How do you wake up?

[cptbobproffesoromemeology]

Do you get up before your kids? Do your kids wake you up?

I’m struggling hard with my 3 year old. He can bust child locks off now, which is what worked for a while. Then we had a baby gate, but he needs to use the potty in the mornings now (he’s just starting to ease into night training, and poops as a soon as he wakes up some days). So the gate is on the hallway now.

He’s good about shutting the door behind him at least so I don’t think we have to worry about the one year old escaping. 3 year old seems to be solid enough where he’s safe in the house now, BUT…

He won’t stay in bed until his hatch changes anymore. He’s gone from sleeping until 745 to waking at 6 and screaming at the gate “I NEEED YOOOU” until I get him. He won’t go back in his room without a huge fight and meltdown that wakes his brother (who sleeps til 8 on his own).

I am not a morning person, and waking up to this is putting me in a seriously depressive mood. Especially since I’m losing sleep. I’m 27 weeks pregnant and exhausted, and I’m worried how chaotic mornings are going to be once baby is here.

I try to wake up before him, and it worked for a while where I would get up at 7 and he would wake at 730-745. At least I’d be dressed and my teeth brushed before chaos started. But now I can’t even beat him unless I get up at 530, which is a struggle.

I’m probably going to take the gate off the hall soon because it’s more hassle than it’s worth now, but that means he’s waking me up still at 6. I know baby will have me up at odd hours but having to have him coming in and throwing his fits (hungry but doesn’t want food, is clearly tired but won’t sleep anymore, into everything while I try to get dressed) while I’m nursing baby and getting up is making me dread things to come.

What do your wake ups look like? Any advice?

 

[katrina2017]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology We have 5 kids, 4 of them share a room, oldest is 6m, then 4f, 3m and 21 months male. We used to have mornings like you described, loud, doors opening and closing loudly, woken in the 5-5:30 time frame each day. We want them to come out when their hatch changes from red to green at 6:30am. They go down at 6:30pm, and are probably asleep 11 out of the 12 hours.

What worked for us was offering a reward for the behavior we wanted. Our kids aren’t food motivated, we use Lego for rewarding chores, so we use screen time to reward staying in their room quietly until 6:30. During the summer after the 5th baby was born this was a full movie (more screen time than we wanted but we were exhausted). Now that school has resumed for the older 3 and the habit is established, an episode of Bluey (only 7 minutes!) still does the trick, and mom and dad get to sleep until our alarms wake us up. Glorious.

We struggled with this like you did until we asked a friend who specializes in Applied Behavioral Therapy (ABT) so if you want more details you might use that as a search term. She works wonders with very difficult children in schools. I wouldn’t call my kids very difficult (most days, lol) but the oldest has ADHD as do I, and some of the younger kids show signs of it but are too young to have been diagnosed. So our situation isn’t perfect as far as neurotypical behavior is concerned and this still worked great for us.

Good luck!

 

[jaylee]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology I have been a night person since I can remember. & up until 2020 I worked nights. But now the twins are here & I'm a sahm/student so I forced myself to be on their schedule. A lot of times I'm still fuzzy during the day and "come alive" at night, but I have to get up when the 1 year old twins do. I had a different schedule with the older 3 kiddos, but that's been over a decade now. Good luck Mama, & Death Wish coffee seems to do the trick if you need.

 

[garrison]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology I'm not a morning person. I have 3 children. My husband is a morning person. So, he wakes up with the kids, even as babies/toddlers. He would feed them, change them and then put them in their bed again before he left for work. And for toddlers, he would put them in our room with toys, in a safe space, before leaving for work.

Now he gets up and takes them to school. Thankfully he works from home now. And I am so grateful for my amazing husband taking over the morning routine because he knows I am not a morning person.

 

[chappen]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology I was a night owl as a teen and and as a young adult (even while having young children). I wasn't sleeping past 7ish with young children, but I made myself make a switch to morning person after #2 arrived. It wasn't fun with years of having stayed up reading until 11 or later, but going to bed at 9 and getting up by 6 became easier. Now, I really enjoy getting up with my husband, though I do "sleep in" until 6 or 6:30- I'm 31 weeks pregnant and tired.

