So our 13 year old has been buying and smoking weed despite us catching him a couple of times and talking with him about the risks, why we don’t want him doing it etc. He’s unsurprisingly lied about stopping and today we found out he was off to buy more. He’s now at home and I’m just stumped as to what to do. We’ve tried talking openly about the pros and cons. I’m not anti-weed entirely but I think he’s way too young right now, plus here in the U.K. it’s not legal and therefore you just don’t know what you’re buying. We’ve grounded him twice in the past but it’s had no effect at all. I just don’t know how to support him and also keep him safe and healthy. Any ideas?!
How to deal with a teen who’s smoking weed
- Thread starter randomvim
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- parenting teens
@randomvim We are going through this exact thing with our teen. He said he likes the way it makes him feel less anxious and less depressed. Okay cool. Now we're trying to set up some counseling from a from an addiction recovery place. He's not addicted (as far as we know) but maybe they can give him the tools/skills to not use weed to self medicate.
Perhaps you could check that out for your teen.
Stay strong and good luck!!
Perhaps you could check that out for your teen.
Stay strong and good luck!!
whiteknightnews
New member
@randomvim Ok this message got make me sound like a bad mom but I don’t trust street weed and I will leave a small amount of dispensary weed in her room and tell her I’m missing something let me know if she finds it. Plausible deniability. Also, there is rules like her sister doesn’t get to know because she’s 14 and my the only reason I let my 16 year old smoke is that the kid really needed to chill out. She worries about everything and has alway been such a high anxiety child. A little green and she’s so much happier and calmer. In a little over a year she can legally smoke so I see no harm.
@whiteknightnews I think that sounds like a sensible approach. Only issue I have right now with doing something similar is that my son is 13 and therefore (I think) way too young to be regularly taking any kind of drug and also, we’re in the U.K. where weed is not legal at all, so unless we started growing it ourselves which I don’t plan to, then it’s street weed or nothing. I wish we lived somewhere where it was legal as it’d be so much easier!
whiteknightnews
New member
@randomvim True! We have read the research together about brain development and my 16 year old uses medicinally more than recreationally and rarely but my 14 year old worries me. I’ll update you on how therapy goes!
@randomvim Devil’s advocate… let him have it. Seriously. Let him have a little box in his room with all his stuff in it. Make it conditional though. Only if he keeps his grades up and does his chores. He needs to limit it to just on the weekends. You have to know who he’s buying it from and that it’s credible. Make sure he’s only carrying a very small amount at a time. Make it clear you’re not bailing him out if he gets in trouble for it. Take it away when he misbehaves.
In my opinion, telling teens not to smoke pot is like telling them not to have sex. You might prefer that they didn’t do it, but it’s much better to make sure they’re doing it safely.
I know this is an unpopular opinion so feel free to downvote me lol.
In my opinion, telling teens not to smoke pot is like telling them not to have sex. You might prefer that they didn’t do it, but it’s much better to make sure they’re doing it safely.
I know this is an unpopular opinion so feel free to downvote me lol.
rileyrow010
New member
@storm6979 Yep. I have a 16 year old son, and this is what I chose to do. Once he knew I wasn't upset over his "habit" he stopped doing it. I even offered to shmoke with him, and he turned me down. We did gummies together once, and he was so stoned he put his head in my lap and asked when it was going to be over. Kill 'em with kindness, show them the right way and teach them to be responsible along the way.
Good luck.
Good luck.
@storm6979 Yes, this. I’d add making sure he will never ever hold someone else’s stash “for a while” or sell some of his weed in smaller quantities to friends.
@storm6979 This is how I’d prefer to handle it with my daughter. Particularly with it being decriminalized/legalized, it’s very easy for them to get and very tempting as well. One of the main talking points for legalization is that it’s not harmful, so I agree with your comparison to sex—they’re going to keep doing it anyway; and it’s not harmful as long as they’re safe about it.
Edited to clarify I’m in the US, I know OP is in the UK.
Edited to clarify I’m in the US, I know OP is in the UK.
