How much allowance is reasonable for parents?

[felipesaron]

My mum has been asking me to increase her allowance along w my increments in pay/bonus/AWS etc since I’ve more “working experiences” hence higher pay she should get more too. However I personally think that it is not that reasonable as I have more bills to pay for and my personal expenses do increase as well as I grew older.

A little context about my fam, I’m from a low income fam (only child) and back when I was schooling my fam was under the financial assistance scheme aka SAF and my dad is working in a factory w $2k/mth currently before CPF deductions and my mum is a housewife. She hasn’t been working since I’m born and the reason why she’s still not working because she’s diagnosed with severe OCD. What I meant by OCD here is not the typical OCD y’all hear from your friends, it’s the type that would require to undergo psychiatric treatments and she’s currently on pills too. Basically she doesn’t allow anyone to be home without her around. She has her own routine that all must follow otherwise she’ll begin to feel that the house is dirty and she go through tonless of repeated cleaning process if she accidentally thinks of smth that’s unclean. Same goes for deliveries as well, if it’s not collected under her supervision she will hv an extremely hard time to bring it into the house etc.

So a little bit about me, I’m a poly grad and been working for close to 4 years, currently 23 right now, drawing a salary of $3.5k/mth. I used to work another part time job which brings me about $1.5-2k extra back then, so a total of close to $6k/mth before deductions. I have personal goals to achieve in life in terms of monetary, where I’m looking to own a car and being financially ready to purchase a flat by 30 yrs old, and I’m diligently saving money and doing consistent investment with an insurance plan as well. I’m a strong believer that as a female, I should be financially independent and not rely on anyone, even my future husband.

The current house I lived in with my parents are from a bank loan of about $250k currently. My name is used (combined w my dad name) for the bank loan to increase the amount loan + years take to return, else my fam can’t go for the loan. Both my parents are in their mid 50 alr and my dad is gonna retire by 65 (if he can even work till 65) and I’ll be the one paying the loans. If he stops working at 65, by then the loan will be left with about $150k I guess. Also, because my name is used for the loan, naturally my name is in the property as well, which means I can no longer go for BTO or second hand HDB flats, I can only go for condo, which stresses me so much with the financial burden on me, and whether my future husband would be able to understand my situation. This is also why I’m working double jobs and lasted for 1yr+ but I can no longer cope with that so I’m left with 1 job.

Back then i was giving her $550/mth when working 2 jobs but she felt it was very less. She compared me to my cousins saying that they’re giving more than $500 w a $4-5k/mth salary while I’m earning more than them. She asked me to give her more but I really couldn’t afford it. I have many bills under me. I spend about $100-250/mth on transport, $700/mth (investment/savings under insurance), $300/mth on loan, $800-$1k/mth on personal expenses that includes food, going out, online shopping etc, $550/mth allowance for my mum, remaining will be savings in my bank as I’m saving up for my Uni cost which cost about a total of $30-$35k. My mum claims that it’s overboard that I’m saving $2k/mth but that’s because I do not want to drag too long for my Uni education. In fact with $2k/mth it takes about 3 full years of working time to accumulate the full sum. I’m thinking about saving up full sum before going to part time Uni while working full time as soon I’ll be the one that starts to pay the house loan w about $1/k mth in cash.

Now I’m getting $3.5k/mth before deductions, and I’m giving my mum $350/mth and she became more upset about it. I cut down on my personal expenses to about $600-$800/mth and amount of money I save in my bank/mth (saving about $900+/mth) while the rest remain the same.

I could not reason out with her as she is always comparing and says that I’m too stingy with her when it comes to money but she does not understand that I have my financial goals to achieve too. On top of monthly allowance, she expects me to pay for her shopping expenses, she wants me to sponsor her to travel w my dad. She thinks that I should give more because they’ve been feeding me and raising me, and she claims that no amount of allowance can give back to what she had done as a mother.

Hope you guys can give some advise on what I can/should do, thank you

 

[inverno80]

@felipesaron I didn’t even finish reading your post because the answer is ZERO. You should be giving your mom ZERO allowance. If you live with them and pay the mortgage that is equivalent to paying rent. You should look at getting out of the loan for their house because it will make you buying your own very difficult, if not impossible. Are you on the deed of the house or only the mortgage? If you aren’t on the deed then you need to be. EDIT - So I went back and read it all. Children don’t owe their parents for raising them. It is the parents choice to have children and their responsibility to pay for it. Children aren’t a parents retirement fund. Stop paying for your parents. Figure out a way to buy your own place.

 

[chriscomplex]

@inverno80 The $550 IS his contribution towards the monthly mortgage payment. It’s just that Americans would call that paying rent to your parents, while Singaporeans would call it “allowance”.

Basically most of this won’t make a lick of sense to someone who doesn’t live in Singapore. The norm is to live with the parents until marriage because rent is so expensive (more than $550) and you can’t buy subsidised housing until you marry or are 35.

 

[katrina2017]

@felipesaron You should be giving her $0/month "allowance." You should be paying your percentage of the monthly bills like mortgage and utilities while you're living there.

Her finances are not your responsibility and you don't owe her for raising you.

That's insane.

 

[chicodog]

@felipesaron So I suspect there is a cultural element at play here, but I gotta say, I'm with every other person who says the allowance you should be giving your mother is $0. You say she can't work, honestly I think she needs to adult the fuck up and figure it out. What would she do if you didn't exist to be her ATM? That's what she needs to do.

Here's the thing I was raised to believe that a parents job is to send their kid out into this world with the bulk of the tools necessary to be self sufficient. The flip side of that coin is that parents are not supposed to burden their children. They are supposed to be self-sufficient themselves, and only in the most extreme of cases do they turn to their kids for help. Even then it's done without expectation, and there is gratitude for it being done because children are not supposed to be raising their able-bodied parents.

You've taken on a shit ton of risk for your family. You've signed your name to a mortgage that has locked you in for what I'm assuming is 30 years. Sure it's an investment for you, but you're already worried about whether your dad is going to be able to keep up his end of the deal by working into his mid-60s and paying his agreed upon share.

At some point you need to be able to live your own life. This time here is the time for you to start planning for the day they are no longer here. At their mid-50's if they live an average life span, you could be caring for them for another 30+ years. You'll be in your 50's by then and potentially well behind the curve.

Your mom needs a job and your parents need a financial advisor,. I'm sure there are also government services that your parents can apply for to help ease some of their financial burdens. It's time for them to make use of that rather than you.

You're going to experience a shit ton of guilt. Some of it will be you placing it on yourself. I'm certain your mom will supply the rest. You need to get emotionally tougher and deal with it. It's the only way you're going to be free of your maternal anchor.

 

[chriscomplex]

@chicodog If OP didn’t exist, the parents would rent out his room for $800-1000.

There’s no easy right answer here. It just sucks to be poor and poorly educated (the parents) in a country (Singapore) that has gone from developing to developed in a short time.

 

[kfooty]

@felipesaron I'm all for family helping family in a tough time. That can mean a lot of things, though. An allowance for a parent is ridiculous.

 

[eliximbo]

@felipesaron Stop giving your mother allowance.. that is NOT your responsibility. I hope you can get the heck out of there asap.

 

[chess123mate]

@felipesaron I think there’s a cultural element here that perhaps most of us are not familiar with. Are you from an Asian background? If so, you might be better served posting in a sub specific to that heritage, as people will be familiar with the cultural expectations around giving your parents a monthly allowance.

 

[ekcol]

@felipesaron Omg what bothered me the most about this whole post was her expecting you to support her travels with your dad. Absolutely freaking not. If she cannot afford to travel, she doesn’t.