A little advice for your 3 yo: I've had 2 of those types of kids, and every night I set up toys or ade activities that they hadn't seen in a week across from their bedroom door. In the morning, it bought me about 30 minutes of quiet. I'd pack the toys away sometime around lunch and pull them out again, at random, about a week later.

It's all a season. 3 yo will be sleeping again or will learn to self-occupy, and you'll someday (I promise) laugh about the craziness of this time and tell 3yo stories of the wild things they did and said at 6 in the morning. Find something soothing to do for you (hot tea?) in the morning while 3 yo is being 3.

 

[cptbobproffesoromemeology]

@chappen I leaned into it this morning (mindset it powerful). Removed the gate last night and the kids barreled in to wake us up (at 7 thankfully, bless the 6-7 hour of sleep). Older one had already pooped and tried to clean himself and came in to get himself cleaned up fully, and younger one just was along for the party.

I think I’m going to start making their milk and snack and put it in the fridge so older can get their snacks out in the morning. Hopefully mornings can be different, but calm, by the time the baby comes so I’m not needed right away as soon as the older ones wake up

 

[chappen]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology Mindset is the way!

 

[renob]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology I'm also not a morning person! I used to be able to be up earlier than them, but now, not so much.

1) Can Dan run blocker? At least a few mornings? My husband gets their breakfast together so they know to just head to the kitchen in the AM now. Even if he has to head to work early, at least something is waiting for them. This buys me a fair bit of time most mornings.

2) I was largely against screens until my second turned 18 months and I just couldn't get a break anymore so, I get if you're hesitant, but many times I can get a whole hour of extra sleep if I just let them lay in my bed with a movie on.

Best of luck to you! Mornings can be rough.

 

[missh84]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology I hear you! Juggling different ages and schedules can be so tough. At least it sounds like you’re flexible and resourceful, which is half the battle in my house! Hah

So what I did, and this is just to give you an idea… The house we lived in had paper thin walls. I was a very light sleeper. The newborn went to bed at 3am and my 18 month old started waking up at 6am. I was a mess! But what ended up working was putting on a dvd of his favorite show and giving him a granola bar for breakfast. Then I would lay down again. The granola bar dealt with the grumpiness in the morning and watching tv actually eased my kiddo into the day. If you’re a deep sleeper, this might not be a great solution. But if kiddo doesn’t know how to occupy himself, this might be a good time to start working on that. You know what your kids are capable of, so obviously if this is a recipe for disaster, you won’t want to copy it exactly. But it sounds like you’re close to a solution since you already know what Doesn’t work!

 

[adebayo1]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology We put a small mattress on the floor in our room. If they woke in the middle of the night or early morning and needed someone, they could come to “their” bed in our room. Did this for multiple kids over the years and it reduced the angry, early wake-up’s quite a bit. They all eventually outgrew it and stay all night in their own rooms now.

 

[cptbobproffesoromemeology]

@adebayo1 What about not quite “middle” of the night, just early morning? I try letting him come to my bed and he just asks for 1000 things and tries to go through husbands nightstand. I eventually give up and get up with him

 

[adebayo1]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology Lol! Sounds quite restful! What is his overall daily sleep amount? Does he nap?

 

[cptbobproffesoromemeology]

@adebayo1 He doesn’t nap anymore, which is when we started falling apart. He goes down around 8-830 (we start bedtime at 7-730 and can’t really manage any earlier, he just won’t take to any earlier) and sleeps to 6-730. Lately 545-6 most mornings. So 10 ish hours daily? He acts TIRED most days, but I cannot get him to nap, or sleep in, or go to bed early. I’d really be fine with him waking so early, and I’d adapt, if he was thriving. But he’s not, he wakes early and is an emotional mess, and with me not sleeping as much either it’s just a struggle right now

 

[ladel]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology Some thoughts:

Put a tiny potty in his room so he can go if it’s an emergency? Or work on more independent big toilet skills so he can poop by himself?

