How often do you have date night with your partner?

[jcano]

Basically the title.

We have a 3yr old and a 1yr old and have been trying to do a regular date night once a month but it is really hard to plan that. I especially feel guilty asking our nanny to either stay later some weeknight or come on a weekend. Any tips around how to prioritize spending outside of the home time alone with your partner? I also am still bfing the younger one (pumping while working, nursing when not). We both work full time (I’m wfh most days 9-5, he’s working outside of the home 8-6/7 m-f and Saturdays 8-3/4).

 

[peggyleggy]

@jcano We do weekday lunches! Highly recommend.

I am tired at night time, paying a babysitter, worrying about if the kids will go to sleep, and my mood could be totally crap by 7 pm.

Sometimes we get pedicures together on our lunch breaks too. We also pay to go to couple’s therapy which I look at as our time to regroup. Sometimes we do boozy brunches or matinees while my mom takes the kids out.

 

[jcano]

@peggyleggy Honestly lunches during a lunch break sounds more doable than evenings thinking about it… maybe we will try that!

 

[jecaa]

@peggyleggy Same! We try to do a Friday lunch date. I’m so tired at the end of the day I usually don’t want to go out. Lunch were already paying for childcare, and then we still have family time in the evening. Lunchtime pedicures sounds like such a good idea too though!

 

[pastorinny]

@jcano Never very rarely we both have some time off during the day for a quick lunch date while the kids are in daycare/school, but otherwise all of our “dates” are at home after the kids are in bed. We’re intentional about it though and plan out the evening, like a sip and paint night, making a fun dessert together, or a new movie.

We don’t have any family nearby and my youngest doesn’t sleep independently enough for us to feel comfortable with a babysitter. I’m looking forward to when the kids are older and we can go out again, but it’s just the season of life we’re in right now.

 

[bubblegoose42]

@jcano Never. Well maybe once a year for our anniversary. We have 4, 2.5, and 19 months. They are VERY hard to handle at bedtime for one person, so babysitting is going to be in the very distant future. My mom watches them twice a week for about 5 hours so my husband can work. I work part time and we sort of trade off days. We don't have any overlapping free time.

 

[argem17]

@bubblegoose42 I thought I was odd also doing once a year! I don't have time or energy

 

[krugerdina]

@argem17 Same

 

[mwhite]

@jcano We do once a week, early Friday evening date. We schedule dinner for 530pm and are back by 7pm, in time for our daughters bedtime. Our nanny’s regular hours are until 6pm and we ask her to stay an extra hour on Fridays, which is relatively easier for her to accommodate instead of coming in on Saturdays.

 

[jcano]

@mwhite So do you each end work earlier on fridays?

 

[mwhite]

@jcano Yes, we both end workdays a little early on Fridays. Both our jobs are fortunately such that Friday evenings are usually slow work wise and filled with either fluffy meetings or team activities/events, which we choose to skip. My husband does sometimes takes urgent calls before the date or even during the date, if something comes up.

ETA: adding that we stick to restaurants that are within 10mins driving distance of us, so it helps save time on commute. It restricts our options, but a small tradeoff to make imo.

 

[amenjoe777]

@jcano About once every 6-8 weeks. We use a different occasional sitter than our nanny because I wouldn’t want her to feel like she can’t say no.

 

[duke845]

@jcano Once or twice a year. Babysitting would cost $100 for dinner and a movie. So we go out when my mom is visiting or during a parents night out at the Rec center for dinner only.

 

[cheerfulgiving]

@jcano Three times a year. Each of our birthdays and our wedding anniversary. If we happen to both be off on a random workday, we go to lunch.

 

[kimberlystambaugh]

@cheerfulgiving Our daycare opened after the holidays one day before husband and I had to go back to work. It was the best day ever. We dropped off the kids, went out to break, came home and took a nap, then watched a movie together before picking up the kids and having a nice evening together as a family. 10/10. We're planning to start at least taking off an afternoon together here and there.

 

[cheerfulgiving]

@kimberlystambaugh The days off when the kid(s) are in daycare are the best. If one of us has off, we always ask the other if they can also take off. Not often, maybe once every 2-3 months but it’s amazing and needed!

 

[kimberlystambaugh]

@cheerfulgiving Seriously, even just running errands together without having to get two other people in and out of car seats at every stop feels like a dream.

 

[brentdeacon92]

@jcano For us it's easier because both sets of grandparents are around and willing to watch them. We get date nights by being young patrons for the opera as it comes with season tickets. So money is already put down (don't want to waste it) and those dates are sorted out way in advance. It averages out to once every other month with how many we see a season (six for us and one he takes his mom to) and any extra events we want to do.

It's also something we need to dress up for and get adult only time. I know others squeeze in dinner beforehand, but not us haha. When I was breastfeeding (kiddos are now 6 and 4.5) we would head out afterwards and get some sexy times before picking up the kids. Now we have drinks afterwards with other patrons, sexy times, and then grab kids.

For breastfeeding I would pump before going and bring a hand pump just in case since operas are next to never short. Leave a small cooler in the car.

 

[katrina2017]

@jcano About once every 1-2 months. Kids are 1yr old and 3yr old but cause no troubles at bedtime. Sometimes we just get dinner after the kids are put down (babysitter just needs to watch the baby monitor) or we leave them earlier and go to see a show or something. Either my mum or MIL take babysitting duties. Both are confident with the dinner/bath/bed routine - we’re extremely lucky.

 

[jcano]

@katrina2017 That sounds amazing. Our 3yr old is super low sleep needs so his bedtime is like 9pm with no nap, so we are both so drained after bedtime (and often fall asleep during bedtime).