Holding for Naps

[ladyeag]

Hi All! I did not know what attachment parenting was until a few months into my parenting journey when I realized the choices I was making differed from peers. When I learned the term attachment parenting I was so happy to find this sub of other people w similar parenting style/beliefs.
Here for some advice:
I have an almost 6 month old daughter who we bed-share with at night since about 4 months old. Prior to that she was in a bassinet right next to me. She had been taking naps in our arms, the wrap, occasionally her stroller, and in her bassinet fairly often and easily. When she grew out of the bassinet and moved into bed for nights we brought out a pack n play that we hoped she would take some naps in as an alternative to the bassinet but we were never able to put her down in it without her getting upset.. so all naps have been in our arms the past couple months. I am back to work in 1 week and won’t be able to hold her for naps anymore
I think I have been dragging my feet on a solution because of sadness and guilt about returning to work but now we have 1 week to figure out a hopefully very gentle way to get her napping without being held.
I read “No Cry Sleep Solution” and in the past 3 weeks it has been very helpful with some changes as she previously would mostly feed to sleep and now we can get her down with rocking, walking, shushing pretty easily.. just not put her down. I think I am out of time to make significant progress with the books steps for independent sleep though I am trying.
Does anyone have any ideas, advice, stories of how they would handle this transition.
Thanks in advance!

 

[lovephotography80]

@ladyeag Where/with who will she be napping when you go back to work? Babies are pretty adaptive and resilient and she is likely to figure it out with someone else or in a different setting like daycare.

 

[ladyeag]

@lovephotography80 She will have a nanny for a short period of time and then daycare. During the interview nanny seemed on board/understanding with my unwillingness to sleep train but now that she has been with us a couple weeks continues to be surprised that I hold my baby for naps. I haven’t let her try and give a nap yet. I guess that’s my anxiety about trying to figure it out before she’s in the hands of someone else. But based on what ppl are saying she might be more receptive to being put down by someone else I just hope there aren’t many tears in the process. Thanks for your insight!

 

[innerfire89]

@ladyeag there might be some tears for a while but babies are resilient and will learn. your nanny sounds like my mum - we carry rock and sing to sleep but she puts him down when he’s asleep and pats while i just carry him. she’s also surprised that i carry him. i want to assure you that your baby will learn how to sleep in different ways with different caregivers!! you can keep holding, your nanny can put down, all will work. just make sure your nanny doesn’t do sleep training if you’re uncomfortable with it. it’ll be good don’t worry!!

 

[ladyeag]

@innerfire89 Thanks for your reply! I think I always assume if there are tears it’s sleep training but there is definitely a gray area where she may be uncomfortable but is not being left alone to figure it out and still being comforted just upset... Thats gotta bf better right? I just hope not too many tears I can’t handle it!!

 

[pilgrimparson]

@ladyeag Will she be in daycare? Babies who contact nap at home very often go to daycare and the workers are able to adapt them to crib naps, a whole new environment with new caregivers just makes for a different world and babies that can’t nap alone at home often can at daycare! Personally, I’d continue contact napping while home and let her daycare work on solo naps. Just make sure you have a great daycare lined up for her, but from what I’ve heard most daycares are not going to leave a baby to cry and instead find other solutions. Otherwise if you want to try solo naps at home could you get a pack n play where the side zips open so you could lay with her and roll away when she sleeps? Or just a straight up floor mattress? My son can only nap solo if he is on squishy warm blankets with pillows all around so that he still feels like he’s being held - which of course means I have to stare at him the whole nap so it’s almost pointless haha. But maybe you could start with that and make her spot less and less “squishy” each time?

 

[ladyeag]

@pilgrimparson Thank you! This is reassuring. I did not know that type of pack n play exists going to have to look into that!

 

[katrina2017]

@ladyeag In my experience the caregiver and the baby figure out their own thing together. If the caregiver is someone you trust and understands attachment then that’s a good starting point. My mom was the main babysitter and they took cuddle-naps together for years. The other sitters had their own napping strategies that were all different. One did car rides, another would play my Xbox and my son would sleep next to her on the couch, later with his head in her lap. When he got older he knew what to expect from his sitters.

 

[ladyeag]

@katrina2017 Aw I wish my girl could be doing cuddle naps with her grandma, that’s lovely. Thanks for your insight!

 

[seekingpeace1]

@ladyeag I agree with everyone else. I did the same thing with my daughter until I went back to work when she was 3 months old and she has adapted quite well. Her sitter started out holding her for her full nap time but they have gotten a rhythm together now where my daughter will fall asleep with her sitter and then be put down in a pack and play for the rest of the nap. She still naps with me on the weekends but seems to adjust well to whichever setting she is in (home or sitter’s house). I worried about the same thing just like you and I’m here to tell you it will all work out and your baby will adjust well. You’re doing great!

 

[ladyeag]

@seekingpeace1 Ok I really hope this is how it plays out for us. Thank you!! I think I just need to learn to trust the process and let go (just a little bit)

 

[artislove]

@ladyeag You do not have to figure it out before daycare. With me at home, my baby only contact naps/sleeps. Three days into daycare and she's already up to taking two independent naps. Idk how they're doing it but it's working

 

[ladyeag]

@artislove Thats great they were able to figure it out so fast!

 

[ladyeag]

Same. It’s so nerve wracking

 

[brendamoris]

@ladyeag I was in the same dilemma. My four month old has always slept in our bed. She would only nap for me in a swing when I wasn’t holding her. I was SO worried about daycare because they don’t allow swings. I thought I needed to practice naps before daycare even though I didn’t want to. The daycare assured me not to worry about it. Sure enough after two weeks at daycare they got her to sleep in a pack n play. They started by letting her sleep in a bouncer. I think it’s because my baby can sense that I’m not around and that makes her willing to settle. They don’t let her cry as I feared. My EBF and bed sharing baby has been just fine at daycare. I think my baby acts up more when I’m around because she feels safe around me. At daycare she’s much more chill.

 

[ladyeag]

@brendamoris Yea I think my mommy smell makes mine act crazy

 

[fannypack]

@ladyeag I just want to say I am so relieved to read all these responses saying babies who like to be held will figure out a new way to sleep at daycare without a lot of crying! My almost 6 week old is like this and I've already been anxious about what daycare will be like at 3.5 months.