Make it a behavioral issue. He can be up before his hatch turns green, but he needs to stay in a certain area and play quietly. He cannot wake you or little sibling. There might be a few days where he puts up a fight and wakes little brother, but a few days of more chaos might yield a whole future of less chaos and more sleep. Establish consequences if he breaks the rules.

 

[cptbobproffesoromemeology]

@ladel We tried the potty and my 1 year old is disgusting

I think behavioral is the approach, but he is extremely stubborn and we really struggle with enforcing anything. Eventually things click, but it takes MONTHS of reinforcement. That’s where we’re at now I think, just waiting on it to click.

We’re considering part time daycare for one or both of them,l because I’m burnt out and getting heavily pregnant, so if we go that route I’m sure our whole routine will look much different anyways. I hate that it’s come to this because I do love spending the day with them, I’m just burning the candle from both ends and the lack of sleep/rest is causing me to be a crap mom who just has no patience

 

[jespy]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology Oh my goodness... If you can afford some daycare, do it! I'm currently on mat leave with #3. Our older 2 do so much better having a routine out of the house and with other people - everyone is happier. I have (had) slight guilt, but the reality is that we're all better off with them having some opportunities outside of the house where they are more the focus (our daycare worker is phenomenal), they have friends to learn with and play with, and then I get to actually enjoy my time with newborn and my last mat leave. I get some uninterrupted baby snuggles and they're worth every penny... You can blink and miss this stage otherwise, and I want to cherish every second.

The mornings are the hardest... My 5 year old is super easy, gets up, gets herself dressed, eats a banana independently, and either chooses to play with her toys or watch/play on her tablet. It's wonderful. My 19 month old is a mess. She wakes up screaming most days, refuses to play independently 9/10 times (sometimes my older will climb in the crib to play with hr, which helps, but I can't expect that of her every morning), and she is the hangriest human I've ever encountered... Like, as soon as her tray is done the food that's on it, the anger of not immediately having the next serving of food prepared and there for her, just overtakes her. My husband goes to the gym in the mornings (for his health, so I'll never ask him to stop, and I'd rather mornings than losing time with him for dinners after work, or our only alone (+ baby) time in the evenings), so I'm all alone in the mornings.

After a night of broken sleep with the newborn and then having to deal with all 3 of them in the mornings (also, I used to go to bed earlier, but newborns are notorious night owls), I am exhausted. The only thing that makes it manageable is some daycare respite.

Do the daycare if you can afford it. It's so worth it.

 

[cptbobproffesoromemeology]

@jespy We got a STUPID deal on daycare. Like it’s ridiculous how cheap it is (because I worked there for 10 years and the owner loves me and still asks me to come back, which isn’t happening for a very long time lol) but she made things happen for us. Offered part time, which they don’t do, and is charging me only half price of ONE kids tuition, for BOTH kids. I was floored when she came back with the price, so it’s a no brainer at this point.

We are going to start visiting next week. My oldest is scared but im hoping if I ease into it he will adjust fine and not feel like im abandoning him. I’m really hoping it improves our time together since I won’t feel so drained. They’re going to go 3 days a week and I’m looking for uninterrupted gym time and baby snuggles!

 

[stateemil]

@cptbobproffesoromemeology I am so not a morning person. Especially when I have a kid not STTN, which I have currently. All of my kids have gone through very, very early morning phases, which is absolute torture. lol They’re unfortunately all unpredictable in their sleep, and the younger ones can be up for the day any time between 5a-9a.

During the school year, I set an alarm to be up to get the oldest up and ready, but am often up with someone else earlier. I basically sleep until someone wakes or the alarm goes off. But I’m a SAHM so don’t have the pressure of also getting myself ready and out on a schedule. Depending on the day, my husband is up as early as 330/4a. I generally don’t sleep well after he leaves, but I’m definitely still in bed as long as I can be resting.

One day I’d like to get back to getting up before the kids to exercise and shower, but that time is not now!