I already know about the r/fencesitter community — but I’m interested to hear from people here who have decided YES but are still waiting to try. It’s something I’ve been grappling with but we do have a timeline in place now and as we get closer I’m feeling my feet get cold. I thought people here might be able to offer a perspective I haven’t heard (it’s usually fencesitters or parents I’m talking with)
How do you know you want a child?
- Thread starter coconut85
- Start date
-
- Tags
- waiting for baby
@coconut85 I am one of those people that hasn’t always ~loved~ kids and babies, but I know in my heart that I will be obsessed with my own.
To me, I think it is so so so special that one day there will be a little piece of myself and a little piece of my husband in this world and I just want to raise them up to be a really kind person.
To me, I think it is so so so special that one day there will be a little piece of myself and a little piece of my husband in this world and I just want to raise them up to be a really kind person.
prudence12
New member
@coconut85 I've always wanted to have a child. I think back when I was a child, it just seemed like the natural thing to do. But now that my husband and I are very close to starting to try, we've thought more about why we want children.
Personally, I am looking forward to basically watching a baby figure out how to be a good, little human: I am looking forward to teaching them things and watching them explore things on their own. I am looking forward to sharing both of our cultures with a child and having it experience two different cultures and languages. And I am looking forward to teaching it good values.
Personally, I am looking forward to basically watching a baby figure out how to be a good, little human: I am looking forward to teaching them things and watching them explore things on their own. I am looking forward to sharing both of our cultures with a child and having it experience two different cultures and languages. And I am looking forward to teaching it good values.
nathanielames
New member
@coconut85 I think anyone who wants a kid but has no experience with kids should go get some experience. I’ve been an infant nanny, a preschool teacher, a kindergarten teacher, a fifth grade teacher, and a camp counselor for teens. I love kids of all ages, love spending time with kids, love caring for kids, love staying home with kids…and I hate going out at night!
Sooooo many of my friends are having kids right now, and a lot of them have never been alone with a baby or in charge of a child before. A lot of them think they’re going to keep their same lifestyle after their kid is born.
I’ve only had one person actually tell me they regret having a child, and I knew they would because during the pregnancy, they kept insisting that that they were going to keep going out at night and living the same life they used to, and the baby would just come with them.
Society tells us that everyone (or at least all women!) should have kids, and that’s so untrue. Having a kid is a life choice, like…being a competitive swimmer or living on a farm or having your tongue split like that snake person who goes viral sometimes. And it’s a choice that changes every aspect of your day and your life.
Sooooo many of my friends are having kids right now, and a lot of them have never been alone with a baby or in charge of a child before. A lot of them think they’re going to keep their same lifestyle after their kid is born.
I’ve only had one person actually tell me they regret having a child, and I knew they would because during the pregnancy, they kept insisting that that they were going to keep going out at night and living the same life they used to, and the baby would just come with them.
Society tells us that everyone (or at least all women!) should have kids, and that’s so untrue. Having a kid is a life choice, like…being a competitive swimmer or living on a farm or having your tongue split like that snake person who goes viral sometimes. And it’s a choice that changes every aspect of your day and your life.
@coconut85 I’ve had a strong desire for children since I was like 3 years old. It’s always been the one thing I’ve wanted more than anything else in life. The number one goal and most fulfilling goal for me has always been to be a mother. I adore children. I just find them delightful and adorable. They’re just so lovely and sweet, hard to explain. The cuteness is similar to how a lot of people think puppies/kittens are cute, but there’s also something so lovely about kids. I feel like they’re just really sweet and like- ahhh I can’t think of the word. Like they have an altruistic nature to them? I’m blanking on a way to describe it, it’s just a feeling that evokes a desire in me to care for them and protect them. I’ve done a lot of work in childcare. I have a lot of patience for them. I just have a really strong maternal instinct. I cannot wait to have kids lol.