@storm6979 I like this idea as it’s more realistic but I don’t know really if I’m comfortable with this at his age. He is just so young, although he’s a very mature 13 year old he’s still 13.
@randomvim My parents had a similiar approach and I understand that this can work with some children but for me it was not just weed. When I was 14-years old the police caught a friend smoking weed and he got it from my girlfriend at that time who was 17-years old. My parents found out because I got a letter from the police. Nothing really happened but my parents were pretty angry and did not want me to have legal issues. Which I did not have in the end.
My parents tested me on weed regularly but I did not smoke anything. But I started to search for other options. Started to do stuff like magic truffles and salvia because they were easy available for minors. I later started taking alcohol half a year before I turned 16 and had problems at school. Beer is available at the age of 16 in my country. My parents enabled it. I started having bad grades at school and though about getting a job instead of education. But I did not want people to think that I was dumb and tried to better my grades. I stopped drinking and really improved a lot at school. I still wanted to take drugs and found kratom. It's a plant from Thailand that acts similiar to stuff like codeine or morphine but is not lethal and less habit forming, bla bla bla, that's not the point actually. Because I knew that kratom acts like other opioids I got interested in abusing medicine. We had around five bottles of codeine at home and I took them over time. My mother clearly knew that but we did not talk about that. (She even got me some codeine when I told her I was ill) I was in therapy at that time because of OCD maybe she thought I was self medicating or something. I started going on raves when I was 16. i already tried ecstasy at a friends house. Me and a friend bought ecstasy that was way stronger than we thought and went to my parents house. My brother saw us and told me that our parents should not see us like that. We went quietly in my room but we were talking loudly when we finally arrived. Suddenly my mother went in my room and it was obvious that we have taken drugs. She asked me once. I said "no" and the conversation was over. After that experience I knew that I could do what I want. Over the next few years I started experimenting a lot with different drugs. The same year I took speed and cocaine. With 17 I took crystal, oxycodon and ketamine and with 18 I took heroin, PCP and fentanyl.
My parents told me that I can do what I want as long as my grades are good and my grades were great but I still developed a very bad habit with polytoxic drug use. I took everything I could get my hands on. Every medicine, plant and chemical but my grades were good. I nearly killed myself more than once. I often passed out and my parents saw it. I urinated myself twics while I passed out. I got manic. I got anxious. I got a 10 minute long seizure on tramadol and got stab wounds while shaking unconsciously but my grades were great.
I mean I love my parents but the way they treated my clearly destructive drug habit was not healthy. I think my mother was pretty codependent. Me and my brother both used drugs but she always seemed to but it in a box in her mind and never ever look at it again. And my father wanted to be more accepting but it did not work out that good. Both don't know about stuff like heroin and I think they would have acted different but the drug problems in my family were visible. Also my mum found xanax while I was unconscious so I think she knew that I was taking stuff that can be pretty addictive.
I don't say parents should be authoritarian about drugs. I think talking about drug use is important and having rules is also important. A 13-year old person should not smoke weed. Maybe talk with him about the fact that you are not against weed but against a 13-year old smoking weed. And look for other signs of drug use. At best tell your child that you can talk about such stuff. There are a lot of other things people take that is not weed. Stuff like whipped cream capsules or specific plants. Depends on were you life. Just show your kid that you will not be mad and that you just want to be a helpful parent.
Also when your kid is drug seeking maybe consider therapy. A lot of people self medicate themselfs. I now know that I have BPD which is associated with drug use.
