Hi!!

@joyathome Yes for sure! It’s hard feeling like every aspect of your life and plans is in limbo because you cannot decide what to do. This particular thread and the comments that have come from it have honestly been some of the most helpful I’ve read in all my time here 🥰
 
@joyathome I did not always plan to be OAD; my husband and I came to the decision about a year before we started trying for our only. I found the books One and Only by Lauren Sandler and the Case for the Only Child to be helpful when I was initially considering it and would recommend them!
 
@joyathome When we had our daughter we found the newborn stage really really really hard. My husband and I swore we'd never do it again and we could not understand how anyone would do it more than once.

When she was a year old I had a life threatening health crisis and the treatment means I can't have kids anymore. For me I feel a bit more of a loss, she is 3 now and it's so much fun, I could see wanting to do it again now if life were different, but at the same time I can also see just wanting to enjoy her, and the freedom we have as she grows older instead of doing it all over again. It's impossible to know how I would feel if I had the option, I guess. My husband still feels adamantly one and done so that makes it easier.

I do think having only one gives us the opportunity to do so much more with her, I can't imagine paying for one more person to fly, go to daycare, enroll in sports and other activities... And we are regaining a social life, if we had another we'd have an even harder time doing things occasionally. It does feel bittersweet to me as people I know start to have their second kids. Oh well!
 
@mathea Also, thank you for your vulnerability with sharing your health scare with me. That also really hits home, there are some health issues on both sides of our family that are genetic and could really change things for us with just a blink of an eye
 
@mathea So true!! What a great perspective! My husband is also completely content with one and done, he has no question, but supports my questions.

I will say the price is really big too. We want to be able to provide the best for him and we want to help pay for college, whatever he chooses to get involved in we don’t want money to be an issue, where I know if we had two we couldn’t offer those things.

And moreso there are plenty of days where I feel like I don’t have enough time to give my son and if I feel that way how can I justify having a second to even split the time more?
 
@joyathome It's what a friend said to me when they made the decision to have another child. They felt there was someone missing at the dinner table. I thought it was a nice way of putting it.
 
@johnjohn74 I knew a family like this too, the mom would actually accidentally set the table for another kiddo. I’ve never felt that at all. I feel complete contentment in the moments, it’s just the “what if stories” in my head, not the real life moments
 
@joyathome Its the little things for example if i go to the grocery store or mall etc and I see ppl with multiple kids, I get a calm sense of relief that I only have one
 
@dwmitch1 Ok this is me all the time! I can’t imagine running errands with two or even doing our morning routine with two. One of us gets ready and the other holds our boy, he gets what we need and we do to. I like the tag team
 
@joyathome My son is 7 but I knew I'd be one and done when my son was a baby because he was very high needs and I have no desire to potentially go through those newborn days again. He was eventually diagnosed with high functioning autism and SPD so I like being able to focus on him 100%. We're content as a family of 3 and I wouldn't want to mess up what we have by bringing another kid into the mix. Plus, my husband and I are pushing 40 and I'm already so tired. Another kid would wreck my mental health.
 
@joyathome I convinced myself from my mid teens to age 30 that I didn’t want children at all. Not even one. Looking at that now, it was the relationship I was in. Once I met my current partner, my view changed and we talked about 2 kids. That left us a 5 year window for both because I didn’t want any after 35. I feel for me personally that’s too old. No judgement if it’s right for someone else but it isn’t for me.

I had my daughter at 32. She’s 8m old now. Pregnancy for me was the worst experience I have ever had. I had hyperemesis gravidarum from week 5 till I delivered at 38+2. I became an insulin dependent diabetic. I suffered from SPD. My mental health spiralled. Her birth was horrendous, which resulted in an emergency c-section. The care in the hospital was awful, so I ended up discharging myself 20 hours after my daughters birth.

I love my child beyond reason, and I’ve been very very lucky. She’s healthy. She’s such a happy little soul. She’s a good feeder, she’s always been such a good sleeper. But she will be an only child because I can NOT put myself through that hell again. I know every pregnancy is different, but for my own mental health, and my child, we are choosing to be one and done.

It’s met a lot of criticism to be honest, Ive been called cruel, been told that my child will suffer, all of that good stuff. It won’t change my mind though, or my partners. Our relationship suffered a lot, we know we wouldn’t make it through another pregnancy. We are happy and strong as a family of three, so it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. We’re happy to make our daughter our priority and put everything into giving her the best life possible.
 
@mangolime17 Thank you so much for sharing this with me! This community has been so warm and welcoming. I’m sorry people have judged your choices and your commitments to your health. I completely understand, respect and support your decisions (not that you need or want a strangers validation). But just wanted you to hear it. Thank you so much for this. It warms my heart to know you are doing what is best for your whole family.
 
@joyathome I’m not a parent, just a 26 y/o only child lol. but don’t ever fear that he will be missing out by not having another sibling. If you choose to not have another child, he will become who he is supposed to be regardless. I have a very unique relationship with my parents that I believe comes from the fact that i’m an only child, and i wouldnt trade it for the world. I talk to them every day and they are my best friends and greatest support system. If you don’t feel like anything is missing, then nothing is. if you want to give him all the opportunities you can, and you feel like you have a wonderful dynamic as a family, as is, just know that life will not disappoint, whatever you decide.
 
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