I had a very abusive childhood and I think part of my strong desire also stems from wanting to give a child the childhood I never had. That’s definitely a secondary part of the goal. I just want to give my child a really wonderful life. I want to parent them really well and make them feel loved and validated and cared about. And let them blossom into a wonderful happy person. And then do that 3x. It will be the greatest accomplishment of my life to be able to give children a supportive happy home that allows them to flourish and develop in a healthy way. And I’m so excited to meet them and watch their personalities grow. I mean- so cool to see them all have different personalities. And so rewarding to see how your care for them makes them happy and allows them to grow
.
So, lol, combo of very strong instinctual maternal desire, finding kids really cute and sweet and having a lot of patience for them because I just see them as young and learning and innocent and in need of care and patience, and wanting to give another child the childhood little me never got to have.
I had a very abusive childhood and I think part of my strong desire also stems from wanting to give a child the childhood I never had. That’s definitely a secondary part of the goal. I just want to give my child a really wonderful life. I want to parent them really well and make them feel loved and validated and cared about. And let them blossom into a wonderful happy person. And then do that 3x. It will be the greatest accomplishment of my life to be able to give children a supportive happy home that allows them to flourish and develop in a healthy way. And I’m so excited to meet them and watch their personalities grow. I mean- so cool to see them all have different personalities. And so rewarding to see how your care for them makes them happy and allows them to grow
. So, lol, combo of very strong instinctual maternal desire, finding kids really cute and sweet and having a lot of patience for them because I just see them as young and learning and innocent and in need of care and patience, and wanting to give another child the childhood little me never got to have.
samiwhitie
New member
you’re going to be a wonderful parents and your kiddos will be so lucky to have you!@samiwhitie Awww nice to know I’m not alone!! ) (except for the whole trauma part, sorry about that similarity! 
) thank you so much for saying that, I really really really hope I can be
) (except for the whole trauma part, sorry about that similarity! ) thank you so much for saying that, I really really really hope I can be@coconut85 I used to want to be childfree, now 2 seems okay.
- Financial stability
- My husband picking up slack around the house
- Work-life balance
samiwhitie
New member
@coconut85 I don’t remember a time where I haven’t wanted children, I’ve always had very strong maternal feelings and felt that little people instantly feel safe around me. I have younger siblings who I took on a lot of the parenting duties for, have worked with children with special needs and babysat, and every experience I’ve had with a child I have genuinely loved.
As somebody said above, I want to give my children the childhood I never had. I also think in many ways that being in a childlike state is the most beautiful, natural way to be, and that we lose so much of the joy of life through what we go through and trying to be as adult as possible. I guess I had to do that younger than many, but I look forward to embracing that part of me more and more whilst doing all the things children naturally do like being in the moment, being un self conscious, seeing the beauty and wonder and magic.
I used to have some reservations about the medical side due to unresolved traumas but I’ve worked on this a lot and I can honestly say I’m now excited for each part, even the birth.
I just want to be totally clear that you could be excited for one part and not another and still be an incredible parent. And feeling this way now won’t automatically mean I’ll enjoy everything as much as I have in my head - I’m not naive about the journey ahead and how much of it is unknown. I can only speak to the feelings I have now though and there is nothing in I’m more certain about then wanting to be a mother.
As somebody said above, I want to give my children the childhood I never had. I also think in many ways that being in a childlike state is the most beautiful, natural way to be, and that we lose so much of the joy of life through what we go through and trying to be as adult as possible. I guess I had to do that younger than many, but I look forward to embracing that part of me more and more whilst doing all the things children naturally do like being in the moment, being un self conscious, seeing the beauty and wonder and magic.
I used to have some reservations about the medical side due to unresolved traumas but I’ve worked on this a lot and I can honestly say I’m now excited for each part, even the birth.
I just want to be totally clear that you could be excited for one part and not another and still be an incredible parent. And feeling this way now won’t automatically mean I’ll enjoy everything as much as I have in my head - I’m not naive about the journey ahead and how much of it is unknown. I can only speak to the feelings I have now though and there is nothing in I’m more certain about then wanting to be a mother.
