How do night shifts work with a newborn?

[katiejadam]

@perfectlove25 We did shifts, and I was an exclusive pumper. So what worked for us was I would go to bed around 8, and husband would be on duty until 2-3 a.m., and then I'd be on duty from then until morning. I still had to wake up and pump but if it was during my husband's shift, he would be responsible for feeding, changing, rocking and cleaning my pump parts and putting away my milk. Yes, it sort of does suck because I'm still awake regardless but not for nearly as long and I got to mostly stay in bed. While I was awake, I tried to not watch screens because that's not great for your sleep either. I'd read or listen to an audio book, I love my ear buds for that.

 

[wideopenheart]

@perfectlove25 When I breast fed baby woke up every 2 hours. My husband got her up and changed her diaper before I fed her. Then I fed and put her back to sleep. I didn’t pump over night unless I felt engorged. I moved to exclusively pumping because we had latch issues and it was painful. I would pump every 3 hours and my husband would bottle feed when she woke up. My baby ended up with a lactose intolerance and soy allergy so we had to move her to an amino based formula. I’m not a good eater to begin with so cutting foods from my diet wouldn’t have been good for me. My suggestion is to be prepared for changes if necessary. It takes a few weeks to get a good idea of how your baby will eat and what works for you. I never do anything other than feed when I’m up with baby. No tv no lights. We have a red night light on the sound machine to see what we are doing and get right back to sleep. Also if your planning on breast feeding get lots of snacks for your bedside and feeding areas. I was super hungry when I breast fed.

 

[kww]

@perfectlove25 Until my LO was above birth weight I breast fed whenever he asked. That first week I was so sleep deprived the walls were moving. Once he hit birth weight again, I pumped at 730pm and my husband did an 8-12 shift so I can get an uninterrupted sleep. I do not go too long without pumping because I do not want to mess up my supply too much so I try to max seep for 4 hours and have small naps during his other sleep times, but he seems to always be wife awake from 8-12. My one pump at 730 gives me about 5oz and he eats it all and then I feed him again at 12 when I get up!

Alot of people worry about nipple confusion, we introduced bottles/soothers at 2 weeks and it was fine, it was not sustainable for me to not get a solid stretch of sleep and I was losing it mentally so we do the two bottles a day. there has been no issue, however he did not have latch issues at all even from day one so it wasn’t a huge concern for us.

 

[daytek]

@perfectlove25 Youll still have to wake to pump when your husband is feeding bub to maintain supply but it means you do a quick pump and go to bed whilst he is burping, settling.

Here is our routine

I go to bed at 8.30 having fed her at 8. Husband burps and settles

11.30 she wakes, husband feeds her expressed bottle. He wakes me so i can pump. Takes me 20 mins to pump and stick in fridge.

12.30 baby is fed, burped, nappy changed and settled to sleep. Husband puts her in bassinet and joins me in sleep. During his shift depending on him he either stays a wake or sleeps on the couch with her in a spare bassinet next to him.

2.30 or 3 she wakes up. I start my shift. Nappy, feed, burp settle takes 45mins to 1 hr. Im back asleep by 4.

5.30 - 6 she wakes up again. Still me

 

[outlawingrace]

@perfectlove25 We are doing this now (9 week old).

I go to bed around 9 (I phone for a bit), husband stays up with baby and they both fall asleep downstairs. Husband does the first feed usually and they both fall back asleep. Second wake is like between 2-4am and he brings baby up to me to nurse and then I take over.

We do combo feeding. Sometimes husband gives him a formula bottle, lately it's been a pumped bottle since I need to pump right before I go to bed if I am not feeding until 2am. So I pump and leave the milk out for him (I assume baby will eat within 4 hours, otherwise he puts it in the fridge). You don't NEED to get up and pump, depends on how your supply is and what you want to do - we are combo feeding so I don't care to do a MOTN pump (I did with my first baby, but now I want sleep).

I phone while I am up nursing baby. My husband watches the walking dead. I also sometimes use my kindle. You could listen to podcasts with head phones.

 

[godgirl13]

@perfectlove25 we had three adults, incl my mom. we did husband on from 6-12, then it was me til morning, then my mom took over. baby won’t be bothered by TV or noises. we EFF and it meant i got longer stretches of sleep.

 

[aiden92]

@perfectlove25 I still woke up and pumped. When doing shifts if it was my shift I'd sleep and tend to LO when up and crying

 

[promise28]

@perfectlove25 This is gunna sound a little crazy but it worked for us. During the first couple weeks when LO was eating every 2-3hrs (I’m EBF and my supply has always been just enough so pumping for bottles for my husband to feed is hard) we would settle in for the night and every 1.5hrs. ish we would swap shifts. During my shift I would feed/burp/pump/rock to sleep with Netflix on in the background and my husband would sleep. Then I’d wake him up and pass off baby he would normally stay up and watch tv or play the switch so baby could contact nap so I would have the most uninterrupted sleep I could. We are both pretty good at sleeping anywhere so we both just stayed in our room together for this. But if someone was a light sleeper it might be that the awake person and baby might need to relocate.

