@monni Have you actually sat down and spoken about what the issue is? If they're important to you and you want them in your life as well as your child's life you should.
It takes a lot of courage to speak to someone else's kid for parenting stuff, and it shows they want to help. Just give them some boundaries.
Unless he's being abusive or threatening in which case fuck him off.
@monni When a man does something good it’s bad but say if he doesn’t talk or do anything for the kid it’s a bad thing you lady’s don’t know what a good man is if it slaps you in the face just say.
@monni Not at all, as a single dad, I can tell you that’s probably just a guy that truthfully is internally feeling like he has to share you and isn’t ready to be apart of a kids life in a paternal way. He’s getting territorial of his relationship with you and trying to cement his position in your life not taking into account he’s actually destroying how you see him and value the relationship because he isn’t willing to allow you to control the direction you choose as a mother, women and for your son 100% of the time like you’d prefer. Good on you for recognizing early.
@monni I think we’d need more info for a true “am I the arse” determination. Mentioning vs. having a serious sit down conversation about an issue can have vastly different results. If you’ve very clearly communicated that you don’t want him to parent your child but he continues to do so, then we’ve got a major red flag. Word choice can make a big difference though, and if you’ve only sort of casually mentioned that you aren’t looking for him to do that, it could be misinterpreted as something akin to “oh you don’t have to do that”.
My BF does interject on a parenting level with my daughter, but we’ve had a lot of conversations about it and he knows my boundaries with it and doesn’t cross them. If he’s unsure of something he won’t intervene but will discuss with me later. We tend to have very similar viewpoints, but when we’ve disagreed he’s noted his disagreement but left the final call up to me. This is how I feel it should be. Healthy relationships can have these conversations without arguments. If you try to have this convo with your bf and he gets mad, big red flag.
@monni Overstepping can occur if they are unaware, whether due to inexperience or different cultures and upbringings. But once they are made aware of a boundary, if they can't respect it, they have to go.
My ex had a son when we got together, and at first I acted more like a "buddy" to him, but would remind him of mom's rules if needed (friendly reminders like "hey, buddy, remember your mom said....etc), which only happened if she asked if I was fine to watch him for a minute while she picked up a prescription or something. When the relationship became more serious and we moved in together, she and I sat down and discussed what role I would have in raising and/or discipline. That way we both knew we'd all be comfortable in our new dynamic. We even went as far as bringing her son's dad into the conversation too (I know not everyone has this option).
I'd say the two of you should sit down and talk about boundaries in detail. He may honestly just be trying to help you, it's just not the help you want or need. If he's not willing to accept your boundaries, then you may need to have another discussion.