@coconut85 I don’t know how I just…. Know.
I have a skill set that I know lends itself to parenting. I babysat growing up, I was a nanny in college, and I was a special Ed teacher for six years. Children have just always been part of my life, and I am very naturally nurturing. It has never been an if, always a when.
I know that’s not the case for everyone… my sister for example wasn’t sure. She’s not the same nurturing personality as me and that’s okay. I think she would say that for her, she knew she wanted the experience of raising a child and carrying on her legacy. She is heavily involved in the softball world and knew she wanted to coach her kids sports and take her kids on trips and just experience the world through their eyes. She just had her second (and last) baby two days ago.
I have a skill set that I know lends itself to parenting. I babysat growing up, I was a nanny in college, and I was a special Ed teacher for six years. Children have just always been part of my life, and I am very naturally nurturing. It has never been an if, always a when.
I know that’s not the case for everyone… my sister for example wasn’t sure. She’s not the same nurturing personality as me and that’s okay. I think she would say that for her, she knew she wanted the experience of raising a child and carrying on her legacy. She is heavily involved in the softball world and knew she wanted to coach her kids sports and take her kids on trips and just experience the world through their eyes. She just had her second (and last) baby two days ago.
onthemoors
New member
@coconut85 Having the right partner and confidence in your relationship is a big one for me. I also want to experience as much out of life as I can, and when I think about whether kids would be a positive or negative to that, I see it more as a positive. I am also a teacher and have worked with all ages Pre-K through 12th grade, and my husband loves kids.
The hardest part for me is fear of the unknown and the stress that it will add, BUT seeing friends and colleagues maintain a career and enjoy their children has made me feel more relaxed about the whole thing. I think it felt scarier before friends and colleagues started having kids. Now it feels like I can do it too, and I would have people to talk to or go to for things (rather than feeling alone).
The hardest part for me is fear of the unknown and the stress that it will add, BUT seeing friends and colleagues maintain a career and enjoy their children has made me feel more relaxed about the whole thing. I think it felt scarier before friends and colleagues started having kids. Now it feels like I can do it too, and I would have people to talk to or go to for things (rather than feeling alone).
@coconut85 It was never a desire for me to have children as a child myself, I wanted to see the world instead. But I met my fiancé and I now have this biological desire slash psychic almost sense that this is the father of my future child (I definitely want one but I’m fence sitting on a second).
@coconut85 For me it’s just a feeling and longing. Similar to when I fell in love with partner and I knew I loved him and want to be with him. I long to feel the love and the joy from carrying and birthing a baby. I know it’s not all a walk in the park and I probably have to wait a while anyway!
@coconut85 I haven’t always felt the need. I grew up knowing I wanted to be a professional and educated. I didn’t always know I wanted to be a mom, I knew it was gonna happen, but didn’t know when. I always thought around 35 years old or so. But, I got married at 26, and somewhere around 28 (I am 29 now) I felt the longing to be a mom. I would say it increases more and more each day. We are set to TTC January 2024, and as the time goes by I can’t wait. I’ve post poned a couple times and I’m so happy I did, because now I feel ready. I don’t know how to explain it, but when you’re ready you’ll know.
@coconut85 I look at babies and heart feels like it’s going to explode. lol
I don’t enjoy partying and I’m very much a homebody, so I love the idea of having a tiny human to take care of. Plus, my family on my side is a disaster. My mom passed when I was 15 and my dad is at this point non existent and I want the complete opposite for my future babies and I’m just excited to provide for a family and all that.
I don’t enjoy partying and I’m very much a homebody, so I love the idea of having a tiny human to take care of. Plus, my family on my side is a disaster. My mom passed when I was 15 and my dad is at this point non existent and I want the complete opposite for my future babies and I’m just excited to provide for a family and all that.