Once baby started sleeping better in his bassinet and going more like 4 hrs at night between feeds which was around 3-4weeks we stopped doing shifts and just all slept and then I woke up to feed/pump and my husband would get up if I needed help. Until my husband went back to work at 7weeks he was the one to sleep by the bassinet so he handled fussy “I lost the pacifier” wakes since I was getting up to feed/pump. After he went back to work I took all the nights but he still steps way up on the weekends.

 

[spinuscyn]

@perfectlove25 So I didn’t have a c section but I had a 4th degree tear as well as multiple vaginal and cervical tears so the recovery has been similar to a c section (limited mobility, but I am able to lift more than if I had a c section). Here’s what we have been doing (3 week old now, and I will say we’re spoiled with a good sleeper that we have to actually wake up for feeds at night)
First week/1.5 weeks - feed every 3 hours - husband would wake up and change her and get bottle ready while I got a pump in (not always a full pump but at least 10-15 min) at midnight, 3 and 6. After he changed her I would bottle feed her and settle her back to bed - he would get a little more sleep than me because he could sleep while I fed but I couldn’t sleep while he got her ready for me due to pumping, but I would then take naps during the day while she napped

1.5 ish weeks on - we decided to switch off on feedings. So one person does midnight and 6, the other does 3 am. Whoever is “on” does the changing and bottle making too. So each of us gets a solid like 5-6 hours of sleep. As for pumping. If I have the midnight/6 I’ll pump after I feed her at those times. If I have the 3- I will pump around 10, then go to bed til 3 and pump after. Some days I’m extra tired and skip a pump, usually just ends in me waking up with wet boobs but nothing worse than that luckily lol. I’ll also add that whoever does the 3 am feeding sleeps in until 9 or so (it’s 10:15 and my husbands still sleeping because it’s Saturday and ya gotta take it when ya can!!)

Like I said we have a good sleeper so this may not work with a not so great sleeper, but we also are flexible, so sometimes if she just won’t settle after the midnight feeding, we end up staying up until the 3 am, and then we just change the alarm for the other person and let them sleep and take over for the next feeding if that makes sense

ETA: we primarily use formula at night because by the end of the day I don’t produce enough milk to last all night, and we bottle fed from the beginning

 

[whispersinthewind]

@perfectlove25 We would do 5 hours on, 5 hours off. I’d pump before I went to sleep in my shift and dad would feed the bottle or give formula if she needed more food. I BF during my shifts.

 

[sadume]

@perfectlove25 Feeding or pumping while your husband feeds every 2-3 hours (I honestly never really got the hang of pumping so he could feed). My husband stayed up with me while I fed. I'd feed our son on one side, burp him, my husband would change his diaper (helped to wake him up a little), and then I'd feed him on the other side. I tracked my feedings in an app.

The first six weeks were really hard. I'd really only think about what will make you comfortable during this time. So, comfy pjs, a large water bottle by the bed that your husband could help by keeping it filled for you, snacks next to the bed (breastfeeding makes me so hungry), Lansinoh Soothies for sore nipples (I'd put a little lanolin cream and then cover with these), take a breastfeeding class, and have a plan to consult with a lactation consultant (mine came to my house and she was really helpful).

My baby is six months old now, and I finally started to enjoy breastfeeding around month three, and I'm grateful I stuck with it (recently we all caught RSV and the doctor told us it was great that I was breastfeeding). Some women never really get there, and that's okay. Breastfeeding can be really hard on a woman's mental health. If you end up feeling that way, I just want to say that there is no shame with deciding to supplement or exclusively formula feed.

 

[christianman79]

@perfectlove25 7w postpartum here, exclusively pumping - I have to get up every 3 hours to pump.
I pump 8x a day: 1am, 4am, 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 10pm.
My husband does the 10pm bottle, I do the overnights, he does the 4am one. I still get up to pump but he gets up to help with the diaper change, grabbing my pump stuff, getting baby back to sleep.
I typically “nap” after my 7pm pump, he wakes me up for the 10pm, so I get a few more hours there.
I plan to do this until around 12w and then start stretching my windows - I don’t want to do it before then because I am a “just enougher” and don’t make excess milk.

 

[inquisitiveyoungone]

@perfectlove25 We had to keep it flexible, but we settled into a sort of routine I’ll share because every family is so different, I think it can be helpful to have lots of ideas to try!
For us, I didn’t want my husband and I to both be too tired during the day. I knew I needed him to be somewhat rested when I needed his support, so it didn’t make sense for us to both wake up every time he needed to feed. Instead, he took the first stretch of the night, then went to sleep and I took the next stretch, until the morning wake up (5ish) and then he’d take him again. If I ever needed night support, he’d take him. During the day, he would take him to give me naps. This only worked because he was on leave too.

