Hey, not sure if this is the right community. My 3.5-year-old LOVES to play outside and has recently developed a fear of bees and other flying insects. I accept her fear and it's okay, but I don't want it to interfere with her being able to play outside happily. I've told her that outside is where they live, we are in their home, etc. We make plans for what is going to happen when we see a bug while we are outside - you can scare it away with your loud yell, you can "x" you can "y," you can "z." We tell her the bugs don't want to hurt her, etc.
Are there ways we can embrace creepy-crawly things, maybe plant some things to keep certain ones on their side of the yard, etc? Teach her how we can manage them and not fear them?
Thanks in advance, and let me know if there is somewhere else I can/should post this
@youanna For my son, it sometimes helps for him to just learn more about them. He recently became afraid of mosquitos because he didn’t like that they suck your blood. We watched some videos about mosquitos and now he has no problem.
Have you tried naming the bees? It’s kind of silly but she might feel differently about it if she can name it, or if you name it. And then a year from now when she asks why every bee has the same name you can explain it but she won’t be afraid anymore.
@youanna As an elementary teacher, please, PLEASE do not teach your kids to scare away bees with a loud yell. This causes major freak-outs on the playground, and is more likely to result in a kid getting stung, since yelling and waving their arms and freaking out makes the bee feel more threatened and more likely to sting. I teach kids to hold still and the bee won't notice them and will fly away sooner, and that being calm and quiet is safer. I tell them the bee is checking to see if they are a flower, and once realize they are not, will fly away. I do think learning a lot about the bugs and their life cycles - through books and pictures and short documentary-style videos, etc. could help - because when kids are curious, they are less likely to be afraid. Saying it's okay to be afraid is also great (sounds like you are doing a lot of this already), but maybe think of possible "you can "x,y,z" stuff that doesn't involve yelling, flailing around, running around, etc. - I've always found that those types of reactions result in the bugs going after the kids more, as well as causing the kids to scare themselves more.
@nateharr Thank you so much! Yelling/telling them to go away was my go-to when we went to visit pretend dinosaurs (who obviously don't care how loud you are lol). She LOVES dinos but the big models freak her out so she "scares them away" by telling them off or taking their picture. I didn't think ahead to the playground scenario, and how this might affect "real life" down the line so I really appreciate your point.
@youanna The other comments are great, but I also find it has been really helpful for me to try and model calm behavior around bugs as well. I really struggle with spiders and I'll still say "ew! That scared me! Let's move away from it!" And we just calmly move away from the spider. Bees are an interesting thing because they're generally really docile so even if they land on me I just talk to my kids about them and show them the pollen sacs on their legs and talk about why they may have landed on me. Do I smell sweet? Am I wearing a bright color? What food is in our yard that a bee might want? How to tell if it's a bee vs a wasp (because obviously we want to be more cautious of wasps) and just generally turn it into an educational experience. We also talk about how in our area, flies are really harmless unless they are really big with brown hair on them because then they might be a deer fly or a horse fly which will bite you. We talk about what to do if a bug that can hurt you won't leave you alone, so they feel like they're in control of the situation. My 5 year old has gotten a lot better overtime when we talk about it and educate her about what she's afraid of. She's still a bit anxious and doesn't like bugs on her but she doesn't fully meltdown anymore.
@youanna We like to look for bugs from inside by looking out the window, read books about bugs, and watch kid-friendly videos to learn more. But I hear you about the fear. My toddler loves bugs but is absolutely terrified of woodpeckers, even with watching videos and learning more about them.
@youanna I’m a bee lover personally. But my gramma once explained that she’s never been a fan but was able to tolerate them after she framed it as: Bees are looking for flowers. If they happen to land on you, then they’ve confused you for a flower & who wouldn’t want to be confused for a flower?!
@youanna Everything you are doing sounds good. Library books on particularly beautiful bugs might be good? Or seeing some of the gorgeous embroidery on bugs people are doing lately? Add some awe and curiosity where possible.
Mine was similar around age 2-3, but at age 4 named all the flies Rosie and tried to tame them, and now at 5 is excited to have pet millipedes and feed worms to our ducks. Acceptance of her feelings seemed to help a lot.
@youanna I wouldn't teach her to scare away bugs with a yell; it does nothing to keep them away and will just cause other kids to freak out too. Staying calm and going about your business is the best way to get bees to go away.
I think the biggest thing that will help is your own reaction. What do you do when you see a bee? When my toddler is bothered by a bee, we either move away from it, or I'll gently wave it away if it landed on him. If it won't leave us alone and it's agitated (like late fall when they get aggressive), I'll calmly smoosh it. It helps that I'm not afraid of bees. My husband is though, so his solution is always to move away, or abandon the food if that's what the bee is attracted to. Staying calm yourself is really the best way to show her how to deal with insects.
@congnh2412 Yeah bees don't bother me, I tend to ignore them and pretend like I don't see them and just wait for whenever she notices them - but I have been watching my own reaction to other bugs (beetles ick) and trying to model what I want her to do. It's hard when they surprise you but if nothing else it helps me to empathize with what she's feeling.
@youanna Like others said. More knowledge might help.
If you want a fun, overview, I recommend: The big book of bugs.
For some kids teaching through a personal connection is the way to go. "bee and me" is a book about a girl befriending a bee and learning about it.
There is also the " icky bug alphabet book". Beautiful illustrations and fun facts making insects actually less icky.
You could also think about a nature explorer set with a small terrarium and bug thongs you can take along outside. I like the one by Melissa and Doug. Show her how to use it without hurting the bugs and she can watch them behind the "glass".
@youanna I was taught to blow at bees and wasps to make them go away. It’s just like wind to them, so it doesn’t hurt them or aggravate them to sting you. It doesn’t always work, but when you get a perfectly placed puff of air, it sends them in another direction.
@youanna My kids love bugs...as do I. Be excited and happy to find a bug. Tell them that touching is not okay because bugs are fragile and can get hurt, maybe save stinging/biting talk for later. I push "respect all animals and respect their space" so that includes our crawly friends. I handle spiders and whatever so they can get a good look, but otherwise I put them in the bug jug for examination. We have some super chill wasps around our house and my kids aren't bothered by them, they mostly ignore them.
@youanna I explained to my daughter what bees do and that yes, they sting. But only if they feel threatened or scared. I told her how they help flowers grow and they make honey (well, honey bees anyway) and she really loves flowers and honey so she was pretty good with that explanation. She still prefers to observe them from afar but she isn't actively afraid of them. Other bugs she just shoos away or moves herself away from. Wasps are a different story but I can't really blame her because I'm terrified of them, too.
