Husband running a 2 day race a month after I’m due

[yuliza]

First pregnancy, clearly no clue what it takes to take care of a 4 week old. My husband has registered for a trail race that will take him out for about 48 hours. One month after my due date. He asked me before he registered and since we’ve both been adamant about keeping our hobbies and fitness as much as possible when the baby comes, i gave him the okay. Am I crazy to think I won’t need him for that time?

 

[doodlum1]

@yuliza I’d be less concerned about the race itself and more about the training leading up to it. How much time is he going to dedicate to that while you are super pregnant and immediately postpartum? He’s going to be hitting peak mileage as you are likely to go into labor.

 

[anth987]

@doodlum1 This

 

[lamentations2]

@doodlum1 I do a lot of endurance training for mostly mountain sports. This is actually perfect timing because he should be thinking about the taper down during this period leading up to the race. Except for the sleeping part, it might work to his advantage to have built in rest.

 

[michelle1]

@yuliza My husband and I are both triathletes. The compromise we struck is that he will be doing shorter distance races this year (not Ironmans), and only locally. My concern is more about the training time commitment than the races themselves — 4 hour bike rides probably won’t be happening. Also, I’m trying to not be too jealous that he can keep doing the sport we both love, while I’m pretty restricted. I am accepting that this phase of life has inherent unfairness. He is a great communicator and very considerate man, and it helps me be more willing to support his goals. With compromise.

 

[robingood]

@yuliza Honestly if it was me I’d also tell my husb to go do it. Will there be moments where ur like wtf why did I agree to this, for sure, but it’s only 2 days and honestly when they are that young the only hard time is at night with wake ups. I formula fed from the start so my husb and I split up shifts so if he was away it was just more waking up on me but not the end of the world. Honestly during the day I always say it’s the busiest yet most bored you’ll be cause they sleep like 90% of the day so since my husb got paid paternity leave for 6 weeks, we were both home all day everyday like twiddling our thumbs half the time.

 

[soaring]

@robingood This! It's honestly boring and if your husband is off for an extended period of time (mine was as well) you might want the breathing room haha.

 

[robingood]

@soaring Yes! While obviously I appreciated the offering, whenever family would offer to help during those first 6+ weeks I was always thinking like help with what. The baby doesn’t move, sleeps all day, I’m honestly just bored hah

 

[jackson16]

@robingood Yes, and it’s so nice to have someone to help go grocery shopping, take out the trash, do the dishes, cook you food, fold the laundry so maybe you can rest or go for a walk. Or watch the baby so you can run errands! Agreed, it’s hard to think of things in the moment.

 

[robingood]

@jackson16 Yeah. I was very very lucky that my husband gets 6 weeks paid paternity leave so he was able to do all of that. I no longer work full time but was def ironic that my husband got paid leave but I didn’t and I was the one who had to birth the kid lol. But as my daughter has gotten older, having family nearby has been amazing. Though we wouldn’t necessarily choose to live in the cold state we do, living close by family and my nephews was important to us so just try and put up with the winters .

 

[iron2iron]

@yuliza I think it depends on the baby's temperament.... Mine was colicky, basically couldn't be put down without immediately scream crying, and woke up tons and didn't sleep well at that age. I would have struggled immensely being on my own for two days. Even with my husband's help in the evenings/at night (he was back at work during the day at that point) I was tired and stressed out from all the scream crying. I understand wanting to keep up with hobbies, but I'm gonna go against what a lot of other comments are saying, at one month after you give birth, he can stick with hobbies that don't take 48 hours straight (plus recovery time). But I also feel we had a more difficult than average newborn stage so maybe it will be easier for you!

 

[asking79]

@yuliza If you have a trusted friend/parent/family member, you could always ask them to come join you for the weekend. That way you can have a second pair of hands around just in case

 

[jackson16]

@asking79 Yes to this!!

 

[katrina2017]

@yuliza I don't see a problem with. Unless you have a horrible delivery that need medical care (hopefully not!). You would be okay

 

[ara]

@yuliza My husband is going on a camping trip with friends a month after the baby is due. He keeps asking if I'm going to be okay. I'll be fine. I've got the milk. He can go do his time sensitive astronomy in the desert hobby shit.

 

[troberson]

@yuliza Are you crewing?! As long as you don’t need to be out there crewing you will be okay. My firefighter husband went back to work a shift before his leave kicked in - he was gone for three days and babe was a couple of weeks old. It was hard but we were fine!

 

[zkybyrd]

@yuliza Just to offer an alternative to the comments saying it will be fine: I would've been screwed alone with the baby for 48 hours within the first six weeks. She would not sleep independently. She would scream when put down until she turned purple and vomited. For this reason, we had to take shifts holding her so the other could sleep/shower/eat. It really depends on what type of kid you have and, if I'm looking at my experience, I'd recommend against it. Depending on how your birth goes, you also might still be in serious recovery mode.

 

[miralha]

@yuliza I don't know how you guys manage your finances, but I would say to my husband that if he wanted to do this race it was okay but he had to hire a postpartum doula for the days that he would be unavailable to do his part with the baby, and pay for it out of his fun money/discretionary funds, not the general household budget.

 

[deamy]

@yuliza I am five weeks PP and let me tell you, you will get the hang of it.

My husband is going back to work on Thursday and we have had trial days where he is close but mostly spends his time in the woodshed. It's hard and I needed a time out by myself last week, but it's doable.

I'd say arrange for you to have some time to yourself when he returns, you will need it.

 

[godlovesart]

@yuliza At 5 weeks old, my baby and I flew to another state and stayed there for nearly a month for her to have surgery and appointments with her orthopedic surgeon. She’s my 3rd baby, so I definitely had the hang of it by then. But fwiw, I never once thought “I wish my husband was here to help” lol. He’s wonderful and he stayed home with our other two kids, so I absolutely had the easier end of the deal. But a 3-6 week old doesn’t need much.