 

[spiralaway]

@perfectlove25 My personal experience was that pumping was just not possible that early on. Baby wanted to nurse every 1.5-2hours, so there was no time to pump. Not that that’s everyone’s experience, it just didn’t work out for us. From about 10pm to 2am, my husband would bring her to me in bed and we would nurse/cosleep while he supervised. Then I would get up with her for the early morning feeds and nap in the day (I’m a better napper than he is.)

We were lucky to get some donated breast milk from his sister so he would do one bottle feed in the evenings before I went to bed so I could shower. We bought a small amount of formula too before we got the donated milk. I was initially against it, but it was immensely relieving to get 30-45min to myself every day at that time so I didn’t mind. Even with doing that my supply was unaffected. We’re EBF now at 9 months, hoping to go to age 2!

 

[bridgette26]

@perfectlove25 We do shifts, I (dad) watch her from 830ish til 1ish. Then I sleep from around 230-9. I do not sleep when baby does but my wife will usually get about 2 hours on her shift. It’s just hard for me because I’m using a bottle and it takes time to get it prepared, whereas obviously she can breast feed right after waking. I hate waking up to the baby already crying/fussing then having to make her wait 5-10 mins to prepare and warm up a bottle.

While I am awake, I watch TV on my phone, TikTok, or read/listen to audiobooks with headphones so the room can stay dark. I used to watch TV on the television but I could tell the light flashing and noise would disturb her if she was in an active sleep phase. That will probably vary for each individual baby though

 

[gail17]

@perfectlove25 We did shifts the first few weeks and it was the only way we survived! I would get four hours of uninterrupted sleep 9p-1am (pump right before and right after) and then my husband would sleep. I kept things quiet during my shift so I would also nap if baby would sleep in bassinet in between feedings but oftentimes she just wanted to be held. I was worried about keeping it dark and quiet but I think when they’re that young it doesn’t really matter. My pediatrician was pretty adamant about making sure I get a solid 4 hours each night in order to help with milk production (even if they meant supplementing with formula which luckily I didn’t have to and pumping worked out fine).

 

[peace7]

@perfectlove25 We did shifts and my goal for mom every time she slept was to enable her to sleep for four hours every time she put her head down. She would need to pump breast feed for any time beyond that. It’s important to get at least three just to help yourself heal from the surgery. It did not always work out obviously, but when my wife was more recovered from the surgical stand point we split things into shifts.

 

[jeffhoneyager]

@perfectlove25 Yeah, my wife quit waking up to pump and now her supply is almost zero. We don't split baby duty as she's now a shm.

 

[fpjazyevaz]

@perfectlove25 I'm DOING THIS CURRENTLY.

Shifts was the thing that worked best for my partner. The first 2-3 weeks she didn't want to introduce a bottle so it was really heavy on her and I just supported her by getting her pillows, haaka, drinks, and changing diapers at night.

But after that we did a 9-2 shift and slightly before. She would do a late feeding and I would stay with the baby as long as possible for her to get sleep away from baby (they are noisy).

I work full time at a very high stress job and this is what works best for us. GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP IS CRITICAL IN HOPEFULLY REDUCING PPD. It's gonna happen in many cases but sleep definitely helps.

I currently do 9-3ish now and then my wife will let me take a bit more time in morning (currently on paternity leave) with a 6 week old. But we will continue shifts.

To be honest, it's the most efficient way of making sure each person gets a modicum of sleep and it's not that bad. You'll get used to the reduced sleep schedule.

You're partner being the sole breadwinner is NOT an excuse from night time activities. (I'm the breadwinner) it's their kid too, you CANNOT take it all and it will erode your relationship/perception of your partner if you try.

Communicate your needs. Please please please. For your sake and your partners. You shouldn't need to carry the whole load. You aren't alone and most men want to be there for their wives but don't know what THEIR priorities are.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Edit: my wife is really good at communicating now that we have been through the first kid. She had PPD really bad and felt guilt about "being the perfect mom" or "needing a break" etc. That's where my last paragraph was derived from.

 

[wildcatjim2014]

@perfectlove25 The baby won't develop much circadian rhythm for a few weeks, so entertain yourself however you like/need especially if you need to stay awake for safety.

If you wake up when baby cries you should absolutely be sleeping when they sleep, especially as you're recovering from a csection. It will probably take some time to develop this skill especially as a first time parent. It took me two weeks before I did it once, and I was in week four before I could do it consistently.

Your body will adjust your milk supply to how much demand you give it and taking one 5 hour sleep each day shouldn't hurt but I would google it or check r/breastfeeding to be sure. I know after 6 weeks it is 100% definitely ok to get your longer sleep but I can't remember what the guideline is for being that early.