I’m an idiot and MatLeave in this country sucks

@jimmy777788 I totally understand that. I know it’s very costly for the family to be able to do that. On the other hand though, it’s still a job and it should be treated with the same views as an office one. In my case this is not something I do on the side, it’s my whole career. I have educational background, courses, etc.

With that being said I do believe there needs to be more support for mothers on both before and after pregnancy. Mat leave should be much better and employers and the government should do better as well.
 
@123noname123 However, it’s not the same. Unless you are hired through an actual agency, it’s typically a regular family with two parents working as your employer. If those parents had more flexibility and support (like many other countries). They likely wouldn’t need you the standardized way Nannie’s are used.

Look what people are saying. Daycare is more than their paycheck; they quit and stay home. These are not poor people; this is middle class. Upper middle class is only slightly better off. They cannot thrive supporting their own child expensive and someone else’s.

Middle and upper middle class specifically. Should not be charged with shouldering something that should be countrywide and supported properly.

Poor people can’t afford Nannie’s and rich people hire through agencies and/or directly and can offer more upfront. Middle and upper-middle have just enough to get a nanny in the first place. They shouldn’t be tasked with propping up a failed system. A system that’s anti-family on both sides of the equation.

It’s like being forced to tip through societal norms in the US. Pay the servers more. Don’t guilt trip the patrons. I tip, but it’s still ridiculous granted other countries aren’t this way; tipping is offensive.
 
@jimmy777788 It is absolutely the same, agency or no agency. I pay taxes just the same, I work just the same. How is it fair that because my employers are a set of parents I’m not entitled to the rights that you’re here advocating for?

Some families do prioritize staying with a nanny that not only does a great job but understand their children, love them, and is comfortable with the house dynamic. A huge nanny rotation isn’t great on the kids.

I understand day care and Nannie’s and honestly child care in general is costly and I wholeheartedly agree that it shouldn’t be the case and change needs to happen. I just don’t think it’s fair that you’re diminishing my career when we both share the same needs. A decent mat leave and child care options.

Having a nanny isn’t a failed system option. I take a lot of pride in my work, I chose this career over and office job because I care about children, I love what I do and I’m good at it. I research activities, I track development and plans to support whatever is needed in each area. I engage with other parents and caregivers alike in order to provide social interactions and much much more. Saying my career is a failed system option is incredibly offensive! Some people choose to (or want to) have Nannie’s because they want one on one care and have specific needs and ideas that they want to provide for their children.

I hate that the system sucks for families and specially women. But I didn’t choose this career to profit from it. I would like my job to be respected and owed just as much as any other women’s job.

Nannying is so incredibly far from tipping culture. You clearly don’t understand what it is or what it should be and that sucks. But as much as it is not your fault that our system and society failed you as women and a mother, it has failed me. I don’t deserve less for my career choices.
 
@123noname123 I never said that you weren’t deserving. We are all deserving innately.

Your whole response is based on the idea that I believe this and a lot of other things I don’t believe and didn’t say or imply.

Bottom Line:

Our government does a shit job supporting a healthy environment for everyone. We should demand more from them since they do fuck-all for the majority of us and waste.
 
@jimmy777788 I agree with your last statement. The government should do more.

I do not know what you believe or not but comparing nannying to tipping culture is a little out there and very out of touch with reality.
 
@jedidiahanointing I'm literally timing my fertility treatment to hopefully be successful in May or June so I can stack FMLA sequentially with paid summer vacation. Not only does it screw you over pay wise, but the field is pretty restrictive when it comes to "best times to procreate".
 
@jedidiahanointing Just want to plant this seed anywhere it might bear fruit: parental leave policies should be organized around the number of babies born. Twins and multiples require more physical recovery for the mom and place more demands of sleep and care upon all supporting adults. If you have the ability to set policy in a workplace, consider organizing your benefits this way.

12 weeks PP from the twins and I could not physically sit up/ hold myself upright due to a fairly strong case of diastasis recti.
 
@jedidiahanointing Amen to that! Hahahhaa i literally started in January. This is my first.

I have no clue what the expectation on gifts are after having a child / maternity leave. Usually I make things and get books for the nieces and nephews, so I was going to see what I could reasonably do this summer, but I have so many other house projects for my own now.
 
@jedidiahanointing Hahah I know. I meant I do crafts- like a small quilt or dress up item. It’s hard to normalize and prioritize my rest at the moment, but i’m doing my best to honor how I feel.
 
@j3r3m3 A quilt ? If you have made one quilt, that is one more quilt than most of us will ever make, and any further quilts exceed the quilt quota.

Also if you GIFTED a handmade quilt to someone, I think you are exempt from further gift giving. That’s the gift Olympics and you have won.
 
@shinobikun Lol well thank you! I wish some people would see it that way. My in laws are crazy at Christmas and the gifting is a huge part of their life, for better or worse. I try to gift as many handmade things as I can, including some baby quilts. I love making things, it’s a way I can show love.
 
@jedidiahanointing In my day you got 4 wks nirmal or 6 weeks of cesarean. Not only did I quit, but daycare was sparse and usually overcrowded companies or in home centers. It also costs more than a female's paycheck back then.

In CT, we have a family medical leave program that pays a percentage of your pay for maternity or paternity leave for 12 wks. It also can be used to care for a sick relative or surgery/illness. A small tax is taken out of our pay like state tax.
 
@jedidiahanointing Oh honey, come to Connecticut. Working moms are precious here. 12 wks vaginally and 15 cesarean. I believe the FMLA is 65% of your pay. I hate how working moms are victimized in areas. At least they can't fire you for it any longer.
 
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