My parents tested me on weed regularly but I did not smoke anything. But I started to search for other options. Started to do stuff like magic truffles and salvia because they were easy available for minors. I later started taking alcohol half a year before I turned 16 and had problems at school. Beer is available at the age of 16 in my country. My parents enabled it. I started having bad grades at school and though about getting a job instead of education. But I did not want people to think that I was dumb and tried to better my grades. I stopped drinking and really improved a lot at school. I still wanted to take drugs and found kratom. It's a plant from Thailand that acts similiar to stuff like codeine or morphine but is not lethal and less habit forming, bla bla bla, that's not the point actually. Because I knew that kratom acts like other opioids I got interested in abusing medicine. We had around five bottles of codeine at home and I took them over time. My mother clearly knew that but we did not talk about that. (She even got me some codeine when I told her I was ill) I was in therapy at that time because of OCD maybe she thought I was self medicating or something. I started going on raves when I was 16. i already tried ecstasy at a friends house. Me and a friend bought ecstasy that was way stronger than we thought and went to my parents house. My brother saw us and told me that our parents should not see us like that. We went quietly in my room but we were talking loudly when we finally arrived. Suddenly my mother went in my room and it was obvious that we have taken drugs. She asked me once. I said "no" and the conversation was over. After that experience I knew that I could do what I want. Over the next few years I started experimenting a lot with different drugs. The same year I took speed and cocaine. With 17 I took crystal, oxycodon and ketamine and with 18 I took heroin, PCP and fentanyl.
My parents told me that I can do what I want as long as my grades are good and my grades were great but I still developed a very bad habit with polytoxic drug use. I took everything I could get my hands on. Every medicine, plant and chemical but my grades were good. I nearly killed myself more than once. I often passed out and my parents saw it. I urinated myself twics while I passed out. I got manic. I got anxious. I got a 10 minute long seizure on tramadol and got stab wounds while shaking unconsciously but my grades were great.
I mean I love my parents but the way they treated my clearly destructive drug habit was not healthy. I think my mother was pretty codependent. Me and my brother both used drugs but she always seemed to but it in a box in her mind and never ever look at it again. And my father wanted to be more accepting but it did not work out that good. Both don't know about stuff like heroin and I think they would have acted different but the drug problems in my family were visible. Also my mum found xanax while I was unconscious so I think she knew that I was taking stuff that can be pretty addictive.
I don't say parents should be authoritarian about drugs. I think talking about drug use is important and having rules is also important. A 13-year old person should not smoke weed. Maybe talk with him about the fact that you are not against weed but against a 13-year old smoking weed. And look for other signs of drug use. At best tell your child that you can talk about such stuff. There are a lot of other things people take that is not weed. Stuff like whipped cream capsules or specific plants. Depends on were you life. Just show your kid that you will not be mad and that you just want to be a helpful parent.
Also when your kid is drug seeking maybe consider therapy. A lot of people self medicate themselfs. I now know that I have BPD which is associated with drug use.
@randomvim i feel if he is old enough to be procuring it and balancing his money enough for the purchases, in addition to keeping grades and chores up. he may be mature enough to handle it. he might be the special case yknow?
@storm6979 I agree. Pot, alcohol, and sex are all things teens are going to do that we would prefer they not do but it's not realistic. In this case I would educate and keep the communication about it open and honest. I was younger than him when i smoked my first joint with friends at school and I'm 41 so it isn't anything new. My parents took the approach of educating and setting ground rules like don't drink or get high and drive. Call and we'll pick you up no consequences. It took the rebellion factor out of the equation. I rarely drank or smoked. Same with sex. Condoms kept available at all times for me and my siblings to take without needing to ask. As an adult i do not have any addictions and neither do my siblings so I think not demonizing these things actually made them less appealing if that makes sense. The consequences came in if we drank or got high and drove. Then we were in big trouble because a safe ride home was provided if needed.
@storm6979 I like this advice so much. Thanks. I have a teen and sometimes struggle with communication 
revemeritus
New member
@storm6979 I agree, my parents have a zero-tolerance policy on weed (and in general). I get drug tested right now and cheat all of them. So now they trust me more because as far as they know I am passing the tests when in reality they aren't stopping anything.
@randomvim It’s ok to have boundaries, especially for something illegal. Their brains are still developing. Subjecting himself to street weed is not helping him. Maybe he’s using bc of anxiety or insecurity. Healthy boundaries are important and him feeling heard and understood is part of that. I would prefer my teen smoke weed vs vape or cigarettes. Is delta eight legal for you? Is there a safe source you could procure it? There are many angles to approach this from.