How do you do it

@lisa79 I am going to second working out at home. Prior to the pandemic, I hated doing it. Now, I love it. Apps to check out: Obe’, Nike Training, and Alo. Obe’ and Alo cost around $20 per month, and Nike Training is free. If you have room, and/or can afford it, the Lululemon Mirror and Peloton are awesome! Most of these options are cheaper than an annual gym membership, and you don’t need to stress getting to the gym. Just a thought.

From a teacher’s perspective, I presume your daughter is in Kindergarten (she’s 5…??). Most schools (public and private, where I live and teach) offer before and after school programs for working parents. They start as early as 6:00 AM and go until 6:00 PM. They’re not free, BUT, I do know that parents can apply for a reduced rate (based on income). I know many single parents who don’t pay the fee, at all. There are discounts for certain professions, as well (public service jobs - police, etc, military personnel, so on). You can set specific days of the week, and do drop ins. You need to ask the school about this. If it’s available to you, I strongly encourage it. Your daughter will likely be with classmates, and some older kids who can’t be home alone (due to age and safety). In the district my daughter attends school in, each school offers this on site (9 schools, in total). So, there’s no shuffling kids from one building to another. Once the bell rings, they’re escorted to their classrooms.

Hope this helps! Something to check into!
 
@oswald3%C3%A1 Wow I’ll check into the before school program! I had no idea that might be an option! Yes she’s in kindergarten. I’ll also look into the mirror; I’m not a fan of the peloton bikes but the mirror might work! Thank you so much!
 
@oswald3%C3%A1 I am going to second working out at home. Prior to the pandemic, I hated doing it. Now, I love it. Apps to check : Obe’, Nike Training, and Alo. Obe’ and Alo cost around $20 per month, and Nike Training is free. If you have room, and/or can afford it, the Lululemon Mirror and Peloton are awesome! Most of these options are cheaper than an annual gym membership, and you don’this. If it’s available to you, I strongly encourage it. Your daughter will likely be with classmates, and some older kids who can’t be home alone (due to age and safety). In the district my daughter attends school in, each school offers this on site (9 schools, in total). So, there’s no shuffling kids from one building to another. Once the bell rings, they’re escorted to their classrooms.
E_J_90s_Kid•2d
Hope this helps!t need to stress getting to the gym. Just a thought.

From a teacher’s perspective, I presume your daughter is in Kindergarten (she’s 5…??). Most schools (public and private, where I live and teach) offer before and after school programs for working parents. They start as early as 6:00 AM and go until 6:00 PM. They’re not free, BUT, I do know that parents can apply for a reduced rate (based on income). I know many single parents who don’t pay the fee, at all. There are discounts for certain professions, as well (public service jobs - police, etc, military personnel, so on). You can set specific days of the week, and do drop ins. You need to ask the school about Something to check into!want to opt-out, download and install the extension for your web browser. In order to function, this. If it’s available to you, I strongly encourage it. Your daughter will likely be with classmates, and some older kids who can’t be home alone (due to age and safety). In the district my daughter attends school in, each school offers this on site (9 schools, in total). So, there’s no shuffling kids from one building to another. Once the bell rings, they’re escorted to their classrooms.
E_J_90s_Kid•2d
Hope this helps!
 
@lisa79 I work from home a few days a week and do lunchtime runs or peloton rides. On weekends I might go for a run but my older child (14) can watch the little one (5).
If you can at least get out for a lunch walk that will count for something. Maybe yoga or Pilates at home after bedtime?
 
@lisa79 It's okay 🫂 Your employer will be more understanding than you think, probably. As long as you're honest about your situation and professional.
Enjoy the holiday season, this journey will have its ups and downs but you'll have an even closer relationship with your daughter 🥰 I'll be praying for you and your family
 
@lisa79 I have a part time job and have taken on carpooling other kids with my kiddo. If you know a classmate family who you can drop off your daughter early, then they can take your daughter to school with their child, this can be a great solution. Please compensate the family though, cause I’m not being compensated all the time.
 
@lisa79 I mean I’m not sure you’ll like the answer to this… I used to wake up and go to the gym at 5 am also, and I haven’t been to a gym since the divorce. It’s just not possible mainly because of childcare. I already feel guilty having them in daycare while I work. Any free time I get with them I want to spend with them and not in a gym. It’s all about finding a balance. But the reality is that it’s hard. And your self care and your needs become last and hard to take care of. You have to get creative! As far as cost of living. We live in a 2 income world, so living off one income is also hard and stressful!
 
