackie4468 For real! My 3.5yo literally pealed my eyes open at 3:15 this morning to tell me she threw up in bed. Then my baby started the day at 4:30. I didn’t go to bed until 10:30 last night because the house was such a mess and I can’t start the day with a disaster. And this is a fairly standard day for me. There’s no way I can get up earlier. As it is, I plopped my daughter on the couch with her tablet and put the wiggles on the tv for my son because I just couldn’t do playtime first thing and I feel like crap for it.
 
@dmurrayfly We do quiet time at my house where once baby is asleep, I set the almost 3yr old up with a movie (usually frozen) and then lay down on the couch and try to sleep. I can usually get a half hour nap before she wakes me up! I know im blessed that she will let me nap AND that she’s not going to destroy the house.

My oldests bedroom also has space for me to nap so I’ve napped in her room before while she plays and she’ll reliably give me an hour of sleep. I have a Childs doorknob cover on the inside so she’ll be stuck with me.

My mom laughs and said she used to lay down in the play pen with us and nap while we crawled on her. Now THAT is tired! I just set up strategically placed baby gates so toddler has free reign of the living room.

Im typing this at 4am feeding the baby again, knowing toddler will likely wake me up at 6. My hobby for the next year IS sleeping.
 
@driftingtoofar Yup. I've straight told MIL to cool it with the gramnesia.

Also I live with her son, there is absolutely no way this chaos trail-leaving man with a giant stubborn streak was some perfect angel as a toddler lmao.
 
@peacetips my MIL starts in with that “and he was just such a perfect baby—“ and immediately at least three or four people from his family have to chime in and reassure me in English and her in Spanish that he absolutely was not lol. It’s hilarious.
 
@jackie4468 Idk HOW accurate this is, but my neuroscientist brother mentioned that due to our hormones that naturally push for reproduction (not because we are houseslaves and birth givers, but literally evolutionary science), it makes us forget (to an extent) the literal pains and struggles we go through with little ones. So, I wouldn't be surprised that granny is in la-la land.

Plus, my MIL has forgotten entirely how toddlers operate in actuality, and it's only been like 16 years since she last went through it. If they don't have a young child, they just don't remember the actuality of having one. Could be the hormonal/remembrance thing or could be blocking out the trauma... or a mix! Don't really know, but there is a very clear disconnect.

Also, people tend to not want to acknowledge that every human being has their OWN nature and that does not change just because we wish it to or try to alter it ourselves. Best thing we can do is compromise! Early mornings? Don't wake earlier. Short evenings too? Don't do an 1.5hr workout or hobby. Keep it short and simple and communicate with those in your village on getting some self care time. Best advice I can give, will it work for everyone? Nope!! But that's the key, is to take in advice THAT does work, disregard what doesn't, and think of new things that can help!
 
@meetyouinthesky It’s so true: we do forget the gory details of the early years. I’m convinced that part of it amnesia caused by that lack of sleep, but also because each subsequent phase of child-rearing presents challenges that make that erratic sleep seem like no big deal in comparison.
 
@dmurrayfly I hate any advice pertaining to "normal times" for kids. Each kid is different. For some of us those suggestions are quite literally useless. I get "Oh just do it while he naps" a lot. He doesn't nap anymore.
 
@zazzi Ugh I was so sad when my oldest stopped napping. She gave it up right before my son was born so I’ve never had them both napping. My son’s nap is when I need to wash dishes and put on laundry. I can’t do it when he’s awake. I also have to give my toddler 1:1 time. And my son is transitioning to 1 nap so I’m really crunching during that time.
 
@dmurrayfly Oof I am so sorry, that's rough. Give yourself credit for what does get done, I'm sure you're doing great. We'll all make it through!

With how long its taking to have number two, maybe I'll be lucky and my first will be in school by the time newborn comes around.
 
@zazzi My daughter has always been really low sleep needs. Like she hit 1 nap at 9 months old. I’m surprised she kept that nap as long as she did. Nothing prepared me for how little she sleeps. We even had her evaluated and there is nothing wrong with her. She just doesn’t sleep as much as the “average” for her age. My son doesn’t seem to be as bad but he’s definitely aiming for the minimum end of “average”
 
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