Hi!!

@followtheshepherd Wow this is making me tear up. Thank you so much, and we want that for him, if by not having a sibling means that we get to keep our strong connection into adulthood I’ll take that a million times over. Your perspective as an only adult really helps me know that this is good. Thank you sincerely
 
@joyathome My friend who is 37 and has a 3 year old decided to try for number 2, she is now pregnant with twins 😬. My stomach dropped at the news and my first thought was one of sympathy. That made me realise im one and done.
 
@andras Ok this is also really true. I’m the oldest and have two siblings and growing up with 3 of us kids I know and have always known that 3 is too many. I saw the stress it out on my parents and even the middle sibling. For me I knew that was never going to be a thing. I’ve seen plenty of families with 3-4 who are doing great and they make it work I just knew that was not going to be mine
 
@joanieb88 I’m the same way. Every step of the way being pregnant and giving birth and having a newborn I had in my head, this is cool and all but I never want to do this again.
 
@joyathome This is an important decision. Try also checking other subreddits for families with multiple children to put things in perspective. Here you'll likely get "it's great to have only one" answers
 
@joyathome My "urge" to have a baby was gone. You know that feeling when you're kid free of wanting a baby soooo badly, like it's all you think about. Once I had my son it was like a literal switch. Sure there are times where I miss a newborn but it's really that I miss my son as a newborn. I don't want another one.
 
@brokenandconfused That’s such a great perspective and thought! It’s not that I have a desire to have a baby it’s more like the picture I thought we would have, and I completely get that the missing of when your kid when younger, I do feel that, like time goes by so fast but not the baby fever I’ve heard others have
 
@joyathome Yes. I have a friend who says she would have baby #4 if she physically could and it's just such a foreign idea for my brain lol. I've said to her sometimes there's days I wish I wanted another one bc sometimes I do think about what our future will look like and I love the idea of a big ol family coming over for holidays n such but the overall commitment just full stops that 🤣. Also another perspective I have...I love the idea of being the landing pad for my son and his friends. So since it seems that I was made to only want one kiddo that leaves space in my heart to be available to other kiddos that may need help along the way. I am 100% okay with being honorary momma to teenagers later.
 
@joyathome I think you should have a strong desire for each kid you have. I really really wanted my first kid. I don’t have that strong desire for another. It’s such a huge commitment that I don’t think ‘I envisioned 2’ or ‘everyone else has 2’ or ‘my kid might like a sibling’ are good enough reasons.
 
@lovedaisies That’s really helpful too, I did have such a strong desire for my first and I really really really wanted a boy - and I got my boy! It’s like everything I ever wanted I now have. If I had a girl first I may have felt differently but because I had a boy my heart was full and everyday I just feel content with our sweet little trio
 
@joyathome My sister has two, we are OAD. She said it made her sad to think of her son being an only. They thought about a third, but she feels done, though my BIL doesn't. I hope my sister puts her foot down and doesn't have a third just to make him happy for a multitude of reasons, but mostly that I think she feels their family is complete and it should be both their decisions.
I literally cannot imagine being pregnant and having a baby again, and our son just hit 6 months. I had a miscarriage about 8 months before getting pregnant with him and I think about that baby every day, but I also think about the fact that had I had that baby I wouldn't have my son today. I finally brought up to my husband that I'd like a ring or necklace with both birthstones (our son's, and the one for the projected due date of the one I miscarried) on it for Mother's Day because I am a mother of two even if I only got to see the one.
I've been told by doctors to wait until our son is a year old for my husband's vasectomy "in case something happens," but I wouldn't want to have another baby if something did happen. I wouldn't ever have a "replacement" child if something happened to him. I might be open to fostering or adopting once I felt I could survive again if we lost our son, but I honestly do not want more children.
I think you just know. I understand there are fencesitters, but I think deep down they know and maybe haven't fully accepted or grieved the idea of the family they had in their mind versus the reality of what their family is. Even when we are happy with something and want something, I think feeling grief and grieving the previous idea of the thing is healthy and normal. I've had to do it a lot in my life.
 
@zachmo This makes complete sense! I am such a planner so the idea that plans change I get but also grieve. I also think there is part of me that is sad because the name of our second kiddo would be my maiden name, so the feeling of loss there. But I also think it’s silly to only have a kid because I really like the name.

When I look at my son I just also can’t imagine changing his world like that right now. The immense love and felt safety we have, the complete feeling.

Thank you for sharing your heart and your situation I do truly believe the necklace with both is such a beautiful thing and I hope he gets that for you. You’re right you do have babies even if you didn’t get to meet one.

Thank you for sharing
 
@joyathome My marriage can't handle another child. So, no I don't think we will have another. I always thought I would have 2. My husband is wonderful and helps out all the time. We both help take care of her. There are just other issues unfortunately 😕.
 
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