@lisa79 If you share custody with the father, things will be much easier. You can go to the gym on your kid-free days. Encourage the father to stay in her life.

Unfortunately I was stuck with full custody. I'm lucky if the father visits once every few months. Self-care is non-existent for me. I don't have time for the gym or even a short walk, and it shows. I've gained an upwards of 20 lbs since the separation. Meanwhile the kids' father is in the gym daily - sometimes more than once a day - and he's ripped while I have a "mom body" from all the stress. I also had to give up other self care and de-stressers like reading books. I haven't watched a TV show in many months. All my time is either spent working or taking care of the kids. It's not healthy for me mentally and I boil over often. Then I feel bad.

I figure once the kids are in their late teens I'll finally be able to care for myself. Until then, this is my life. I don't recommend this at all! Please prioritize yourself all you can.
 
@hrmsy Every other weekend would be heavenly for me. Id be working out, relaxing, traveling. My ex actually has the kids right now - for the first time in over a month. I'm spending the day wrapping the kids' presents and preparing their Christmas dinner tomorrow - no self care. Still, it's a relief not to have the responsibility of child care today. But it's disheartening knowing that it will probably be months before he picks them up again.
 
@aether Wow! Glad you're getting a day off but I'm sorry it's not a self care day where you can focus on you, like you deserve! For moms like us, it's always about just getting stuff we can't get done with our kids around. My son's dad is totally uninvolved at this point. Lives hours away so I never get a break from the responsibility. The most I ever get is a couple hours when he goes to a friend's house. I feel really behind in life constantly..had to stay up way too late just to wrap xmas gifts last night. People say oh fit in "me time" when he goes to bed-- like yeah okay because how can I read or write or do any hobbies when I'm exhausted and ready for bed myself?! Sometimes I wonder how long I can do this before I just become resentful and miserable. I feel so cheated.
 
@hrmsy I'm right there with you. My kids' father is living his best life. Works minimally. Has a new wife. Shares a house with new wife. Has endless time for relaxation and self-care.

I don't even have time to meet someone. I tried the dating apps for a very short stint. And I didn't even have time to text guys back. Some got really upset. I figure if I don't even have time to text, how will I ever find time to be in a relationship? It's just another thing I'll have to put off until the kids are old enough to care for themselves.

My kids don't really have friends that they visit. Maybe they're just homebodies, or maybe it's the new normal. But they go on video games and play online with their friends from school. So my house is generally filled with kids screaming at each other on games.

I'm perpetually exhausted. I also can't just stay up and do my hobbies since I never get enough sleep. Reading is impossible when we're this tired.

I'm already at the point where I feel resentful and miserable. Especially toward my ex. This isn't how I planned my life to go. Admittedly, I ignored a lot of red flags with him and should have realized he wasn't the type of guy to raise a family.

Hopefully both of us will get a chance to relax one day soon and karma will stick our ex's in caretaker roles. 😅
 
@aether Man, you're 100% preaching! I can relate to all of these things. It's hard out here 🥲 my ex is already experiencing personal karma but refuses to realize that all of the bad things that keep happening to him are his own fault. He continues to blame others and shirk his responsibility in life. It's pathetic. The worst part is he thinks he's doing fine and is a good person. It's like sorry bro, but if you don't provide for your kids you simply don't fit into the good person category. Funnily enough he's a terrible, mean person aside from the fact he doesn't care for his child so it's maddening to deal with and I had to cut all contact to stay sane. Pretty sure he's a textbook narcissist.
 
@aether At this point we need a single moms group IRL. I hear this and feel this from so many women online and we all seem lilenwe could benefit from community. Well still have struggle but my God is it easier sometimes when you have someone else to weather it through with.
 
@lisa79 I belong to the YMCA, where they have drop off childcare. You may be able to apply for income based membership or free membership. I also go for a short run before they wake up or while they are at school and I'm working from home that day. There are lots of home workouts you can do where you don't need equipment. Look them up on YouTube.
 
@lisa79 My daughter is seven now and I’ve been doing things solo for the past three years. I had to rework all my hobbies to be in home hobbies, usually after bed time. Sign your kid up for after/before school care. The wait list could be super long though, like over a year where I am. So talk to your employer, cause for a while… you are going to be late. As for financial stress, it’s going to suck. I am constantly worried about money and losing my job. I don’t have any suggestions around that other than trimming anything you can off your monthly expenses.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top